Chapter 54

7 – The Eternity of Kaliarya Ignis – 14

 

While immersed in despair, I still amassed magic power over several years, then I drew the magic circle to fly over to the next world.

It was the same process as usual, nothing changed... nothing should have changed and yet.

 

Alongside a tempestuous sound, countless lights shot up from the magic circle at my feet. While the particles of light dispersed in all directions like living creatures wriggling away, my body was soon swallowed by them.

Up to this point, it was the same as last time and the previous one and all the ones before. The problem started next. Something different than before occurred.

Suddenly, all the lights disappeared. Not knowing what happened, I tried to infer what the matter was, when I noticed that the magic invocation had been suspended midway.

Just as I assessed that fact, darkness swooped down upon my head and my vision was dyed black.

 

Goosebumps ran on my back as I felt like the ground was crumbling under me. In fact, it wasn’t just a figurative expression, I was really “falling.”

Should I say I was taken in by the magic circle? To put it simply, I guessed that the magic failed. And like this, I couldn’t move on to the next world.

I had readied myself for such a thing to happen one day, but why, why must it be now? It would have been so much better if it had occurred earlier, or even far longer before.

The moment I thought that everything would end now and my mind was dominated by a feeling of acceptance and resignation ... ... I heard Emma’s voice.

 

“In the place I was born, black birds were said to bring both good and bad luck at the same time.”

 

Rather than saying that I “remember” her words, it felt more like her vivid voice whispered close to my ears right at this moment.

My throat tightened. Her sigh brushed against my ears and tickled the back of my neck.

I knew she couldn’t be here. Yet, I turned my head and looked for her figure. Of course, beyond my line of sight, there was only infinite darkness.

 

... ... This, what does it mean?

 

My mind couldn’t keep up with these developments that happened one after the other.

As I was looking around helplessly, something quickly passed before my eyes. When I looked up reflexively, as if this gesture became a signal, my field of vision opened.

It was a mysterious scene that looked like white paint was thrown on black paper.

 

The black was repainted white.

 

Similar to the night that brightens when dawn breaks, the darkness cleared up. However, it wasn’t like the sun shone upon it. There was no lighting or anything that could serve as a light source. It was similar to an unexplainable world beyond natural providence or theories developed by humans.

 

Rather than calling it bright, it was more correct to say it was white. Above, below, on the right or the left, it was white, white, white. I felt overwhelmed by the looming pure white world.

While looking around, it felt like even my own silhouette became blurred. Will I also eventually become part of this white world? That thought had lingered in my mind for a brief moment when suddenly, “a black dot” appeared at the edge of my vision.

 

It looked like a simple stain, but when I stared at it closely, I noticed that it moved. It was moving away slowly. Maybe the thing that was flitting before my eyes a while ago was this.

When I tried to move my limbs, I felt a resistance as if I was swimming in water. However, it wasn’t like I couldn’t move, so I chased after that “black thing” as if drawn by it.

 

As I progressively closed down the distance, the black dot grew in size and gained an oblong contour. It didn’t take long before I became able to distinguish what it was.

At the same time, the inside of my chest suddenly started to make a sound and it wouldn’t lessen. 

 

Wings. It looked oblong because “it” was spreading its wings. In other words, it was “a black bird.”

 

The black bird, which couldn’t understand the unrest my heart felt, was eagerly flapping its wings, heading somewhere. Where did it want to go in this infinite world that seemed to have no end?

When I opened my mouth to call out to it, abruptly, the black bird started to turn and headed toward me. Black wings, black eyes. Even its beak was pitch black. The color of our eyes was different, but it closely resembled the bird I changed into when I transformed. It was almost as if I was confronting myself.

 

For a while, we simply stared at each other, then suddenly, it opened its sharp beak. As I remained dumbfounded and immobile, it asked me a question.

 

“... ... What do you want?”

 

It spoke in human language as if it was natural, and it didn’t feel out of place.

 

If it was things that I wanted, there were plenty of them. That’s why, even though I considered answering back, when the moment came, my words refused to come out.

Instead, I recalled the fairy tale Emma told me on her dying breath.

 

“One day suddenly, a black bird appears at the window....” Then it speaks like a human and asks you one question. It brings happiness to the people who answer correctly. To those who don’t, it brings misfortune. That’s what she told me.

It was just a tale, but in other words it taught me that a black bird wasn’t an existence portentous of ill omens as I had thought. It was loftier and noblier, a more powerful existence. Namely, God’s messenger.

 

Was this black bird such an existence?

 

No, but... Emma was... “I” was the only person she ever called her black bird.

“Rya, my black bird.” That being the case, the thing in front of me now, can only be an imitation.

Then, did I become the messenger of God without realizing it myself? Could that be the case?

Such extreme reasoning filled me with laughter. Even as a joke, I didn’t think I could become such an existence.

 

And yet. And yet. If I genuinely believed in Emma’s words...

 

Without doubt, I stood on the window... ... and showed myself in front of Ilya.

 

I spoke with humans’ words, and asked her a question.

“Shall I lend you my cooperation?”

Almost like in the fairy tale told by Emma.

 

Thinking back on it, I’ve repeatedly asked Ilya the same question every time I met her until now. However, I didn’t think she ever gave me a clear and definite answer. It was the same on our very first encounter.

Even though I said I would help her, she changed the topic and avoided answering. A long while later, she just told me, “I want you to protect my little sister.” It wasn’t really a reply to my question.

 

Surely, such an ambiguous exchange was purposeless.

 

God’s messenger and a question urging us to choose our fate, then the person answering and the right reply. In short, only when all the necessary conditions were present could the wish be granted. Then, wasn’t that the case? 

 

That being said, was my “question” right in the first place? And what about her answer?

I wonder what I should have asked her. And, what was she supposed to say?

As my thoughts were turning around in circles, the only thing that moved was the time that continued to pass.

 

When I finally noticed... ... there was no longer anything around me. The black bird had left, and it seemed that I was left behind by myself.

 

Did I fail to answer? Or, was my reply unneeded to begin with? It felt like I was grasping onto something, but also like I didn’t understand anything at all at the same time.

Irritated, I decided to scream. How long must I stay ‘here’? Just as I screamed, I heard a bursting shriek.

 

“Cr...ow!! ... Crow!!!! Where on earth... are you...!!!”

 

It was a heartbroken voice. That voice full of grief, which pierced my ears, I certainly recognized it.

 

“Ilya!!”

 

I was surprised at myself for raising such a loud voice, and I inhaled a small breath.

At that moment, my field of vision was split in two. The white walls seemed to be cut down by a knife. As if the world was being divided into two.

 

“Ilya!!!”

 

However, I didn’t give a damn about it. Whether the world was torn down or destroyed, I must go to where she was.

Ilya’s yell, which still left an echo behind, continued to call my name. If I chased after that trailing note, I knew I would reach her. I no longer needed a black bird to serve as my guide.

 

“Ilya, I want... to save you.”

 

The words that finally left my mouth fell off somewhere.

 

“I want to protect you, to treasure you. I want to always, always be with you. I want to live with you.”

 

“So please, stay by my side. From now on, always stay beside me.”

 

Won’t you promise me? My voice, which whispered so, trembled helplessly. It was quite unreliable. However, I felt that I couldn’t find any more words that needed to be conveyed.

I held my breath and waited for an answer. My heart felt like it was being torn by the deep silence that exceeded a simple stillness. I didn’t know how much time passed, before finally, a few words were muttered.

 

“... .... I... want to live with you.”

 

The voice said so. Abruptly, an intense reverberation like the toll of a bell resounded.

Just as I identified the sound, right in the middle where darkness separated the world in two, a lonely silhouette emerged.

There was not a single decoration on the black dress she was wearing. Her hair, arranged in a tight bun, was of a dull silver color. Suddenly, tears fell from her eyes as she looked toward me.

 

That person called once again, “Crow!”

 

While she was weeping, the girl screamed at the top of her throat.

When I took a better look, I saw that she was standing off against Soleil and Silvia. The two of them were cuddling close together, as if doing so was the most natural thing in the world. In front of them, Ilya was screaming my name and crying. Was it a coffin that I was seeing in the background? I didn’t have a clue what the situation could be like. All I knew was that she was sad.

That’s why I tried to stretch my hand, but just as I started moving, their figures disappeared.

 

“Wait, please, wait, Ilya!!”

 

Even as I continued to scream, I wondered if she was an Ilya from a world I had yet to visit.

If that were the case, then this space might be God’s domain. The place where all the worlds overlap.

“Ilya!!!” Please answer me. When I roared her name with such a plead in mind, the air started to sway, as if reacting to my voice. The cracked world was about to merge into one again. I had a hunch that I would be trapped in there, so reflexively, I leapt into the crevasse between worlds.

 

That space was in a state absolutely fit to be described as “chaotic.” A strong wind was blowing fiercely. Thunderous roars reverberated, accompanied by yells. I also felt a brutal pressure, as if my four limbs would be broken apart at any moment.

As I was unconsciously struggling, without any forerunner, a silver light appeared amidst the darkness. It might be the entrance to another world. When I desperately extended my arm, the tips of my fingers touched the light and my skin felt painful. In the same instant, my vision was distorted. Then...

 

“... Eh?”

 

I was kneeling on the ground, in a forest. The luxuriant and tall trees were looking down on me as if observing me. The vast land upon which a gentle wind was blowing, was hosting a mixture of weed and tall broadleaf trees, and a damp smell of rotten leaves was floating in the air. Stars were twinkling in the sky, but maybe dawn was drawing near as they looked like they would start to vanish soon.

The outlines of all things were vague, I was unable to tell if this was reality or a dream.

 

However, after blinking several times, this world suddenly started to take on a realistic sense of existence. Because at long last, I was able to recognize the thing I was looking down on.

 

The “girl” upon whom moonlight was shining, was quietly and gently lying there. Her white cheeks drew a curve. But her sunken eyes had no vitality and her lips had lost their color.

It was a face I knew far too well. Even if I hadn’t checked her pulse, I knew she had already stopped breathing. In other words, she was no longer alive. But, somehow, it felt out of place.

Calling out her name, I realized that my own right hand was gripping something around the middle of her chest. What I was touching was hard and cold. To be more precise, I was not touching it but clenching on it.

 

“What...?”

 

I inhaled a deep breath, because the area around my right hand was stained red. On the contrary, on the ground on which she was lying, there was a large puddle of dark blood.

 

“Ilya...”

 

The thing I was grasping, was clearly the handle of a knife.

 

“Why? Why... again...?” Why are you dead again?

The moment I was about to ask her that, a loud sound resounded and the thing in my palm broke. When I reflexively opened my hand... silver pebbles and broken pieces of wood were piled on my palm.

As I remained quite taken aback because I couldn’t understand what just happened, a gentle breeze blew. I was watching with my eyes opened wide this fairytale-like scene, when I heard the sound of someone inhaling a deep breath.

 

... When I looked in its direction in a fluster...

 

“...Ah...” Along with such a moan, Ilya’s slender limbs moved up and down with a wide move, as if they were being pushed up by force. Then, “... kuf kuf! Cough, cough... !” she gasped for breath many times over and over, a wheezing sound rising from her chest.

My inability to grasp what happened only lasted a second. Ilya was breathing.

 

Shortly after, her eyes opened wide. The pale green color that appeared under her eyelids was

burning with light. Life had returned to those eyes that had been gazing at the depths of death just a few seconds before. The countless stars reflected in her shining pupils were flickering.

 

“... Ilya...”

 

When I added support to her back as she was trying to get up, I became sure that she wasn’t a phantom, that she was truly real.

 

“My, princess.”

 

My strained voice vanished helplessly. Ilya, who reacted with a surprised gasp, blinked several times. Then, facing me, she asked, “Why?”

 

“Why are you crying?” Even her casual gesture of slightly inclining her head was a terribly nostalgic sight that I had longed for desperately.

When I wiped with my fingers the dirt that seemed to be blood and that had stained her cheeks, her skin felt soft. It had only been a few years since I had parted with her in the previous world. Yet it felt like I hadn’t seen her in decades or even hundreds of years. Actually, it felt like this impression wasn’t wrong.

 

“... Crow?”

 

As if this world was a signal, an overwhelming pain assailed me. It wasn’t like I felt grief. I wasn’t hurt either. However, this pain was very similar to these sensations.

In this overly long life, how long had I anxiously waited for this moment?

 

Ilya was in my arms. She was calling my name.

 

“... What happened... to me...? I am sure that... I died, and yet...”

 

When I hugged her softly, her voice echoed in my ears. I knew she was confused. Even I was. However...

 

“Finally...”

 

“Finally, I found you. My princess.”

 

The tears that flew down my cheeks were warm. Finally, I personally experienced what it felt like to cry.

 

“I felt like I heard your voice a while ago. As I thought, I was right. You called me your princess. But, why? I have never ever been a princess. I have always been...”

 

... a supporting role inside a story, she said before I wrapped her face in my hands. She had a small face, and large and strong-willed eyes.

 

“... Yes, that’s true. But you see, I’m the same. The main character in my life... wasn’t me. I lived my own life but... even so, I wasn’t the protagonist of this life of mine...”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“The main character of my life had always been... ... you.”

 

I remembered the lullaby Emma used to sing a lot. Thinking back on it, this song was very similar to the legend of the black bird she taught me. That lullaby had a mysterious melody, like music from old folklore.

 

It was a curious and unique song where the princess of a certain country was simply looking up at the sky from the window of her castle. One day, a bird appeared before the girl. In its beak, it held a single white flower. The girl happily received the flower, but the long stem of this flower, whose name she didn’t know, had thorns and a sharp tip.

 

Then, the girl was urged to make a choice. What to do with this flower?

 

However, the song ended here. As a story, it was not complete, but as a nursery song, it was. There seemed to be a meaning, but there wasn’t especially one.

The first time I heard it, I was simply impressed by the beautiful and melancholic melody.

 

But if it’s now, this song sounded different to my ears.

 

This was surely Ilya’s and my song. My role was to deliver the flower to her. I just existed for that duty.

 

“I’m not the protagonist. That’s why... I couldn’t save you. Every time, every single time, I couldn’t...”

 

... save you. As I said this last part, Ilya tilted her head.

 

“... No, that’s wrong. That is absolutely not true. Because you see, when you appear before me, I am always saved. Every time, every single time, I was.”

“Such nonsense...”

“Even now, see?”

“... Now?”

“When I was dying, you called me back.”

“No, that’s wrong, that’s not it. You weren’t dying. You were... already... dead. But...”

“But?”

“A miracle happened.”

 

When I tried to explain what happened with words, that was the only explanation I could give.

However, it didn’t occur because she was lucky or someone granted it to her. To get here, she had to overcome too many tribulations. Hindered by walls overwhelmingly taller than what other humans had to face, unable to see anything beyond that sight, not even allowed to get up, she had to grovel on her knees.

 

Even so, she lived.

 

It’s precisely because she had lived through many worlds, inside living hells, and repeatedly experienced endless despair. Because of that, you could say that a miracle had happened.

The achievements made by “each and every Ilya” existing in each and every world may have influenced “the world itself.” Because the worlds influenced each other and interfered with each other. 

 

Then, inside that infinite world, Ilya and I managed to meet.

 

“... Is that... so...?”

 

Ilya, who seemed to not understand what I meant, suddenly touched my cheek. With her usual cold hands and a bitter smile, she sighed, “If as you said Crow, a miracle occurred...”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Then it is not a god who caused it.”

 

“... Eh?”

 

It was now my turn to be bewildered. However, she didn’t falter.

 

“It was you.”

 

Aside from you, who else would make a miracle happen for me? She said it with a slight smile floating on her lips. Seeing her self-effacing smile, I felt my chest constrict.

 

Her way of smiling had never changed since the old days.

 

It was gentle, melancholic and fleeting. I never ever wanted to lose her smile. Yet I lost it many times. But this time, I didn’t.

 

“It was painful, it was agonizing, it was sorrowful, many things happened that prevented me from recovering and getting back on my feet, I lost any reason to live so long ago... But despite all, I still clang to life.”

“Yes, I know.”

“I was wondering why, yet, I knew...”

“...?”

“Surely, everything was for this moment.”

 

The morning sun shone on Ilya’s pale emerald eyes, and the golden bead that was floating inside them disappeared. Her pair of eyes seemed to have entrapped the entirety of all worlds.

My world was existing inside her. Those pupils were calmly and gently gazing at me.

 

“I will live with you.”

 

Ilya, who declared this with certainty as if it had already been decided, put her arms around my back. 

 

“You and I, we will become happy.”

 

Her soft but confident voice scooped up my heart.

 

Always, at any time, you find me. When your hand touches me, you save me.

 

“That’s why, I won’t go anywhere anymore.”

 

 

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