Chapter 62

9 – Marianne’s Truth – 1

 

When I was young, I often had the same dream.

Once I fell asleep, my life flashed before my eyes. I thought it was a strange dream, but later, I stopped having it. So, I forgot what kind of dream it was.

 

I just remembered it recently.

 

“... ...Honestly, I was a little surprised that you would help someone.”

 

The carriage moving along the unpaved road swayed so much that the people inside were almost thrown into the air. It had been assumed in advance that the carriage would shake a lot, so the servants had prepared several large cushions. They were tucked between the chair and the body so that there was no gap between them.

It was originally a carriage for nobles to ride, so the comfort was not bad. However, since it was a long journey, the strain on the body was unavoidable.

My lower back hurt, so I stretched my back. There was a little space left up to the ceiling, but the left and right sides were narrow due to the cushions. The seats facing each other were naturally cramped for two adults, and even more so if the other person was a man. Our knees were touching each other.

 

“...Even I help others once in a while. Haven’t I helped you too? I will not let you say that you don't remember."

 

When I answered with a smile, the man shrugged his shoulders and bowed slightly, saying,

 

“Well, I’m thankful for that. But it was really strange... we didn't have any contact to begin with. And yet, you came to me, right? You said you could help me.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“...I doubt that you knew I was in trouble, so why did you offer that in the first place?”

 

“...”

 

When I opened my mouth to speak, the man raised his right hand and interrupted me. I swallowed back the breath I was trying to exhale.

 

"Yes, I've been thinking about it for a long time. Why would you help me? ... ...You, the first-born child of the earl's family, from an illustrious house. And first of all, why help someone like me?"

 

Even if I was left alone, there shouldn't be any repercussions. No, rather...

 

"Lending me a hand carries no merit for you. If you get involved in something like this, you might even be held responsible. In that case, even your family may be eliminated. After all, it’s a serious situation involving state matters. And yet, you decided to help me. So I've always wondered why."

 

It was all for her sake, right?

 

Saying that, he opened the curtain fixed to the small window. Suddenly, the setting sun came in. That man's profile turned orange as he narrowed his eyes. His red hair became redder and looked like it was on fire.

 

"You moved for the sake of your one and only best friend in this world. Am I right?"

 

Although it’s hard to say if that was beneficial to her in the end, added the man with a wicked smile as he turned his attention back to me.

That's right. As he said, she ended up losing everything.

Even if I was not directly involved in depriving her of everything, I do bear some of the responsibility. In short, by saving this man, Soleil was able to overcome his predicament, and Sylvia was spared from any harm.

However, that didn’t mean everything had fallen back into place. In fact, she became a fugitive.

 

She can never come back to this country ever again.

 

“Do you regret it?”

 

After a short silence, I shook my head at the question.

 

“... ... No.”

 

Absolutely not.

 

“She is alive. ... ...That's all that matters.”

 

When I answered like this, the man looked at me with an indescribable gaze that seemed to peer into the depths of my heart.

 

“...Even if lady Sylvia and Soleil are tied together and live a happy life?”

 

“...”

 

“Is that how you wanted them to end?”

 

“We don't know how it will end yet. No one knows what will happen to them.”

 

“Well, that's true. But no matter who saw it, Soleil was attracted to Miss Sylvia. That's a fact.”

 

“Is that so?”

 

“Yes.”

 

For some reason, the red-haired man with a scornful smile suddenly let out a breath.

 

“You seem dissatisfied.”

 

“No? Because I'm on Soleil's side. Even if his choice is something I can't support, I won't disavow him.”

 

“Is that the right thing to do as a friend?”

 

“Who knows? Friendship is different for each person. There is no right or wrong answer. That's why I'm praying that he doesn't make a mistake. I’ve always been doing so and I will keep doing that from now on. It’s just that...”

 

“Just what?”

 

“It’s sad.”

 

I don't know much about Lady Ilya, but I thought Soleil and her were a good match. Then, this time, he lowered his gaze and moved his fingers mechanically on his lap.

There were calluses on his fingers. He was a person who had trained hard to protect and fight against people. I guessed all knights were like that.

To people like them, who were prepared to shoulder such burdens, Ilya’s existence must have seemed dazzling. Dedicating everything one’s own to just one person was something extremely difficult to do for most people. Because humans lived with all sorts of social bonds and constraints.

So did I. And that was why I knew...

 

“Lord Soleil is someone who is easily misunderstood by others. Even you, his best friend, are misunderstanding him."

 

“What do you mean?” The man tilted his head slightly. His physique was that of an adult, but if you looked at his face, you could still see traces of his youth.

Although I was not with him today, the other knight who usually served as my escort was actually an adult, so his physique was a bit larger than his. There was no point in comparing them, but it's almost a miracle that this man and Soleil, who were still attending the academy, were able to survive that difficult situation.

 

"...Anyway, I have done what I had to do. I'm sure lord Soleil will do the same."

 

Ilya had entrusted Sylvia to Soleil. I was sure that as long as he lived, he would fulfill his promise. I was certain he would not do anything that would violate the wish of his dead fiancée.

 

“... ...In your eyes, what kind of person is Soleil?”

 

Now it was my turn to tilt my head in wonder. Because to me, that man had been nothing more than "Ilya's fiancé." Nothing more, nothing less. Now that this role had been lost, Soleil was for me...

 

“A pitiful person.”

 

Because he lost his loved one.

It was something that should never be lost.

 

**************

 

I didn’t know when it started, but I and her... ...I and Ilya, have always been treated as if we were rivals. Even though there were probably other girls in our generation, because of our families’ peerage, we ended up in a position where we were inevitably compared.

However, generally, this is what was said: “Lady Marianne is better.”

Such arbitrages were already made at an age when I didn't really understand what it meant to be better or worse than someone else at something. Although I now understand that my family’s standing as the first earl’s house was the reason, when I was young, I just thought it was strange. I wondered why everyone gave me such praise.

 

Because Ilya carried herself very well. Her mannerisms and gestures were elegant. She smiled like a true noble, and never raised her voice immodestly. She was good at the piano, danced gracefully, and studied hard. She wasn’t the slightest bit inferior to me. On the contrary, she was one step ahead of me in everything.

And yet, everyone said, I think lady Marianne is wonderful.

Because too many people said so, I came to think that maybe, I was underestimating myself.  

I don’t mean to boast or be condescending, but I think the real me could do better than her.

 

However, the world of aristocrats was not so soft that you could get carried away.

 

That probably happened when I was seven years old.

At a tea party I was invited to with my mother, this was told to me by the mistress of the house who was the organizer,

“I heard that lady Marianne is good at playing the piano. It’s just happened that there's a nice piano right here, and I would love to let everyone hear it.”

 

Maybe she really valued my skills, or maybe she held just a little bit of malice.

That person was a longtime acquaintance of my mother, and the guests were all familiar with each other as they were aristocrats of the same generation. But because of that, whose child was the most outstanding, or who held the best future prospects was unknown. The adults must have wanted to try it out and see how good the children were.

It just so happened that I was the one chosen for the performance. The skill I displayed was not disastrous, but it was not worthy of praise. I'm sure anyone who had listened to it would have thought so. They should have. Because I didn't like playing the piano.

I practiced as little as possible, just enough to keep my fingers from getting dull, and I didn’t have any motivation to learn music. I barely followed the musical score, nor did I perform with all my heart based on the composer's intentions.

 

... ...However, I was praised by everyone.

 

There were even some people who were moved to tears.

I received a wave of applause and praise. The adults surrounding me unanimously praised my performance, saying that even a professional musician would be eclipsed by my talent.

 

“... ... And above all, she is so beautiful! I'm looking forward to her future!”

 

As they clapped their hands in an exaggerated manner, they said that many families would wish to have a wise and sensible lady like me marry over.

I wondered if anyone could understand what I felt as I stood there, stupefied, as a cold chill ran down my spine.

 

At that time, there was a girl who had played before me. Her name was Ilya Il Matis.

She was the child chosen for the opening act of the entertainment. Few people listened to her performance. The adults who were chatting merrily with each other continued to talk, and the children who had come with their parents were engrossed in the food that was brought to them.

Amidst the incessant commotion, she straightened her already upright back, looked straight ahead of her, and introduced herself briefly, “My name is Ilya.” Then, she played a song that lasted about 15 minutes without even looking at the score.

It was an old song that everyone knew and that even adults found difficult to understand. Adults who had small fingers and slender builds could easily reach these keys, but some of them could naturally not be reached by children. There was a sweetness and a certain charm in these strengths and weaknesses. She couldn’t play as perfectly as an adult.

Still, the performance was so good that I wondered how much time she had spent practicing. I was deeply impressed and couldn't help but get goosebumps.

 

However, I was probably the only one who listened carefully to her performance from beginning to end. Similar to the orchestra that had been invited that day, it was simply used as background music. Was it because she was too good?

No, I don’t think so.

 

From the start, no one had the intention of listening to her play.

 

It was because at that time, she was already engaged to the heir of the marquis’ house. To say it frankly, high society didn't look keenly at their engagement. Many nobles thought their daughter could have been the one engaged to him if luck had been on their side, so in short, Ilya was an eyesore to them.

As a member of a third-rated earl's family, she was criticized for not knowing her place and climbing up the social ladder. Behind her back, she was also insulted about her appearance, which was not up to par and did not match lord Soleil. Both adults and children looked down on her. Given the chance, there were some people who would gather to disdain and hurt her.

The moment she stood in front of the piano, someone said, “She's not very beautiful.” Although it was said with a low voice, I'm sure many people heard those words. After all, I did. Maybe Ilya could hear it too.

No one objected, not even Ilya's mother, who was supposed to be there. Therefore, the words were recognized as correct.

 

But they didn’t insult her because they resented Ilya herself. It was because she was engaged to the heir of the most prestigious marquis’ family, so she had just incurred unnecessary jealousy. What if I had been the one chosen instead of Ilya? I would have been the one who had those heartless words thrown at.

 

After Soleil's fiancée passed away, Ilya was chosen as his new fiancée because their fathers were close. That's what most people thought, but the situation was more complicated.

Soleil's family, the Nortis family, was highly trusted by the royal family, and in recent years they have often taken on work ordered by the king. The current Marquis was also a member of the Senate and was one of the few people who could make direct recommendations to the King, which means he boasted a great deal of political power.

It was the position of the eldest son's fiancée. They couldn’t just choose any suitable girl randomly. The choice was established after considering the balance of power between the two families. A family of equal status to the marquis’s would have too much power. If so, Soleil could become a threat to the royal family. But a powerless viscount or baron’s family would be too weak, and it was another problem in itself.

And as such, Soleil and Ilya's engagement was purely political, as they couldn’t choose another candidate.

It seems that my name was even mentioned at one point, but I heard that the Nortis family firmly refused. In that respect, I think they chose the Matisse family because they were more reliable.

 

Therefore, I thought that if something had gone differently, I might have been the one chosen to perform this opening act.

So, after I finished my performance and received praise from those around me, I went looking for her. Ilya looked dignified and didn't show any signs of being hurt. However, the event that day must have been more than enough to break her soft, young heart.

I may not be able to console her, but at least I wanted to tell her that her performance was amazing.

 

Without realizing that thinking like that was arrogant.

 

“You need to practice more.”

 

As I walked down the long hallway after leaving the room where the tea party was being held, I heard a voice coming from the side of the stairs.

I quietly leaned forward so that the other person wouldn’t see me. I saw two shadows next to the stairs. One belonged to the person I was looking for, and the other belonged to a slender woman. From her profile, I realized she was Ilya's mother.

Previously, I had always thought that she seemed to be a calm person. Yet she sounded much fussier than I expected.

 

“Acquire skills that no one will complain about.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Develop the power of expression that will earn you praise from everyone.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Always look ahead and never look down. Keep smiling and be dignified no matter what anyone says.”

 

“Yes.”

 

A calm reply that showed no signs of emotional ups and downs. As I was about to lean forward to see if her mother would at last compliment her, someone tapped on my shoulder from behind.

When I swallowed the scream of surprise that almost escaped and turned around, I saw my own smiling mother, her index finger on her mouth, "Shh!" She grabbed my hand and took me away from this place.

 

"Marianne. Having a sense of justice is a virtue, but it's not good to get involved in other people’s matters."

 

"...But, mother..."

 

"Yeah. She... I also think she is really unfortunate."

 

But I'm sure this will happen many times in the future. She patted my head comfortingly. For some reason, I felt like crying at her gentle touch. Ilya must have wanted to be stroked like this.

 

“She has to be strong. She probably shouldn't be comforted right now. At least that's what her mother decided. Your opinion and remarks aren’t needed.”

 

“...”

 

“But next time, if you have a chance to talk to her, please give her a big compliment.”

 

If you two are alone at that time, then there would be no one to complain, mother laughed and blinked. I agreed with her.

That’s what I should do. If it's just the two of us, no one will disturb us. I can praise her as much as I want.

 

What should I say? No, I don't need to think about it. Because she was truly amazing.

Will she be happy? Will she laugh? I didn’t want to see a fake smile. If only she would laugh from the bottom of her heart. What would she look like?

 

Yes, that's what I thought at that time, and yet...

chapter 61

Nocta’s recap (because I also forgot this character):

The red-haired man is Edward, Soleil’s best friend. In chapter 40, he fought alongside Soleil against Saion and his men to protect Silvia. Edward pretended to be a traitor working for Saion, because his family was held hostage.

Chapter 61

 8 – The End of The End – 7

 

Even though there was only a faint light in the room, because Marianne was there, the colorfulness of the world increased. It looked like beads of pale light were covering her body, and the sight was gorgeous.

Yet, her cloak, which she wore to protect her slender silhouette; was as dark as the night and was not at all eye-catching.

 

“It is not a dream, right? You are really here, aren't you?”

 

While I couldn't move since she was hugging me, Marianne stroked my back and shoulders as if to make sure I was really there. When I let my smile show because I felt the palm of her hand tickle as it moved back and forth, over and over again, she finally noticed my expression and said again, “Ah, thanks God...!” Seeing my friend, who was obviously overcome with emotion, also made my heart swell.

Even though I opened my mouth to ask why she was there, no words came out right away.

 

“...Lady Marianne. We do not have much time.”

 

As I blinked many times to shake off my blurred vision, the man who was watching us from the corner of the room spoke quietly. Still, she wouldn't let go of me, so he grew impatient and rebuked her, “Please, make haste.”

At last, Marianne took a step back dispiritedly and I felt lonely as she moved away from me. Almost unconsciously, I reached out for her hand. Maybe it was the same for her.

Only our fingertips touched once, brushing lightly against each other.

 

“I feel like I’m going to cry.”

 

A voice so small that I almost missed it spilled from her trembling lips.

However, her strong-willed eyes never wavered as she looked into my eyes, “Lady Ilya.”

 

“You are not hurt, are you?”

 

She seemed to already know that, but I still nodded gently in response to confirm. That's when I finally realized.

The eyes of my friend, who had appeared so suddenly, were depressed and dull. Compared to the last time I saw her, her cheeks had become thinner. She couldn’t hide how exhausted she was.

Considering that she only had one bodyguard with her, this meant that the child of an aristocrat, who was brought up like a princess in a greenhouse, traveled without her maid.

Of course, she would be tired.

 

When I looked down at her feet, I saw the dusty hem of her dress hovering loosely over her dirty shoes. Her dress, made of a fabric that was instantly recognizable as a luxury item, looked dull because it was covered in dust. The cuffs surrounding her thin wrists were also dirty.

 

For her to end up in such a state... She wasn’t like her usual self.

 

“Lady Marianne didn't even have time to sleep and came all the way here. We even lost two of our horses. She rode for a long time and she was in such a hurry... All that in order to see you.”

 

As he looked at my face, the man suddenly spoke up in a concise way. There was a hint of disapproval in his tone that he couldn't hide.

 

"...Do not pay attention to what he says.”

 

I didn’t know what to say back to Marianne who shook her head and laughed. So, I simply called her name, “Lady Marianne,” and she gave me a bashful smile before continuing,

 

“I wanted to take a bath before meeting you, lady Ilya...''

 

Before I could reach out to her in time, she lost her strength and plopped down on the bed.

I called out to her because the way her head hung down looked unreliable, like she was about to collapse. But she immediately straightened her back and tidied up her appearance as if nothing had happened.

Her fingers swept away the golden hair that had fallen over her shoulders, and she casually adjusted the way her skirt spread out on the bed. That gesture was extremely elegant. I couldn’t help but realize how different she was from ordinary people. Her composed demeanor may seem pompous, but it didn’t feel bad and she naturally attracted people's attention.

She deserved to be called a "lady" and that was what she was trained to be. Every woman born into an aristocratic family learned to become one. Rather, they were forced to learn. However, it could also come from an innate talent and temperament. As for me, I had always thought,

 

... No matter how many times I start my life over and over again, I will never get it.

 

“... Actually, I would like to talk to you more, but it is true that I do not have time.”

 

Marianne said so, placing the small bag that had been at her feet on her lap.

She asked me to sit next to her, and although I was confused, I followed her instructions. After watching me calm down, she removed the metal fitting that held the lid of the bag. Marianne looked inside and pulled out a bundle of papers.

 

“I am going to explain it now, so could you please look at it carefully?”

 

While reading out loud the words written on the paper one by one, Marianne began to explain as if she were reciting a speech. She looked like she was fulfilling her duty.

Before I could say anything, she stated,

 

"We have prepared everything we can at this stage. An exit permit, a passport, and a visa to enter the neighboring country."

 

When she handed me the things I needed to get on a ship, my throat tightened.

The thickness of the paper, the printing, and the signatures of the various parties involved made it look like it had been officially acquired, rather than a forgery. Or were they made using very advanced technology?

Either way, it wasn’t something an ordinary person could get.

 

“These exit permits and visas will serve as your identification cards. Of course, the name written on them is not Ilya but someone else’s.…So please remember this name well.”

 

A document that was under someone else's name but wasn’t a fake. I couldn’t fathom all its implications. Even if she needed to borrow someone's help to achieve this result, Marianne held the power to prepare something like that.

 

“Also, I brought some jewelry that seems to have monetary value.”

 

“...Eh?”

 

“Please exchange them for cash. They are my personal belongings, so you will not be in trouble even if someone probes into their origin. However, if possible, please exchange them for money after you have left the country. It would be safer that way.”

 

I couldn't believe my ears and rolled my eyes at what my friend said. My feelings couldn't keep up with those facts that were laid out so plainly. I wanted to ask her to wait a moment, but she kept talking so quickly that I couldn't do anything about it.

 

“For now, please cross over to this country by boat.”

 

A map was spread out in front of me. From the year stamped on the edge, I could tell that it was the latest one. What was shown in red ink was one of the friendly countries our land had a close relationship with.

 

“To be frank, I would like to have one of my family's subordinates guide you there, but if someone else intervenes, the risk factor will increase accordingly. Therefore, I will give the details of the location to the black-haired man.”

 

“……Eh?”

 

When I turned around to follow Marianne's line of sight, I saw Crow who was standing by the entrance with a faint smile on his face.

 

“I have prepared a house for you, lady Ilya, so please do not worry. Although it is a little far away, it is a villa that I personally own. That being said, it is not under my real name. It is managed by someone who has no connection to our house. In other words, it's a proper hideout. For emergencies. So, that house is safe. No one will think that I am involved in this matter.”

 

"...Ah, uhm..."

 

“Originally, my grandfather had prepared this place so that if something happened to our family, we would have a place to hide, even for a short period of time. I never thought we would have to use that house... But it was furnished and ready to be used at any time. In the end, it came in handy."

 

“...”

 

“Please hide there until you decide what to do from now on. I cannot arrange your life after that... but it's probably safer that way. I'd rather not know about your future.”

 

“Um, lady Marianne.... Why are you doing all this?”

 

I last parted ways with Marianne on our way home from the academy. After that, she returned to her own mansion, and while she might have been concerned over the fact that I took a break from the academy, she must have been living her life as usual.

Yet she seemed to be very aware of my current situation and what I had been through. 

 

“I don't know anything, lady Ilya.”

 

Marianne declared so while looking me in the eyes.

 

“All I know is that you must leave this country immediately, and that you must go into hiding for a while.”

 

Oh, and also... I naturally know that you are already dead.

 

“I said I didn't know anything, but surprisingly, I might know a lot more than I expected. Hehe,” she laughed, her smile deepening as she stared at me intently.

 

“...Are you not wondering why I am still alive... Isn’t it strange?” Under her frank and unblinking gaze, I felt a sense of guilt.

 

“...Certainly, it is true that when I heard that you had passed away, I cried.”

 

She spoke with a gentle voice. However, it pained me to think that faking my death had made her sad.

 

From an early age, Marianne already possessed the perfect qualities needed for an aristocrat.

At an evening party a long time ago, there was a distinguished guest invited from another country, and they mistook Marianne for a member of the royal family. That’s the kind of person she was. It wasn’t just a matter of her physical appearance. Of course, that was also one of her charms.

I didn’t know the details, but I heard that she boasted knowledge that rivals any expert in the field of chemistry. She was very smart. She didn’t seem overly proud. In fact, she looked confident and had high self-esteem.

She possessed both beauty and elegance that overwhelmed others, and her dignified demeanor was always dauntless and fearless. She was someone who didn’t get upset over little things.

That person... cried for me.

 

“It is embarrassing to say, but day after day I was absorbed in sadness. Even though I knew that I couldn't bring you back, even though you were no longer here, I kept thinking about what I could have done to save you…”

 

“...”

 

“At that time, I shouldn't have gone home. No matter how much I was rejected, I should have stayed by your side. That's what I thought.”

 

At that moment, Marianne's hands gently wrapped around my hands, which were stacked on her lap.

 

“But, lady Ilya. You are alive, and this is how we were able to meet again. So, it's alright.”

 

Her gentle yet strong hands were clearly encouraging me.

 

“If I had never been able to see you again lady Ilya, I would have regretted my actions for the rest of my life.”

 

It is surely God's will that this did not happen. Then, she put the map and passport back into the bag and handed it over to me.

 

“Actually, I wanted to prepare many, many more things... but I thought it might get in the way of your trip if you had too much to carry with you. Also, fortunately, I see that you were able to prepare clothes and other necessities.”

 

Her eyes flicked over to the travel bag we had brought with us, then she nodded and stood up.

 

“... ...The god that appeared before me took the appearance of a butterfly.”

 

I suddenly shifted my attention to Crow, but the person in question seemed uninterested, staring in another direction without returning my gaze.

 

“I am glad I believed it.”

 

Marianne, who didn't seem to notice Crow, smiled and spread her arms, saying, "We will go back to our estate now." As I stared up at her from where I was sitting, I saw her slowly curling her upper body into a hug. I felt the soft touch and gentle scent of her golden hair that felt on her cheeks. She was like a queen whom every girl envied.

I could see the stained ceiling over her thin shoulders. I never expected that we would end up hugging in a place like this.

 

Although we had known each other since childhood, we had never felt each other's body heat from such a short distance. We had always remained not too close, not too far. I thought that was the best thing for us to do. I didn't want her to get involved in my own strange life.

 

“I'm sure this time is the last.”

 

My shoulders trembled at the words whispered in my ear. I reflexively tried to pull away, but she held me so tightly that I couldn't. That's when I noticed that her delicate back was shaking.

 

She was crying.

 

"Lady Marianne, we do not have time."

 

I heard her sniffle, and even though I had been held with such force that I couldn't escape from her embrace until now, I couldn't believe how easily she released me.

The Marianne who faced me again, was smiling gracefully as usual.

 

“... ... Goodbye, Ilya...'' she said, calling my name without honorifics, as if she had been doing this for a long time. It sounded very friendly. However, her voice contained a loneliness that couldn’t be hidden.

 

Then, after a short silence, she took an imperceptible breath.

She puffed out her chest, bowed like an aristocrat, and left the room with her escort. The both of them were in a hurry and I didn't mean to hold them back, but I ended up calling her name. Marianne almost unconsciously stopped in her tracks, but she didn't look back.

 

Like this, we parted ways.

chapter 60                                                                                                             chapter 62