8 – The End of The End – 5
The bathtub prepared by the innkeeper was very
comfortable.
As I was enveloped by the gentle hot water, the
exhaustion that had accumulated seemed to melt along with the sticky blood and
mud.
My whole body was heavy and I was on the verge of
falling asleep carelessly. To avoid making the same mistake I once did, I
quickly got out of the bathtub and put on the clothes Crow had prepared for me.
Although they were second-hand clothes, they were not
dirty; rather, they smelled nice and freshly washed. I couldn’t say that they
fit me well, but I could tell that they had been carefully sewn so that they
could be worn for a long time. The stiff texture was probably due to the thick
and sturdy fabric. I had a hunch they were clothes unique to this city.
The dresses I always wore were naturally tailor-made,
so there was almost no gap between my body and the fabric. They were hard to
put on and remove without the help of a maid, but most of the clothes worn by
noble ladies were made like that. A gorgeous dress with a long hem that coiled
around my legs and accentuated my thin waist to make me proud of my slenderness
was an item that tied me to the aristocracy.
That’s why, it was very easy now. Easy to breathe.
It was partly because the size didn’t fit since it’s
something I received, but it was also an emotional issue.
Let’s throw away the blood-stained dress. I left the
bathroom thinking that.
“... Your face seems a little red.”
From the top of the bed where he was sitting, Crow
tilted his head. He was wearing a white shirt and black pants, which gave him a
natural and unpretentious appearance, and his legs were stretched out, yet he
somewhat gave off an elegant feeling.
“Ilya?”
“...Ah, no. There is nothing.”
“That’s not true, right? Something is strange.”
His black hair danced on his white cheeks as Crow
tilted his head. Even though he was exposed to a lot of wind on the carriage, he
wasn’t covered with the slightest speck of dust.
As I was staring at him, I suddenly noticed that his
robe, which I had borrowed previously, was hanging on the wall.
Blood must have ended up on it. I couldn’t tell for
sure because the fabric was black.
Crow who had followed my gaze smiled softly.
“I’ll wash it properly later. More importantly, you.”
I was beckoned to come closer to the bed.
“Yes. As you said Crow, I might be feeling a little
hot because I soaked in hot water.”
I wrapped my wet hair in a towel. Drops of water wet
the wooden floor. When I wondered
why he bothered to call me over when he wasn't that far away to begin with, the
boy let out a sigh as if he couldn't put up with it anymore and he said,
“I’ll dry your hair for you, so come up here.”
But I can't use magic that creates wind yet, so I'll
just wipe it off. And he smoothly added something that
transcended the scope of my understanding.
Since it can't be used "yet," will it
eventually be possible for him to control even the wind freely?
“Later, let's buy some oil that you can put on your
hair. You went to great lengths to have beautiful hair, so you have to take good
care of it."
When I sat on the bed with my back facing Crow, he
gently wiped my neck and behind my ears with the towel I handed him. While he
was at it, he also loosened my tense muscles. My smile spilled out as he
pressed on my shoulders.
A long, long time ago, Crow was lying on my bed with
his head on my lap. I talked about a lot of childish and silly things.
That night I asked him to save my little sister......
to save Sylvia.
What if life had gone on without any problems after
that? I wonder what ending Crow and I would have achieved.
At least, I don't think we would have met again in
this life.
"Why don't you rest for a while?"
"... Yes, you are right. I will do that."
I was nodding off as drowsiness assaulted me. So many
things happened all at once that my brain couldn’t process the information. I lay
down on the bed just like that.
Maybe because my body was hot, my half-dried hair felt
a little cold.
"As promised, I'll sing you a lullaby."
As I listened to his gentle voice, the bed creaked
slightly. When I half-opened my eyes, Crow was lying down just like me and was
looking at me.
Two people alone in a narrow bed. Thinking it was like
a reenactment of the past, my heart throbbed. A Crow with a young face gave me
medicine. He lay beside me, who was on my back as I couldn’t even turn over
because of my weakened body. His cold hand gently grabbed my hand.
In reality, are you still in that old bed?
Was everything that followed a dream rather than
reality?
If so, where on earth am I――――――,
******************
“... I’m sure you’ll live a long life... and you will
be happy. And... if...”
“If... one day, a black bird appears in front of you,
don’t make the wrong choice.”
These were the last words of my mother. She had a
gentle smile on her emaciated face.
Why was she so peaceful in the face of death?
A too-harsh journey had made my mother exhausted. In
fact, something had been wrong with her body ever since we left the village,
but she had hidden her condition so as not to worry me, who was very young.
That’s why she was never examined by a doctor during our trip. Therefore, she
took neither medicine nor any nutritious food.
I recalled having caught her groaning from time to
time because she was assaulted by back pain. But every time I asked her if she
was alright, she always answered, “It seems I’m getting old,” with a gentle
smile. I had an ominous presentiment when I saw her like this.
There was no way to stop my mother, who was rushing to
the royal capital as quickly as possible.
Then, after a month had passed since we left our
hometown, she could no longer even walk.
Ultimately, she collapsed on the roadside. She dragged
me in her fall and I was crushed by her weight. I couldn’t breathe. I was
struggling with my small body but was powerless to do anything when suddenly,
“Are you alright?!” Someone reached out their hand. She
was a young woman who happened to be here by sheer coincidence.
This person, who safely rescued me, was concerned
about mother’s weakened state and she suggested taking her to rest at the inn
where she worked. She even offered to let us stay at a very cheap price. She
explained that the inn was run by her parents, so that’s why it was possible to
lower the price.
For a moment, I thought that maybe, she was pretending
to be a good person to become close to us and kidnap me. I had such fears, but
our situation was so desperate that I wanted to ask for help nonetheless, so I
hesitantly grabbed her outstretched hand.
I knew it would be foolish to ask a complete stranger
for help, but I couldn't come up with a better alternative.
I didn’t have enough knowledge to elaborate on a plan
and break out of our critical situation.
The result of this choice was... My instinct to trust
her was proven correct.
I was truly surprised when she even called a doctor
because it was just some kind of coincidence that we met like this. When she
told me that I didn’t need to pay the consultation fee, I realized that godlike
people did indeed exist.
However, that being said, it didn’t mean that “reality”
showed us any kindness.
The doctor, who visited us a few hours after we
arrived at the inn, announced that mother’s illness was nothing to laugh at. I
lost my words when I heard him. Trembling with fear, I pressed my hands on my
shaking lips.
The doctor sighed with astonishment and gently stroked
my head as he added that it was strange she had made it this far.
“She even has such a young child with her... I’m
sorry, but nothing can be done.”
His words stabbed me like a knife. When I reached out
my hands to cling to the bed, mother’s thin fingers wiped my eyes. With a
hoarse and fading voice, she said, “I’m sorry.”
If I had opened my mouth at that time, words of
accusation like, “Why are you leaving me behind?” would have split out, so I
just bit on my lips.
True to the doctor's words, "She doesn’t have
more than a few days left," my mother quietly passed away two days later.
Before she died, she told me a story about a black bird,
which left me quite puzzled and weighted on my mind, but even if I wanted to understand
what she meant, I could no longer ask her.
If things had to turn out like this, then we shouldn’t
have left the village. But my regrets mean nothing now that I’ve lost
everything.
As I was the only one left behind, I couldn't help but
be stunned and unable to think about the future.
Without any other recourse, an inn employee asked a
local undertaker to cremate mother's body. Then, he made arrangements to put me
in an institution. However, at that point, some people started to raise
objections.
They wondered if it was a good idea to put a child of
doubtful origin in a facility financed by donations from the influential people
of the town. In other words, since I wasn’t born in this city, there was no reason
to take care of me.
Because their attitude was very threatening, whether I
liked it or not, I realized what kind of situation I was in. I was a complete
nuisance.
In the meantime, even the people at the inn who had
done their best to be kind to me had come to look down on me, so I couldn’t
even stay in the city. I decided to head for the royal capital alone.
The travel funds we originally had had already run
out, and even if I wanted to earn enough
money to live day by day, having a child’s body was
inconvenient. I couldn’t find any jobs. I didn’t know if they said it out of
kindness or not, but some people advised me that I should enter a brothel and
start working as an apprentice. However, I thought that my mother would be sad
if I entered such a place without having any debt.
When I left town, I was handed two copper coins as a
parting gift. As I bowed my head in thanks, the elderly couple running the inn
cried and said, “We’re so sorry that we couldn’t take you in.” The woman who had
helped my mother and me seemed to be their only daughter. Both the parents and daughter
were really good people.
However, compassion alone cannot solve everything.
Smiling and saying, “It’s okay,” was more important than
thanking them.
In reality, I was very scared.
I was desperately moving toward the royal capital, but
without my mother, I didn't know to what end I was heading there. Originally,
she had planned to rely on her relatives once in the capital, but they only
exchanged letters once before we left the village, so they didn't seem to be in
a very close relationship. Still, I had to rely on them.
Because our village was too poor. The days without
rain continued for a long time, the crops withered, and there were only a few
dry goods that had been stored.
Before long, the men of the village began to go out
and hunt, but a dispute erupted with another village, and they had no time to
catch prey.
It must have been inevitable that some people, who
would rather try to go to the royal capital than die like this, began to
appear. Even if they had to go on foot for a trip that would take weeks with a
horse-drawn carriage. It would definitely not be an easy journey, but they
hoped that if they made it safely, they might even get a job.
My father was one of them. He said he would get a job
in the city and make sure to send us money. He asked us to endure until then
and left. He made me kind promises like “I'll send you a letter,” “I'll come
back someday,” “Be a good girl and wait for me.”
In fact, we never received news that he had arrived at
the royal capital. Had he forgotten about his wife and daughter, or had he died
somewhere along the way?
I didn't know which one was the truth, but I knew that
my father would never come back to us, so my mother and I decided to leave the
village.
For me and my mother, who were not accustomed to
traveling, the road was harsh.
Since we were not even able to properly prepare travel
gear, you could say that from the beginning, dark clouds were hanging over our
trip.
In fact, mother ended up losing her life.
If I had been older, I would have booked an inn and I would
have had her examined by a doctor earlier. Above all, I would have certainly
considered stopping the journey.
Even if we didn't go all the way to the royal capital,
my mother would have been able to get some kind of job in the big city we
stopped by. At least, she wouldn’t have to die without receiving proper
treatment.
......But no matter how much I thought about it, it’s already
far too late.
Right now, I was in a predicament myself.
It was a very important question about when to use the
copper coins that were offered with good intentions. After asking for directions
to the royal capital, all that was left to do was to walk to it, even if my
only possessions were the clothes I was wearing. ……In such a situation, it
wouldn’t be strange to die at any moment.
It was just by pure luck that I didn't get attacked by
bandits, and it was a mere coincidence that I didn't get kidnapped. After
walking for about two days, I suddenly realized I was hungry, and when I took
out the bread the innkeeper gave me from my bag, it was moldy, and I couldn't
eat it anymore.
I wasted my food with the simplistic idea that I would
reach the royal capital someday if I walked innocently.
I was an unsparingly ignorant child.
Eventually, after walking for about five days, I ran
out of water, and I realized there were no shops where I could buy food. Maybe
that’s when I reached my mental limit. With every step I took, it felt like my
life was being cut short. I staggered a few steps and collapsed on my knees.
When I fell down, my feet appeared in my blurred vision
for a moment. I laughed when I noticed that there was a hole in the toe of the
shoes I was wearing.
I must have reached my limit, the absolute limit.
I was alone in this world. No hand would reach out to
me.
But it was not the case in the past.
When the village was much more prosperous than it was now,
father used to walk through the fields while carrying me on his shoulders. The
ears of rice we cultivated swaying and rustling in the wind were a magnificent
sight. When I said that the rustling sounds sounded like laughter, father
replied, "Maybe they’re really laughing."
They were rooted in fertile soil, they bathed in the
sun's rays, and finally, they bore heavy fruit that made their heads bow.
“They look happy,” I said.
"...Are you laughing? Are you awake? Or maybe you
are sleeping...”
I suddenly had the impression of hearing someone ask
me these questions. But I didn't have enough energy to reply. Even so, I was
surprised that I was able to slightly open my eyes. I could distinguish a pair
of black shoes in my hazy vision. Their black luster was probably because they
were quite luxurious.
Neither in the village nor in the town where mother had
died had there been children wearing shoes like these.
Yes. A child.
"Young master, it is dangerous."
"...Which part seems dangerous? Cause she doesn’t
even seem to be conscious."
"Even so. Do not get too close."
"Is that so? I mean, this child. I think she'll
die if I don't help her. Is it fine to let it happen?"
"...Well, no it is not fine... but,"
"Right?"
Someone please, carry this child. Along with such
a voice, my body gently floated up. As I let myself drift away, the swaying
felt overly comfortable. I thought I would have no regrets even if I died like
this. But,
"Hang in there!"
Many times, I was encouraged by a gentle voice.
After that, I repeatedly fell asleep and woke up, but
it was all thanks to this person that I managed to survive.
Ultimately, I knew very well that it was the servants
of the mansion who nursed me. The boy just sat on a chair placed beside the
bed, and he didn't even know how to wring out the wet towel.
However, every time I woke up, the child looked at my
face with an extremely worried expression, and it’s thanks to him that I was
able to keep myself alive even though I was suffering from a high fever.
I didn't know his name, but he was by my side. I
thought it was still fine for me to be alive.
"...I left my hometown with my mother and we were
heading for the royal capital, but mother... died of illness."
Eventually, once I completely regained consciousness,
I briefly explained what had happened. I omitted the story of the city I lived
in before coming here. I thought it would be useless to talk about it. I barely
spoke of the village where I was born and raised.
No, it's not that I didn't speak of it, rather, it
might be that I couldn't speak of it. Because I felt guilty.
I had always dreamed of it.
I dreamed that, if I went to the royal capital and
earned money, I could become a savior. Even if I couldn’t make a lot of money,
if I sent a part of my salary to the village, I could feed the young children
for a day or two. I wouldn’t be able to save all the villagers. Still, some lives
could be saved. Yes, that’s what I believed.
Mother must have thought so too. But even though she had,
she ended up losing her life.
In the end, I found out that if you can’t even feed
yourself, it’s impossible to save others.
"Don't make such a sad face.... Because you
finally managed to survive. You are alive now."
The boy's dark eyes dimmed. Apparently, he had no
family. Even without an explanation, I was able to figure it out because there
was no sign of an adult other than the servants. Especially at night, it was so
quiet that the absolute silence seemed to resonate in my ears.
While the mansion was too big, that probably wasn’t
the only reason.
I remembered this kind of peculiar loneliness. I could
sense the same emotions I felt after losing mother hanging in the air of the
whole mansion.
"Yes, I see... You're right. Thank you for
helping me."
I bowed my head to the small owner of the mansion.
I felt much better, but it wasn't like I was suddenly
able to walk around. Still, half sitting on the bed, I talked with the boy.
"Raise up your head."
Suddenly my hands felt warm. In front of me, his shiny
black hair swayed.
The boy's hands overlapped my own hands, which were resting
on the quilt. He tenderly stroked my battered fingertips. The gentle sensation
reminded me of mother. At that moment, I remembered her last words.
―――――The black bird.
"Hey, if you don't mind, can we live together? I
think it's not bad for two lonely people like us to stick together."
He spoke as if he were joking. But his sincere gaze
struck my heart.
I needed this person. But I thought he needed me too.
Even though we had just met, I felt that way for some
reason.
"... Yes, if you don't mind... I want to live
with you."
His fingers clutched my own, and the sensation that
they were clinging to me wasn’t a mistake. We were so lonely.
"By the way... don’t you want to know my
name?"
"... My name is..."
"...Emma."
And you, what's your name?
