Chapter 59

8 – The End of The End – 5

 

The bathtub prepared by the innkeeper was very comfortable.

As I was enveloped by the gentle hot water, the exhaustion that had accumulated seemed to melt along with the sticky blood and mud.

My whole body was heavy and I was on the verge of falling asleep carelessly. To avoid making the same mistake I once did, I quickly got out of the bathtub and put on the clothes Crow had prepared for me.

Although they were second-hand clothes, they were not dirty; rather, they smelled nice and freshly washed. I couldn’t say that they fit me well, but I could tell that they had been carefully sewn so that they could be worn for a long time. The stiff texture was probably due to the thick and sturdy fabric. I had a hunch they were clothes unique to this city. 

 

The dresses I always wore were naturally tailor-made, so there was almost no gap between my body and the fabric. They were hard to put on and remove without the help of a maid, but most of the clothes worn by noble ladies were made like that. A gorgeous dress with a long hem that coiled around my legs and accentuated my thin waist to make me proud of my slenderness was an item that tied me to the aristocracy.

That’s why, it was very easy now. Easy to breathe.

It was partly because the size didn’t fit since it’s something I received, but it was also an emotional issue.

Let’s throw away the blood-stained dress. I left the bathroom thinking that.

 

“... Your face seems a little red.”

 

From the top of the bed where he was sitting, Crow tilted his head. He was wearing a white shirt and black pants, which gave him a natural and unpretentious appearance, and his legs were stretched out, yet he somewhat gave off an elegant feeling.

 

“Ilya?”

 

“...Ah, no. There is nothing.”

 

“That’s not true, right? Something is strange.”

 

His black hair danced on his white cheeks as Crow tilted his head. Even though he was exposed to a lot of wind on the carriage, he wasn’t covered with the slightest speck of dust.

As I was staring at him, I suddenly noticed that his robe, which I had borrowed previously, was hanging on the wall.

Blood must have ended up on it. I couldn’t tell for sure because the fabric was black.

Crow who had followed my gaze smiled softly.

 

“I’ll wash it properly later. More importantly, you.”

 

I was beckoned to come closer to the bed.

 

“Yes. As you said Crow, I might be feeling a little hot because I soaked in hot water.”

 

I wrapped my wet hair in a towel. Drops of water wet the wooden floor. When I wondered why he bothered to call me over when he wasn't that far away to begin with, the boy let out a sigh as if he couldn't put up with it anymore and he said,

 

“I’ll dry your hair for you, so come up here.”

 

But I can't use magic that creates wind yet, so I'll just wipe it off. And he smoothly added something that transcended the scope of my understanding.

Since it can't be used "yet," will it eventually be possible for him to control even the wind freely?

 

“Later, let's buy some oil that you can put on your hair. You went to great lengths to have beautiful hair, so you have to take good care of it."

 

When I sat on the bed with my back facing Crow, he gently wiped my neck and behind my ears with the towel I handed him. While he was at it, he also loosened my tense muscles. My smile spilled out as he pressed on my shoulders.

A long, long time ago, Crow was lying on my bed with his head on my lap. I talked about a lot of childish and silly things.

 

That night I asked him to save my little sister...... to save Sylvia.

 

What if life had gone on without any problems after that? I wonder what ending Crow and I would have achieved.

At least, I don't think we would have met again in this life.

 

"Why don't you rest for a while?"

 

"... Yes, you are right. I will do that."

 

I was nodding off as drowsiness assaulted me. So many things happened all at once that my brain couldn’t process the information. I lay down on the bed just like that.

Maybe because my body was hot, my half-dried hair felt a little cold.

 

"As promised, I'll sing you a lullaby."

 

As I listened to his gentle voice, the bed creaked slightly. When I half-opened my eyes, Crow was lying down just like me and was looking at me.

Two people alone in a narrow bed. Thinking it was like a reenactment of the past, my heart throbbed. A Crow with a young face gave me medicine. He lay beside me, who was on my back as I couldn’t even turn over because of my weakened body. His cold hand gently grabbed my hand.

In reality, are you still in that old bed?

 

Was everything that followed a dream rather than reality?

If so, where on earth am I――――――,

 

******************

 

“... I’m sure you’ll live a long life... and you will be happy. And... if...”

 

“If... one day, a black bird appears in front of you, don’t make the wrong choice.”

 

These were the last words of my mother. She had a gentle smile on her emaciated face. 

Why was she so peaceful in the face of death?

 

A too-harsh journey had made my mother exhausted. In fact, something had been wrong with her body ever since we left the village, but she had hidden her condition so as not to worry me, who was very young. That’s why she was never examined by a doctor during our trip. Therefore, she took neither medicine nor any nutritious food.

I recalled having caught her groaning from time to time because she was assaulted by back pain. But every time I asked her if she was alright, she always answered, “It seems I’m getting old,” with a gentle smile. I had an ominous presentiment when I saw her like this.

There was no way to stop my mother, who was rushing to the royal capital as quickly as possible.

 

Then, after a month had passed since we left our hometown, she could no longer even walk.

 

Ultimately, she collapsed on the roadside. She dragged me in her fall and I was crushed by her weight. I couldn’t breathe. I was struggling with my small body but was powerless to do anything when suddenly,

 

“Are you alright?!” Someone reached out their hand. She was a young woman who happened to be here by sheer coincidence.

 

This person, who safely rescued me, was concerned about mother’s weakened state and she suggested taking her to rest at the inn where she worked. She even offered to let us stay at a very cheap price. She explained that the inn was run by her parents, so that’s why it was possible to lower the price.

For a moment, I thought that maybe, she was pretending to be a good person to become close to us and kidnap me. I had such fears, but our situation was so desperate that I wanted to ask for help nonetheless, so I hesitantly grabbed her outstretched hand.

I knew it would be foolish to ask a complete stranger for help, but I couldn't come up with a better alternative.

I didn’t have enough knowledge to elaborate on a plan and break out of our critical situation.

 

The result of this choice was... My instinct to trust her was proven correct.

I was truly surprised when she even called a doctor because it was just some kind of coincidence that we met like this. When she told me that I didn’t need to pay the consultation fee, I realized that godlike people did indeed exist.

 

However, that being said, it didn’t mean that “reality” showed us any kindness.

The doctor, who visited us a few hours after we arrived at the inn, announced that mother’s illness was nothing to laugh at. I lost my words when I heard him. Trembling with fear, I pressed my hands on my shaking lips.

The doctor sighed with astonishment and gently stroked my head as he added that it was strange she had made it this far.

 

“She even has such a young child with her... I’m sorry, but nothing can be done.”

 

His words stabbed me like a knife. When I reached out my hands to cling to the bed, mother’s thin fingers wiped my eyes. With a hoarse and fading voice, she said, “I’m sorry.”

If I had opened my mouth at that time, words of accusation like, “Why are you leaving me behind?” would have split out, so I just bit on my lips.

 

True to the doctor's words, "She doesn’t have more than a few days left," my mother quietly passed away two days later.

Before she died, she told me a story about a black bird, which left me quite puzzled and weighted on my mind, but even if I wanted to understand what she meant, I could no longer ask her.

If things had to turn out like this, then we shouldn’t have left the village. But my regrets mean nothing now that I’ve lost everything.

 

As I was the only one left behind, I couldn't help but be stunned and unable to think about the future.

Without any other recourse, an inn employee asked a local undertaker to cremate mother's body. Then, he made arrangements to put me in an institution. However, at that point, some people started to raise objections.

They wondered if it was a good idea to put a child of doubtful origin in a facility financed by donations from the influential people of the town. In other words, since I wasn’t born in this city, there was no reason to take care of me.

Because their attitude was very threatening, whether I liked it or not, I realized what kind of situation I was in. I was a complete nuisance.

In the meantime, even the people at the inn who had done their best to be kind to me had come to look down on me, so I couldn’t even stay in the city. I decided to head for the royal capital alone.

The travel funds we originally had had already run out, and even if I wanted to earn enough

money to live day by day, having a child’s body was inconvenient. I couldn’t find any jobs. I didn’t know if they said it out of kindness or not, but some people advised me that I should enter a brothel and start working as an apprentice. However, I thought that my mother would be sad if I entered such a place without having any debt.

 

When I left town, I was handed two copper coins as a parting gift. As I bowed my head in thanks, the elderly couple running the inn cried and said, “We’re so sorry that we couldn’t take you in.” The woman who had helped my mother and me seemed to be their only daughter. Both the parents and daughter were really good people.

However, compassion alone cannot solve everything.

Smiling and saying, “It’s okay,” was more important than thanking them.

 

In reality, I was very scared.

 

I was desperately moving toward the royal capital, but without my mother, I didn't know to what end I was heading there. Originally, she had planned to rely on her relatives once in the capital, but they only exchanged letters once before we left the village, so they didn't seem to be in a very close relationship. Still, I had to rely on them.

Because our village was too poor. The days without rain continued for a long time, the crops withered, and there were only a few dry goods that had been stored.

Before long, the men of the village began to go out and hunt, but a dispute erupted with another village, and they had no time to catch prey.

It must have been inevitable that some people, who would rather try to go to the royal capital than die like this, began to appear. Even if they had to go on foot for a trip that would take weeks with a horse-drawn carriage. It would definitely not be an easy journey, but they hoped that if they made it safely, they might even get a job.

My father was one of them. He said he would get a job in the city and make sure to send us money. He asked us to endure until then and left. He made me kind promises like “I'll send you a letter,” “I'll come back someday,” “Be a good girl and wait for me.”

In fact, we never received news that he had arrived at the royal capital. Had he forgotten about his wife and daughter, or had he died somewhere along the way?

I didn't know which one was the truth, but I knew that my father would never come back to us, so my mother and I decided to leave the village.

 

For me and my mother, who were not accustomed to traveling, the road was harsh.

Since we were not even able to properly prepare travel gear, you could say that from the beginning, dark clouds were hanging over our trip.

In fact, mother ended up losing her life.

If I had been older, I would have booked an inn and I would have had her examined by a doctor earlier. Above all, I would have certainly considered stopping the journey.

Even if we didn't go all the way to the royal capital, my mother would have been able to get some kind of job in the big city we stopped by. At least, she wouldn’t have to die without receiving proper treatment.

 

......But no matter how much I thought about it, it’s already far too late.

Right now, I was in a predicament myself.

 

It was a very important question about when to use the copper coins that were offered with good intentions. After asking for directions to the royal capital, all that was left to do was to walk to it, even if my only possessions were the clothes I was wearing. ……In such a situation, it wouldn’t be strange to die at any moment.

It was just by pure luck that I didn't get attacked by bandits, and it was a mere coincidence that I didn't get kidnapped. After walking for about two days, I suddenly realized I was hungry, and when I took out the bread the innkeeper gave me from my bag, it was moldy, and I couldn't eat it anymore.

I wasted my food with the simplistic idea that I would reach the royal capital someday if I walked innocently.

 

I was an unsparingly ignorant child.

 

Eventually, after walking for about five days, I ran out of water, and I realized there were no shops where I could buy food. Maybe that’s when I reached my mental limit. With every step I took, it felt like my life was being cut short. I staggered a few steps and collapsed on my knees.

When I fell down, my feet appeared in my blurred vision for a moment. I laughed when I noticed that there was a hole in the toe of the shoes I was wearing.

I must have reached my limit, the absolute limit.

I was alone in this world. No hand would reach out to me.

 

But it was not the case in the past.

When the village was much more prosperous than it was now, father used to walk through the fields while carrying me on his shoulders. The ears of rice we cultivated swaying and rustling in the wind were a magnificent sight. When I said that the rustling sounds sounded like laughter, father replied, "Maybe they’re really laughing."

They were rooted in fertile soil, they bathed in the sun's rays, and finally, they bore heavy fruit that made their heads bow.

“They look happy,” I said.

 

"...Are you laughing? Are you awake? Or maybe you are sleeping...”

 

I suddenly had the impression of hearing someone ask me these questions. But I didn't have enough energy to reply. Even so, I was surprised that I was able to slightly open my eyes. I could distinguish a pair of black shoes in my hazy vision. Their black luster was probably because they were quite luxurious.

Neither in the village nor in the town where mother had died had there been children wearing shoes like these.

 

Yes. A child.

 

"Young master, it is dangerous."

 

"...Which part seems dangerous? Cause she doesn’t even seem to be conscious."

 

"Even so. Do not get too close."

 

"Is that so? I mean, this child. I think she'll die if I don't help her. Is it fine to let it happen?"

 

"...Well, no it is not fine... but,"

 

"Right?"

 

Someone please, carry this child. Along with such a voice, my body gently floated up. As I let myself drift away, the swaying felt overly comfortable. I thought I would have no regrets even if I died like this. But,

 

"Hang in there!"

 

Many times, I was encouraged by a gentle voice.

After that, I repeatedly fell asleep and woke up, but it was all thanks to this person that I managed to survive.

Ultimately, I knew very well that it was the servants of the mansion who nursed me. The boy just sat on a chair placed beside the bed, and he didn't even know how to wring out the wet towel.

However, every time I woke up, the child looked at my face with an extremely worried expression, and it’s thanks to him that I was able to keep myself alive even though I was suffering from a high fever.

I didn't know his name, but he was by my side. I thought it was still fine for me to be alive.

 

"...I left my hometown with my mother and we were heading for the royal capital, but mother... died of illness."

 

Eventually, once I completely regained consciousness, I briefly explained what had happened. I omitted the story of the city I lived in before coming here. I thought it would be useless to talk about it. I barely spoke of the village where I was born and raised.

No, it's not that I didn't speak of it, rather, it might be that I couldn't speak of it. Because I felt guilty.

I had always dreamed of it.

I dreamed that, if I went to the royal capital and earned money, I could become a savior. Even if I couldn’t make a lot of money, if I sent a part of my salary to the village, I could feed the young children for a day or two. I wouldn’t be able to save all the villagers. Still, some lives could be saved. Yes, that’s what I believed.

Mother must have thought so too. But even though she had, she ended up losing her life.

 

In the end, I found out that if you can’t even feed yourself, it’s impossible to save others.

 

"Don't make such a sad face.... Because you finally managed to survive. You are alive now."

 

The boy's dark eyes dimmed. Apparently, he had no family. Even without an explanation, I was able to figure it out because there was no sign of an adult other than the servants. Especially at night, it was so quiet that the absolute silence seemed to resonate in my ears.

While the mansion was too big, that probably wasn’t the only reason.

I remembered this kind of peculiar loneliness. I could sense the same emotions I felt after losing mother hanging in the air of the whole mansion.

 

"Yes, I see... You're right. Thank you for helping me."

 

I bowed my head to the small owner of the mansion.

I felt much better, but it wasn't like I was suddenly able to walk around. Still, half sitting on the bed, I talked with the boy.

 

"Raise up your head."

 

Suddenly my hands felt warm. In front of me, his shiny black hair swayed.

The boy's hands overlapped my own hands, which were resting on the quilt. He tenderly stroked my battered fingertips. The gentle sensation reminded me of mother. At that moment, I remembered her last words.

 

―――――The black bird.

 

"Hey, if you don't mind, can we live together? I think it's not bad for two lonely people like us to stick together."

 

He spoke as if he were joking. But his sincere gaze struck my heart.

I needed this person. But I thought he needed me too.

Even though we had just met, I felt that way for some reason.

 

"... Yes, if you don't mind... I want to live with you."

 

His fingers clutched my own, and the sensation that they were clinging to me wasn’t a mistake. We were so lonely.

 

"By the way... don’t you want to know my name?"

 

"... My name is..."

 

 

"...Emma."

 

And you, what's your name?

 

                                                                                                                          

Chapter 58                                                                                                Chapter 60