Sunday, September 23, 2018

Chapter 40

If this is the real end – 23

 

In my first life, I greeted my end in an underground jail.

Remembering the exact moment I died was difficult. I writhed in grief, anguish and despair. I thought it was understandable that my memory was vague.

And so, even if Soleil’s friend came all the way to this place, I couldn’t recall the details clearly. … … I shouldn’t have been able to.

           

In a sudden flash, the mist in my mind cleared up. I remembered one thing.

He, at that time, said he had brought Silvia’s ribbon.

           

As I lay collapsed on the ground, every breath bringing along pain, he told me, “You better give up and die.”

His words were excessively indifferent, but when he whispered “I’m sorry” with eyes blurred out by tears, this might have been his way to offer me his compassion. It’s fine to die now, he might have been trying to tell me that.

Then, extending his arm through the iron grid, he gave me Silvia’s ribbon.

 

“… You might say that you don’t need this, but dying alone is lonely, isn’t it? In the place you must go now, your little sister is waiting. So, set your mind at ease.”

 

However, I probably won’t be able to go there, he said, forcibly putting in my hand the ribbon stained in blood. Even though I was told it was from my little sister, I didn’t recognize it and didn’t feel anything from holding it.

Besides, why did he have something said to belong to my dead little sister? The thought it might have been entrusted to him by Soleil or my parents crossed my mind, but that idea didn’t settle in my mind.

However, if he had been present when my little sister was attacked by the bandits, then everything would be explained.

 

Like the current situation.

 

“Why... are you… here?”

 

The red-haired man Soleil questioned… … Edward, titled his head. Then, with a troubled expression he answered, a smile devoid of strength on his lips, “Don’t you already know?”

You betrayed me? My fiancé whispered in a barely audible voice. His back clearly shook, showing how upset he was. In the first place in such a situation, I didn’t think there were anyone who could maintain their presence of mind.

 

“Soleil. I think you know that too but, for the sake of the one thing they cherish, humans can do everything and anything.”

 

While his hair fluttered in the wind like a swaying flame, he declared so. It had a profound meaning. But Edward sank in silence and looked towards Saion.

Taking over, Saion shrugged his shoulders and said with exaggeration, it’s not a bad thing to cast away everything to protect what’s precious to you. Then he winked his dark purple eyes.

It was strange because his soft narrowed eyes felt like they resembled Silvia’s. But I didn’t know whether or not there was a blood relationship between them.

 

“… What are you talking about? What will you do with me? Say, Lord Saion …”

 

Still restrained by the large-built man, Silvia asked in a small voice.

My little sister was wrapped in the still soft light of the setting sun. If this place was a stage, then she was the leading actress bathed in the spotlight. Tears spilled over from her eyes similar to amethysts, glittering as they fell on her chest.

 

“Well, various things happened. I said it earlier, didn’t I?”

“… Lord... Saion… why? Why are you doing that?”

             

Maybe he was moved by her crying voice that induced pity, but Saion answered back in an irritated tone, “Ah, alright!”

 

“Well, it’s okay, I guess. I’ll explain since you don’t have a lot of time left. I said it earlier but, Her Majesty the Queen who passed away wasn’t blessed with a child. Currently, the problem of her succession has broken out. … … In other words, it’s not that there isn’t any successor. Obviously. The royal family could not not have taken any measure in case something happened to Her Majesty, right?”

 

And so, several successor candidates are currently facing off, aiming for the throne. That’s what Saion talked about.

 

“Among these candidates, there isn’t any who is a direct descendant of Her Majesty. Every last one of them had been living in a place far from the crown. Yet…how should I say it? They have been chosen. Then, there is my brother-in-law. He was lucky… or should I say unlucky? But he became one of the successor candidates.”

 

With a dry laugh he dropped his eyes.

 

“I wonder, isn’t there anyone who can know what his future is going to be like hereafter?”

 

He sighed and it felt like his voice had weakened a little. No one could answer his question. Because no one knew.

Now, time was overwhelmingly too short to organize my thoughts regarding this story I heard for the first time. It wasn’t a light topic that could be answered after a few seconds of consideration. Saion probably knew it too, as he said, “It’s a problem you guys cannot picture either.”

 

“Currently, the royal family is stormy. But a new problem has arisen here. A group advocating the abolition of our monarchy has appeared. And their ulterior motive is to crush in one go our royal family shaken by the problem of succession.”

 

Saion, who had rattled on and on until now, suddenly drew his sword.

 

“In the case someone other than my brother-in-law becomes the king, the people in the way will all be made to disappear. Then again, in the case the abolitionists win the struggle, all the people related to the royal family will be purged. In other words, you see, for my brother-in-law, apart from becoming the next king, there is no other path left.”

 

I wonder if you guys can understand the feelings of people born in such a country?

Saion said as he readied his sword. Matching his action, the other two men and Edward took a fighting stance. The large-built man shoved Silvia away.

My little sister, who became free, tried to move towards us as she staggered, but Saion stopped her with his words, “If you move, I’ll kill you.”

Silvia’s shoulders shook and she stopped where she was. Her figure was hidden by Edward when he stood before her.

We were completely outnumbered. Soleil was at a great disadvantage.

 

… … If the maid who stayed back at the estate transmitted my message to Al, then it was possible he would come here. However, even now, his figure was nowhere to be seen.

In this situation, no matter how much time I stalled, I could already see how this would end.

 

“Moreover, the problem doesn’t stop here. That’s right, I’m talking about Silvia.”

 

My little sister was far. Her trembling eyes were fixed on me. Her eyes were telling me, save me.

 

“If her existence were to become known… in terms of lineage, she would become the major contender for the succession. That would be a problem. After all this time, if she appeared now, that would be very problematic!”

 

Whoosh! The sound of grass being curbed by the wind resounded and became the signal.

The first one to move was as expected, Saion. His drawn sword glittered, in an instant, my vision was dyed blank.

 

“Even so, I won’t allow it!”

 

Rising his sword, Soleil exclaimed this. Violent sounds of metal colliding against each other echoed in my ears.

It was possible that Saion was involved in the intelligence corps of his country, so he may be used to fighting with a real sword. But Soleil was a student. You couldn’t say he had many experiences with actual fighting. Even an amateur like me could tell who had the advantage.

Besides, even now Soleil had yet to fully understand the present situation. He seemed to be sticking to a defensive fight.

 

The two people who had a friendly chat in the cafeteria were now facing each other.

Had Saion anticipated such a future? No, maybe, he had never thought he would be confronting Soleil like this.

If I hadn’t brought him to this place, then Saion and Soleil would never have crossed swords like this.

 

“Soleil, you’re really half-hearted. … … I even tried so hard to show you the right way.”

“…What?”

“I kept encouraging you about your cute Silvia. That more than Miss Ilya, Silvia was a better fit for you. I said it so many times, again and again. Because I knew things could have settled peacefully this way.”

“What are you talking about…?”

“If Silvia had become part of your marquis house. Then this situation could have moved in a better direction. If her name had entered the register of your house and become one of yours, then it would have been the same thing as if she had pledged allegiance to this country.”

“…”

“Because the name of your house is well-known in other countries, Silvia would have become an inhabitant of this country in name and reality. By doing so, she could have completely separated herself from our country. Yes, in that case, there may have been room for negotiations. We could have left Silvia at large and overlooked her.”

 

Soleil had already lost all his words and simply listened to Saion while warding off his sword.

 

“The situation we want to avoid the most is for little Silvia to continue existing as the “innocent daughter” of the earl. No, to be more accurate, if she had stayed in the estate as a secluded young lady, living without her existence being known to others, it would have worked out too. And yet of all things, she had to start attending the academy.”

 

What a shame, said Saion as he shook his head and heaved a sigh.

 

“Even though the people of our country are trying to use Silvia, aiming for the right opportunity to strike…. For her to nonchalantly continue to attend the academy, it really makes me laugh. But you see, even we wanted to avoid a needless killing.”

 

So, I took great pains to give you a choice. Saion swung his sword in a large movement.

Soleil moaned. His sleeve was torn and blood was flowing. Without thinking, I gasped.

 

“Miss Ilya… …”

 

Abruptly, my name was called. Saion shook the blood of his sword, looking at me.

 

“But Soleil said that. … … That if it wasn’t you, if it wasn’t Ilya, it wouldn’t do.”

 

Hearing his words, my eyes opened wide. I couldn’t even answer anything back.

It was completely inconceivable that Soleil had said such a thing.

 

“There was no room for maneuver for me, no place to interfere. So, you didn’t need to be so anxious.”

 

Soleil stepped forth as if to protect me and once again turned towards Saion.

At that moment, a voice resounded, “You bastard, are you betraying us?” When I reflexively turned in that direction, Edward was directing his sword at the big man who should have been standing by his side.

They were scowling at each other with a fierce glare, absolutely not looking like companions.

 

“It’s unfortunate, but I never intended to be on your side from the start, so calling me a traitor isn’t right.”

 

Edward, who had barely interjected in the conversation until now, cheerfully grinned.

 

“… You don’t care about what’ll happen to your family?”

 

Saion asked him in a calm voice. He was still facing Soleil but I understood his question was for Edward.

What was the thing Edward talked about when he mentioned “the one thing he had to protect?” Even without being told, all the people present here knew.

Surely, Soleil must have understood too. “Ed,” He started calling out to him but eventually, drew his lips together.

In this situation, the meaning was that Edward changed to our side. He was exuding an air of determination. 

 

“… Of course I’m hesitating. Naturally, I cannot say I don’t care what will happen to my family. But, they love me. These people would never forgive me if I became a traitor for their sakes.”

 

So, I won’t betray my friend! Soleil’s best friend firmly asserted so.

Hearing this, Saion sneered.

 

“Well, well, well… what a wonderful friendship. But, Ed, that means… you have the resolution to die, right?”

 

You’re so foolish, so childish, he continued.

He was a man who had crossed over countries for the sake of his brother-in-law, a man who had even made use of his friendship with Soleil.

For Saion, Edward’s way of thinking was probably impossible to understand.

 

“…… Alright, now. Playtime’s over.”

 

A slender man, who was looking at Saion’s and Soleil’s confrontation, clapped his hands.

He was probably going to assist Saion. He stood diagonally to Saion’s back, facing Soleil. On the other hand, Edward and the large-built man once again readied their swords.

During the conversation, they had kept each other in check, not averting their confronting gazes from each other.

Even so, Edward slightly changed his posture, his attitude showing he was trying to protect the nearby Silvia.

 

“It’s a pity we couldn’t come to an understanding.”

 

I wondered who said this. Hearing these words which sounded like a sentence to death, my hands unknowingly shook.

Although my life or death was being haggled in front of my eyes, I couldn’t do anything.

 

“Sorry but I’ve no intention of dying!”

 

Edward’s voice was bright. Was he pretending to be confident or did he truly think so from the bottom of his heart?

He rushed towards the big man. As if in sync with his fluttering red hair, blood danced in the wind. The difference in strength was clear. It was impossible for him, who wasn’t even an ordinary knight, to fight evenly with someone who was clearly a professional.

But he still tightly grasped his sword. Even if blood flew, he didn’t show any sign of pulling back by even one step.

 

“… If the country we had been born in had been different, we might have become good friends. But, this is also fate.”

 

When Saion swung his sword, Soleil also countered him.

I was an amateur who didn’t know much about fighting, but since their builds were similar, it seemed that their strengths rivaled each other. But currently, Soleil had to face two opponents.

Saion had probably brought along with him the elites of the secret corps. From the perspective of their age, they couldn’t possibly be students and it felt they were used to real fighting.

 

“And you cannot go against fate.”

 

Saion made a hard-to-read expression, as if he was laughing but also grieving.

For the sake of his brother-in-law, he pretended to be an overseas student and went to a foreign country as a spy. In terms of age he was the same as us, yet he had resolved to dirty his hands to defend what he had to protect.

 

“Everything was going great! If I could have used your complicated relationship, I could have suppressed this situation well!”

 

When Saion talked to me in the back yard, he spoke about his country. That marriages out of love were becoming commonplace.

 In his country right now, a huge change must be taking place. The main populace was probably at its core. That’s why, his and his brother-in-law’s standings were in a terribly dangerous position.

According to his words, that time when Silvia’s mother sought asylum, that country seemed to also have been thrown in the mist of chaos. It was a country that had repeatedly been in conflict again and again like this.

That might have been why he told us with gloomy eyes that he envied our peace. It was hard for me to say I understood his feelings, but I remembered this devoted thought of wanting to do one’s utmost for the sake of one precious thing.

 

“Lord Soleil!!”

 

The sun was setting, dyeing the surroundings red, drowning out the scattered blood.

The one who screamed was Silvia. The slender man had pierced Soleil’s shoulder with his sword.

I almost let out a shriek when he groaned, but I desperately held it down. I didn’t want to be in his way. I just heard that Silvia kept screaming.

 

I thought we’d lose. At this rate, Soleil will die.

Boom, boom, my heart was making a hideous noise. Sweat was drenching my clenched fists. The same moment I felt scared, dizziness assaulted me as an oncoming premonition slowly rose in my chest.

Peeping through the window of my room, a nameless black bird was looking towards me. That bird said he was named Crow, the bird portentous of ill-omen.

 

“Wait, please, wait.”

 

I haven’t made my resolve yet. I still didn’t know what I should do to lead this situation towards a good direction.

My gaze roamed to the right, then the left. I took several deep breaths, trying to arrange my disordered breathing.

Unable to put my mental state in order, I just hurried towards my sister. I knew something was about to happen.

Meanwhile, Silvia’s voice once again rang out, “… Lord Soleil!!”

 

… … However, it wasn’t like Soleil was being driven into a corner.

Before long, he cut down the slender man, then quickly dodged. His sword raised in front of his face blocked Saion’s attack.

 

“…Ah” A voice full of admiration unintentionally leaked out. It sounded distant.

In front of my eyes, the moves they exchanged as they stirred up their swords seemed to slow down. Everything around me seemed to proceed to slow down. I could now perfectly see the sword moves my eyes couldn’t keep up with before.

Soon, Soleil’s sword pierced Saion’s abdomen. The way he screamed and spat out blood was rather disgusting.

I couldn’t help but feel scared. But, that’s why I was convinced it was Soleil’s victory.

 

The fact that I wasn’t feeling relieved yet was because I could guess what would happen after that.

The thought we had won only lasted a moment. Far from losing their fighting spirit, Saion’s eyes shone with a will even stronger than before. The dull light in his pair of eyes sharpened and he looked toward Silvia.

I wondered if anyone noticed it. Not even Soleil, who was tightly grasping the sword piercing him, could have guessed Saion’s intention.

 

It was the will to protect to the end the thing he cherished, no matter what he had to sacrifice for it. The firm conviction to not let anyone get in his way and hinder him. The determination to present his own life in order to carry out his ideal.

 

I also used to be like that in the olden days. That’s why I understood Saion had used his body to seal Soleil’s sword and moved to fulfill his objective.

He let go of his sword, then threw away the short dagger concealed in his sleeve towards Silvia.

 

I thought I wouldn’t make it, but the feeling similar to a threatening sense of duty moved my feet. My body moved faster than my thoughts.

After receiving a strong shock around the lower part of my chest, I understood exactly what had happened. I didn’t feel pain. Because I had previously been assailed by a more intense suffering than this.

My noise and mouth closed at the same time and I became unable to breath. I thought somewhere inside my mind that this sound similar to a hiccup I suddenly made, was because I failed to breathe.

In my back, my little sister gasped. This sound resounded in my ears.

 

“…. Ahah, ahahahahah !! How funny. How... very... funny.”

 

The figure of Saion collapsing while laughing disappeared from my view.

No, it’s not that. I couldn’t keep him in my field of vision. I also couldn’t stand.

Because in my chest, the haft of a dagger was sticking out. 

 

“There is no point, no matter how much you protect your little sister! Her life will always be targeted from now on…!”

 

I thought while listening to the distant screams of Saion. His words had a point. Until its homeland regains its peace, Silvia will surely keep being targeted.

 

… … In that case, all the more reasons to leave that child in Soleil’s care. The overwhelming political power of the marquis house will become Silvia’s shield.

 

“Big sister! Big, sister…”

 

For a few seconds, or maybe a few minutes, I felt my consciousness flying.

Silvia’s voice brought me back to reality. While I was unaware of it, our surroundings had regained their silence.

Frustrated by my blurring field of vision, I blinked several times. When I finally managed to clear it, I saw black hair and a pair of blue eyes. Soleil was peering into my face.

That namely meant that we had reached the conclusion. And the fact he was there probably meant that Edward’s fight had also ended.

“Ilya.” While staring at the face of my fiancé who quietly called my name, I called out the person who should also have been close by.

 

“… Lord Edward, can you take Silvia away?”

 

Despite the fact I should have been in so much pain I thought I couldn’t breathe, unexpectedly, I could speak firmly.

“There is something... I want to talk about... with Lord Soleil.” Now that I thought about it, there was no pain. Only a strange sensation as if my pulse was festering.

 

“Big sister…”

 

Edward pulled away my little sister, who was trying to cling to me who lay collapsed on the ground.

As I thought, he had already suppressed his opponent. He seemed to have been injured, but it seemed it wasn’t endangering his life.

Even though blood was shed, my wish had come true. The fact that his face was distorted was probably because he was feeling remorse for having betrayed his friend, even if it was only a pretense.

 

“Lord... Soleil.”

 

Soleil, who had lifted my upper body in his arms, nodded, “Yes.”

I thought it was a gentle voice. It felt so, for some reason.

 

“I’ll take you to a doctor immediately, so…”

 

He tried to lift me but it didn’t go well and my body once again lay on the ground.

“Damn it!” He clicked his tongue, something that was very unusual for his normal self.

His arm seemed to be considerably injured. He could probably not put any strength in it. Despite this, he was struggling hard in order to hold my body.

 

“Lord Soleil, Lord Soleil … Let me down. Saion’s acolytes... there might be more of them. You have to get... away from there.”

“Alright, I understand. But I can’t leave you behind.”

“… It’s impossible. For the you right now... it is impossible... to take me along.”

 

I didn’t feel any pain. Neither cold nor warmth. But even then, I was running out of breath.

 

“Take Silvia to a place far away from there, please. With Lord E-Edward... the both of you... protect that child. As for me… we’ll part here.”

“… Such a thing! I cannot possibly do that!”

“No, you can. … You have to do that.”

“Impossible! I can’t! I can’t… leave you like this….!”

 

Soleil’s arms wrapped around my back. Then he tried to carry me, but he couldn’t.

Why, doing all this after this struggle to the death… with his body full of wounds. Not only Soleil but Edward too could be said to be in the same situation. They should not have any spare energy left.

Moreover, Saion’s comrades might appear at any moment. They must leave this place as soon as possible. Everyone understood that, and yet, they didn’t move because of me.

 

“Lord Soleil... look… please look at me.”

“…”

“It’s already hopeless for me…. Isn’t it?”

 

As he was crouching down to hug me in his arms, I touched his cheek. His pale skin had no warmth.

No, that’s not it. My fingers had lost all sensation. That’s why I couldn’t feel the warmth of his body.

 

“You have to… make the right assessment... of this situation. Because you will... eventually... become a marquis. The things you need to cherish... and those you need to take care of... you must make sure of them… Please, judge... what you ought to do.”

“I can’t, such a thing, there is no way I could do that…”

 

Soleil, who kept repeating “I can’t,’” was like a child.

I wondered if it was my imagination, but the corner of his long and slit eyes appeared to be reddened, as if tears were hanging at their rims.

However, my vision was blurred, and I couldn’t see his face clearly. Was he regretting his dying fiancée?   

 

“… Lord Soleil... it’s alright already. I mean... you... do not love me... don’t you?”

“…Ilya.”

“You said you cherished me. But... you do not love me... and I too, I also… that’s right.”

“…”

“I do not... love... you.”

 

These words I thought I would never say, smoothly overflew along with my breath.

Even though I thought I couldn’t tell a lie. If it wasn’t for my sake but for his, then I could. These words were said to help him make a decision.

 “…It’s a lie.” Soleil who whispered that, embraced my shoulders. Maybe he was trying to ascertain something but he stared at my face at a distance close enough for our eyelashes to touch.

 

He was the same as me when my mother died.

And I was in the same situation as my mother at that time.

 

I remember how my mother, who died once in front of me, had opened her eyes wide at her very last moment. Those light green eyes of hers had stared fixedly at me. As if she couldn’t close her eyelids.

 I was the same. I didn’t want to turn away from Soleil’s face for the shortest second even. I was afraid that this face I loved would disappear from my view, even if it was just for a moment.

Until my very last instant, I wanted to engrave his face in my eyes. So that even if my life ran out, I wouldn’t forget it. And so, I couldn’t even blink.

 

… … I wondered if my mother might have felt like this too.

 

If that was the case... then, there was an inconsistency in the words she left behind.

If she had truly not loved me, then it would have been better to quickly close her eyes. She didn’t do that. She eagerly gazed at me.

Maybe I couldn’t see the true meaning behind these words because I was so upset. These words that were whispered like a refusal at that time, their true meaning was…

 

Ah, now, I see. I finally, understood. Mother had surely said that.

 

“Sorry, Ilya.”

“I... have... never been able to love you...”

“...well…”

 

That was, in other words, the substitute for “I love you.”

She might have tried to give me, who had to witness her death, some relief.

So, I’ll follow her example. I have to achieve this.

 

“Lord Soleil. Please go…. Go… You said you cherished me... then, keep your promise…”

“Ilya,”

“Hands... don’t let go. That child’s hands... grasp it… protect her…”

 

My throat was making a whizzing sound. I could no longer speak.

Soleil, who was staring into my eyes, strongly closed his eyes.

Then he touched the back of my head and my shoulder, and let out one lone sob.

Finally, he slowly let go of my body.

 

“… Sister! Big sister.”

 

Silvia, who was held by Edward and probably couldn’t move, called me.

 

“I… I, know… I know everything…!”

 

Beyond my darkening sight, I heard the voice of my little sister who was stretching her hand towards me. I knew Edward was holding this little body of hers, trying to take her away.

When I tried to say it was fine like this, I realized my voice wouldn’t come out.

 

“I always knew! That big sister, in reality, you truly love me!”

 

My field of vision seemed to be eaten away by darkness. When I looked up, the twilight sky was darkening, as if a hole was spreading out bit by bit.

I wonder when the sun had set.

 

“After all, if it wasn’t the case… if it wasn’t like this… how would you call this…! It’s because you love me, right? That’s why you protected me…”

 

Her voice... was getting distant.

 

“I know you did that because you loved me! I know you love me, big sister! And so, and so… I also loved you…”

 

My crying and shouting little sister. My lovely, little sister.

If this is love, very well. Then I’ll call this self-satisfaction love.

Being at your side, hugging you, grasping your hand. I was taught that this alone wasn’t love.

           

… … The ribbon Edward had given me in jail. At that time, I thought it wasn’t familiar but…

If it’s the me “now,” I knew what this ribbon was.

           

When I drowned in the bathtub and laid down in bed, that child brought me tea leaves.

The glass bottle containing it was wrapped in a red ribbon. I thought my little sister must have put it to decorate the bottle. …

… Silvia’s belonging brought to me in the prison looked like that ribbon. The Silvia who had been murdered in my first life had… on her way to the theater, or possibly on her way back, she must have bought this ribbon.

Maybe she had even chosen it for me. Although now, I would never know.

           

The act of merely displaying something, wishing it would be understood by others, is not love.

Silvia… sorry. I wanted to say I’m sorry but…

 

It’s already pitch-black. I can’t see anything. The real end is drawing near.

 

I wanted to become someone loved by her parents.

I wanted to become like my little sister.

I wanted to become a lady befitting of being Soleil’s fiancée.

If I got married, I wanted to do the right things as Soleil’s wife, I wanted to carry out justice, I wanted to live without bending my own beliefs.

But all these me I wanted to become, I couldn’t achieve even one of them.

 

It’s not bad. If it’s that kind of life, then surely, it’s not bad.

I thought so, and at the moment I guessed was my last, I took a deep breath.

 

Because I was looking up, the voice fell right onto me.

 

“Finally, I’ve found you.”

“My princess.”

 

 Chapter 39                                                                         Chapter 41


Nocta’s thoughts:

The next arc is entitled, “The Eternity of カリアライア(Kariaraia) Ignis.” The protagonist of the next arc is not Ilya. It’s a man, who said at the very beginning of next chapter that he “lived in a world where magic power and sorcery existed.”  I’ll let you guess who he is.

What to do with this カリアライア(Kariaraia) name? Knowing that the “r” and “l” can be interchanged in Japanese, I have to come up with a good name. For a male, I think. We have Ilya, Silvia, what about Kalyaria? Kaliarya? Any other ideas are welcome. I’m terrible at naming.

53 comments:

  1. Is Ilya really dead now? so far she managed to acomplish? her mission of not letting her die, though not satisfying now would be the end of the series, I wonder what the next arc will be about because it seems like it will be set in a another world.
    Who do you guys think is talking in the end? Crow? or someone else entirely?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. although the ending wasnt satisfying I guess ending this way was better for Ilya because she suffered so much by now and she just wanted for everything to end and it seems that she managed to find inner peace and face her demons

      Delete
    2. That's one hell of a mean streak mindset, if Ilya's work was to ensure Silvyas safety... why the f***k not let her rest in peace when she ran away and was turned into prostitution?

      If she was a "secondary character" then "leading characters" are worth s**t...

      May im quite the blackest hearted one but... just think about this...

      1.People made her the villaness just for displaying the strenght everybody required from the next marquess (you douche bags, you arent willing to dirt your hands yet your mouth are already a mudlark)
      2.This pair of lovebirds didn´t hesitate to humilliate her by displayong their closeness without a care
      3.muahahaha... unless they can privide evidence of atempt kidnnaping and murdering the Aftermath migth be people thinking: "What a heartless man, to get the one she fancied he even had her fiancee killed" and "what a vicous woman, to get into the bed... ahem... to become the marquess, she stole her sister's fiancé and even got her killed"
      4.So they might not be able to marry, finishing with Sylvia diying despite her sister sacrifice... or maybe not, after all, who is willing to risk a daughter's life with a man carring such a bad reputation...

      Coclusion, the marquis house loses it's reputacion from now on and gets ruined.... Muahahahhaa....

      Delete
    3. Out of spite, I agree with you. I wish tragedy to the cheater and homewrecker. Our poor Ilya suffered so much

      Delete
  2. Maybe Kariarya? I remember in the story, some characters called him Ria. So maybe it's better to keep the "ria" in his name

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  3. Thank you for this chapter... I am crying a bit, but I am not satisfied with this end for Ilya, hopefully she appears in one way or another in the next arc.
    I guess the last lines were spoken by Crow (iirc he said something similar at the time of Ilyas mothers funeral, too lazy to check)

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  4. Thank you so much for the chapter 🙇🏻
    I cried so hard that my vision is blurry but I'm ready for the next update!!

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  5. Wow, what a chapter!
    Crow would call Ilya princess and I remember her being displeased with it. So is the next chapter going to be about Crow? He seems to know about magic after all?
    I hope that isn't like Ilya's last live! That would be terrifying and many of our questions regarding the recent changes have still not been answered.
    I'm looking forward to the new arc but only 1 chapter a month?! I know that quality takes time...but 1 month waiting

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  6. I AM NOT SATISFIED WITH THIS ENDING AT ALL!!!!!!! *proceeds to throw cookies at the author* Although I don’t like the ending at all, I agree that our MC feels released now so that’s why I’ll give the author cookies.... But I’m unsatisfied with it so I’m throwing it instead. This ending makes Ilya happy but not me. 😞 Also, the “man” is most likely to be Crow because he’s the only magical being in the story excluding the turning back in time.

    PS Thank you for the chapter...

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  7. I my vision is blury
    My heart is wreck
    My body feel cool
    My brain in a mess
    Pain throbbing in my chest
    I don't know what to do
    But i know for sure that i ready for next arc

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  8. Some corrections:
    - "I’ll explain since you don’t have a lo of time left" <= should be a lot
    -"Then again, in the case the abolitionists won the struggle, all the person related to the royal family will be purged." <= I think maybe a mixture of the following would be better for translation:
    1) "in case of abolitionist winning the struggle, everyone related to the royal family will be purged."
    or
    2) "in the case of the abolitionist winning the struggle, all of the people related to the royal family will be purged."
    or
    3) "if the struggle is won by the abolitionist, then everyone related to the royal family will be elimated."

    - "no matter how much time I staled" <= stall

    - "Rising his sword, Soleil exclaimed this." <= raising or "with the rising of his sword, Soleil exclaimed this."

    - "Even without being told, all the persons present here knew." <= everyone here knew or everyone present knew.

    - "If the country we had been born in had been different," <= we were born in had been different, then we might have became good friends

    -"didn’t know much about fight"<= didn't know much about fighting or didn't know much about combat

    -"When Saion talked to me in the back yard" <= backyard

    - " I could now perfectly see the sword moves my eyes couldn’t keep with before." <= the sword movements that my eyes

    - "there might more of them" <= there might be more of them

    Sorry for all the nitpicking. As for the next arc chapter name "Kaliarya" sounds great. I personally love this ending compare to the rest... it's pretty much enough now, she tried her best and did what she accomplished, had understood more than any of her previous lives,as a reader I don't think I could bear bring Ilya back to life again. ; A ;

    Lastly thank you for the chapter Nocta, have a break!

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    Replies
    1. Your help is greatly appreciate! Thanks K'! I'll edit all these right now ^^

      Delete
  9. for me i like this ending. ilya finally knew her mother actually love her, soliel actually care about her, and silvia love her too. after this death, i bet everyone regret it (i want everyone regret this).
    and another name to consider "Karlria". not even close to kariaraia but sound cute and his nickname karl. (what i m talking about)

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    Replies
    1. Agreed, Ilyas death will be everybody's bourden for the rest of their life... their should be chasticed by having hapiness at hand but scared of reaching out to it... after all Ilya was denied even tenderness despite her struggle...

      And you douche-bag-no-balls-kun, I hope every night you get haunted by all the lifes worth of suffering Ilya went trough...

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  10. the maiden dies and the bitch lives.

    (Kariadaia) is better since his wife call him (daia)

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  11. It's such a long journey...
    My heart hurts while reading this novel

    To translator, thank you so much for willing to translate this masterpiece for us. Fighting on translating! ❤

    It's just my opinion, but what if Ilya is actually a princess from that other world? Crow's world? Since he always calls her princess. Maybe because of some circumstances she ended in this misery world where she always suffer? Maybe now he wants to bring her back? Because he said "finally I found you"?

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  12. For a more liberal name translation, Carlisle actually sounds pretty similar, and has the benefit of being an actual name. You'd probably have to use 'Carl' as the nickname though, which doesn't match as well.

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  13. Honestly this is the most lovely dead Ilia could ever had, she is not hated or feel some regrets, finally is some kind satisfaction for all that she did, cos at least she saved Silvia, get to know that her mother actually care of her, and that Soleil actually do cherish her (the sob part killed me), and yeahhh thank you for the chapter

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  14. Maybe it's crows real name?
    since it says "eternity" and It might be crow who seems like he can actually be some immortal being.

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  15. really this novel is a kick to the stomach, and I still could not stop seeing her waiting for Ilya to shout at her face to her sister who was a hypocrite, that if she were a good sister she would not be seducing her sister's fiance, but anyway ... uff finally finish reading the unbearable Silvia, Hallelujah

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  16. AAAAAAAA
    FRUSTRATION
    BBY ILYA HAS NO HAPPY END
    AT THE SAME TIME SHE GETS GOOD REST
    AAAAAAAAHAHAHHHHHHHH
    IM SO
    CONFLICTED

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  17. stayed up til 7am reading this and i am going to bed heart broken and with a raging headache. on one hand - if ilya found peace; i'm happy for her. on the other; let her live a decent fkn life for once author! hoping hard she appears later on! ty for transiiiiing

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  18. Its that stupid black bird crow.

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  19. Repeated suffering ... unintentionally still hurt..

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  20. I hope the next one to suffer in a loop is the fiance. He has to make a future where Ilya isn't killed in this scuffle.

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    Replies
    1. he already kind of is... everynights nightmare... it's just writer sama is quite the mean one, the douchebag forget everything once awaken...

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  21. kind of ironic... by willingly geting stabed in the heart (literally) she finally broke free from being stabed in the back and getting her heart gouged out (figurately)...

    and the best is... everybody will realice now how much of s**theads they were, all the suffering she endured and that everything could have ended in a better way... had they had a bit of courage to at least honest with each other.....

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  22. what a "if it wasn’t Ilya, it wouldn’t do"
    (flips up the table)
    ther wy the f***k you kept porsuing her sister, and even humiliated her by favoring some else instead of your fiancee...
    "half-hearted" doesn't even come closer to describe such a goof-for-noothing-no-balls MC...
    (throws away chips bag)

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    Replies
    1. lel, true, but he was controlled by the plot too.. remember? sadly..

      Delete
    2. about your complain about "if it wasn't ilya, it wouldn't do", i feel like it's a nod to previous arc where soleil seeing his past live as dream

      there's two possible meaning from soleil's word
      1. he could possibly genuinely begin to like ilya but still isn't clear on his own feeling, but this is mostly impossible
      2. it's like what he said in previous arc .. as a marquis he need a strong woman who need not to be protected, he is aware woman like silvia cann't endure the responsibility of being marchioness despite how much he want her, thus "if it wasn't ilya, it wouldn't do"

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  23. I read this chapter almost 10x times now.
    Literally, i shed manly tears for almost 10x times.

    I dunno why, but... I feel like i will read this chapter again sooner or later.
    I can't help it tho, cause Illya finally can find peace in her death's door. T_T

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  24. Is this the end? Won't it game over screen appear again once she died? No, I can't believe this is over. I want to hug her, protect her between my arms, and say everything is gonna be okay now..

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  25. THE LITTLE SISTER IS SO SELFISH TO TAKING ADVANTAGE OF HER BIG SISTER KINDNESS IF SHE REALLY LOVE HER SHE SHOULD NOT SHOW AFFECTION TOWARDS THE FIANCE FROM THE VERY BEGINNING AND ACT COTISHLY AND REJECT THE FEELINGS OF HER AND HIM ACTING SO INNOCENT BUT NOT AT ALL ... I REALLY HOPE AUTHOR GIVE ILYA A BETTER MAN THAN THAT BASTARD FIANCEE

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  26. Coming back here after chapter 54...

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  27. I cried while reading this from the first chapter till the end.

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  28. Finally, Ilya had her death. And I am crying like there's no tomorrow. But still Im happy, Ilya finally found love and peace.

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  29. So that never-ending loop that she had is actually to sacrifice herself for her little sister and prevent her death, reveal the truth.

    Indeed a beautiful story but still, I cried for Ilya.

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  30. such a sad ending...., i think Ilya was tired of Sylios actions which started to reduce her feeling for him and i know she loved Silvia and her Mother too but... she was too tired to appease some poopooooooooooooooossssss!

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  31. You know, everytime I read this I'm haunted by the fact that it's a romance and a tragedy. I really wanted to see a happy ending,but at least Ilya had some kindnd of closure.

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  32. Can someone please explain to me why Soleil was nice to her this time around (instead of being controlled(?))

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    Replies
    1. I think the voice inside his head saying "don't do that" is him in his sleep. He is remembering the past in nightmare form then forgets about it afterwards. So everything that he has done up to now is out of his own volition.

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  33. that is such a trash story , what have been achieved . her parents admitted they hate her. no thing more can be added about the trash fiance . i feel like puking every time i see silvia calling 'big sister' . in the end she had been punished because she could not save the trash sister and manged to get out of that cycle only when she saved her . there was not a single happy moment in her life and she died just like that . fuck you author

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  34. I can't believe she died just like that with no justice or anything. I feel so unsatisfied and hurt. Why author why?!

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  35. HAHAHA in the end it became like that. i guess this is what "side character" predetermined fates. died so the "main characters" can get their supposedly happy ever after ending.

    truthfully, i am thankful she's dead now, more so if this looping is ended. she can finally achieved peace, she's at least understand all those "why" she's been asking about. neat little ending eventhough its empty and hollow just like her life. probably the author either projecting or they just want to achieve this kinda ending. selfless death for the greater good.

    pfft

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  36. She's seen death in prison, suicide by hanging, constant neglect that borderlines abuse, a crazy bitch of a mother that committed suicide right in front of her, sis getting pregnant with trashs' child, slavery, prostitution, a grave illness, death of the only person loyal to her... I can go on till morning lol. So, why is she still begging for their love? What is it that Sol**l has, or sis and parents whatever, she is unable to let go? Once or twice I would understand, but even she lost the count of how many lives she's suffered, now this is simply illogical. One wouldn't get such a love and devotion even if they saved a fucking country, but??
    I hate life lmao. Maybe this ending. Maybe both. The next arc better give me some answers 'cause I'm about to riot.

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  37. This, was a great chapter. Even if she might have been wrong, I'm happy that till the end Sylvia believed that her and her sister mutually loved each other. Fuck romance, fuck their parents, give me more sisters staying together!!! Soliel actually showed a good side that I'd been curious about this arc so I'm pretty happy with him, though I don't think it'll ever be possible for all three of them to be happy together, it would be nice if there's another timeline where they could all have just gotten along without the stupid messy feelings

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  38. I dont mind having Crow as the next ML, because, well, he is quite an interesting character. However, I still have hope for Illya, even though she is now dead, since we saw Crow finding her at the end. I´ve never cried during this series, nor have I gotten mad or suffered, and I think it is because I´ve always had hope. I know, actually, quite few stories which actually end in a way that, well, is not happy for anyone. I don´t believe, even after all of this, that this is one of those stories.

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  39. why are you doing this to me

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  40. That's it? It's like 1st episode of re:zero lol. It took so much time for the lead to get her acts together and then she died lol. She knew there will be a bandit group, she could have atleast brought AL with her. My impression of her from the 1st chapter hasn't changed a little bit, "a fcking simp with negative iq", yes that's what she is.

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  41. bro ,im literally holding back my tears

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