Chapter 4

The Beginning – 2

 

“You, you killed Silvia, right ?!”

 

He said it in a low voice that seemed to crawl on the ground. It was a voice I had never heard until now.

These words were certainly addressed to me, but it was as though they were directed at someone else.

While I was still in a daze and couldn’t comprehend his meaning, the steward blandly informed me of Silvia’s death.

           

Hearing this, just for a short instant, delight arose inside me.

Now that hindrance is gone, now Soleil will look at me, now I won’t have to watch over the two people who share the same heart.

That sweet illusion flickered through my mind.   

           

But I only shivered in joy for a brief moment and was brought back to reality by his voice. 

“It really was you.” 

Hearing his rough tone made my blood drain from my face.

           

What on earth had I been thinking?

           

That child was my little sister. She might have been my love rival, but even so, she was certainly my little sister.

In our childhood, I had tightly grasped her tiny hand and decided to protect to the end this all too weak child.

For that child’s sake, I had sworn to fulfil the role of a ‘big sister.’ Although I hadn’t been able to do it very well, although the outcome was that I had thrown away the vow of that day, but then, even so…  that child was my little sister, and I was this child’s older sister.

           

That child... she... Silvia had... died.

           

The breath leaking out of my throat made a whistling sound.

The blood that had been drained from my face didn’t return to my emptied head, which was pounding and fully seeking help.

            

“It really was you who killed her, right?!”

           

While looking at my expression, Soleil repeated the same words in an incoherent muttering, as if he was ascertaining his conviction.

‘You’re wrong.’ I didn’t know whether or not my muttering voice reached Soleil.

‘You’re wrong, you’re wrong.’

I must have said this any number of times, yet, Soleil threw the knife he was holding and yelled.   

            

“I won’t forgive you, I’ll never forgive you!”

            

His pupils that usually never reflected any emotion were showing a deep hatred.

My lips moved to tell him to wait but I couldn’t make a single sound.

My throat felt like it was burning hot and all my words had been sealed.

Soleil glanced at me, and in one breath he pulled the tablecloth of the dinner that had been swept aside and reduced to a pitiful sight.

Everything that had been on that tablecloth was thrown with force on the hard floor.

           

A violent sound pierced my ears.

           

The decorating vase that had contained flowers of various hues was smashed up.

Since it had been the first time in a while that we would have dinner together, these flowers had been personally prepared by me.

As Soleil had been excessively busy, I had thought I mustn’t let his spirits dampen, so I had gathered many flowers of warm colors.

But in order for it to not become too gaudy or too simple, I had assembled them with great care.

           

The dinner that was scattered on the marble floor had been something I prepared many days before, after having consulted the head cook on several occasions.

I had thought that Soleil would probably be tired, so I had ordered nourishing but easy to digest dishes to be made.

           

In every detail, there had been meanings. Every single detail had been chosen by me after many careful considerations.

That had been a brand new and delicately woven tablecloth chosen especially for this occasion, but anyhow it had been dyed by dark stains of wine and of the dishes’ sauces.

When I recall that night, I remember this sight that had been etched in my memory.

           

It was thrown away, crushed on the marble floor, and rolled into a ball.

I didn’t know what should be done, and reflexively I pulled it toward me.

I had thought it would have been nice if he had noticed it was a new tablecloth.

Because Soleil was indifferent to this kind of things, I had been in a good mood imagining what kind of answer he would have made if he had noticed.

           

In my field of vision, a spotless pair of leather shoes appeared.

While usually there was no sound of footsteps when he was walking, his heels loudly resonated as he crossed the room.

           

Completely disregarding me who was still sitting down on the ground, Soleil was about to leave the room.

Wait, please, wait. Somebody, someone, please tell him. I didn’t do anything. It wasn’t me, someone please convey this to him.

I was screaming with my whole body. But, not a single word was formed. Because of my intense sobs, I couldn’t utter an intelligible syllable.  

           

Because, I never thought that.

I never thought that Soleil could see me in such a way.

That he could think I would be a person who would murder her little sister.

           

I wasn’t trembling because I was feeling a freezing cold.

I was tightly holding onto the tablecloth that was not of any use, as if to depend on it, but right now, there was not a single person who would defend me.

While I was lamenting and twitching from convulsions, somebody seized me.

I was grabbed from both sides, lifted up and suspended by force.

           

As if I was a criminal.  

           

Soleil, Soleil, for you, was I such a detestable existence? The days that had piled up so far, the time we had spent together, did they have no meaning at all?

Even if it were just to get an explanation, he had no interest in listening to me.

 The feelings I couldn’t put into words were overflowing out of my mouth in the form of weeping.

To go after him, to chase after that back which was going away, I violently pulled on the arms that were restraining me.

            

Bam! 

That door, which was brutally slammed shut, was demonstrating Soleil’s evident rejection.

He didn’t even look back. He left without showing the slightest hesitation after hearing his wife’s screaming and crying voice.    

           

… … And then, after that separation, Soleil never appeared in front of me again.

           

That had been my first life.

           

After that, I was locked up in my own room and was told by the steward that once evidence was gathered, I would be divorced then handed over to the kingdom.

While I pleaded my innocence, I was convinced that such a thing would never happen.

And even if I was under house arrest, I believed Soleil would change his mind.

After all, I was unrelated to Silvia’s death.

           

However, strangely, in the blink of an eye, I was imprisoned as a criminal. 

           

After I was thrown into an iron cage and deprived of my liberty, a great amount of evidence that I had no memory of started to accumulate.

When I heard that a gang of thieves, whom I had never seen nor met, confessed the attack carried out on the earl’s driver had been instigated by me, unintentionally, a burst of laugher escaped my lips.

Such an absurd story, would the authorities, not to mention Soleil, believe it?

           

When I realized I had been ensnared by someone, I was already in a desperate situation where nothing could be done and I was accused of the sin of murdering a member of my own family.

           

I knew that among the nobles, sometimes, there were cases of someone getting set up. I just never thought it would happen to me. 

           

However, without even needing to carefully think about it, my position of the next marquis’s wife was something that other people could desperately want.

I had, after all, desired that title myself. But then in my case, as long as I could have the position of ‘being Soleil’s wife’, I didn’t care about anything else.

If you think like this, it wouldn’t have been strange for people to wish to take my place.

           

Then, to replace me, what should be done? It’s simple. Removing the hindrance will do.

           

I had planned to be careful. But, I had not thought about this deeply enough. I had never considered that with such means, everything could be stolen from me.

           

While she herself hadn’t been aware of it, at some point, the person called ‘Ilya’ had steadily started to be looked down upon.

As I had been imprisoned, I couldn’t prove my innocence by myself. All I could do was to pray. That someone would attest that I had been falsely accused.

           

I did this, till the very last moment, I continued to pray. And I believed. That someone would, that Soleil would, rescue me from this jail.

           

With my knees on the ground lined with cracked stones, and both of my elbows resting on a bed so crude I had never seen one of this kind in all my life, I prayed.

             

Soleil was ‘a righteous person.’ No, he was a person who wanted to be a righteous human. A person that only knew of ‘white’ and ‘black.’

Right now, he was simply shaken by Silvia’s death and his judgement had been clouded.

If you calm down, you will surely understand. That the gathered evidence had only been forged.

That’s why, surely, he would prove my innocence.

Even if it was hopeless for now, one day, he would apologize for his fault and come pick me up.

That was what I believed.

           

He was the person I had fallen in love with.

           

“Why... to such a point?”

           

“Why... do you believe in him to such a point?” I vaguely remember that was what somebody asked me.

           

I don’t understand myself.

Something like an answer, I think I don’t have one.

I simply loved him.

As if I was going mad, no, I loved him to the point of having gone mad.

           

… … But, in the end, he, in whom I had believed to that extent, didn’t save me.

           

I don’t remember my last moments.

           

Because I don’t remember having been executed, I think I surely died in that prison.

When I smell the stench of mold, I remember that place.

It had been an excessively terrible room for a daughter, born in a noble house and raised since her childhood to fit the position of the next marquis’s wife, to die in.

Even more since that happened under false charges.

That’s probably why I had not been able to survive in that place.

           

Originally, the jail where a noble who had committed a crime would be imprisoned was another room that would be called ‘prison’ in name only and would have been unrelated to anything filthy.

 I would have been put in there if the regular procedures had been followed.

But my own biological parents didn’t allow it, as well as Soleil. He was the next marquis and his house court rank was the first among its peerage, second only to the dukes. In other words, it was a position just below the royal family.

The requests he made were usually granted. Because he understood this, he had been restraining himself.

This Soleil had wished for me to be locked in that jail.

I guess I was hated to that extent.  

           

That’s why I wasn’t judged as a noble, but as a commoner.

The moment my parents, who I thought were my sole allies in this society, turned their backs on me, my life certainly ended in its truest sense. 

           

Silvia had been loved by everyone. Let alone my parents, who loved Silvia more than me.

           

This world was revolving with Silvia at its core. T

hat being the case, after Silvia had died, all that was left to be passed through was the epilogue. The appendix of a tale, just a postscript.

 

Nothing much but an unimportant story.

 

That’s most likely why, whether in that tale my death is featured or not, is probably nothing but a small incident.  

Chapter 3                                                           Chapter 5