Chapter 5

The Second Life – 1

 

Clank! 

The sound of porcelain colliding together resounded in my ears.

That was how my second life started.

 

“What happened? Ilya?”

 

Soleil peers in my direction.

Inside my head, memories of my already ended previous life rush over.

It seems I’m about to faint.

In front of my eyes is that same white table than at that time.

The tea wares prepared for that day had been white porcelains adorned with the lovely design of scattered little flowers. I had expressly ordered it from the regular merchant who had goods my little sister seemed to like.

The black tea leaves had been prepared for Soleil who had always liked their fragrance, while several kinds of freshly backed pastries had been made separately for Soleil who didn’t like sweet things and for Silvia who liked them.

Disregarding the words of our mother who said it was alright to entrust those details to the maid, I had arranged the party myself. If I didn’t do it, I wouldn’t have been able to calm down.

 

Until this tea party, until that instant, my little sister had been ‘my cute, lovely Silvia.'

Soleil was unmistakably my fiancé, the sole person who cherished me.

For their sake, I had polished every detail to make this tea party an enjoyable event. I made preparations beforehand, set instructions, and made plans so that the two of them could spend time in a relaxed mood.

So, I had been thinking that anything and everything would go well. Until the moment the two of them met.

 

The garden where roses selectively bred were blooming beautifully was my mother’s pride and the place in which tea parties were held each time a guest was invited.

That’s why, this time too, it was used. Because I had thought that by doing so, nothing could go wrong.

Arranging the tableware, pulling on the cloth, letting the maids set the tea and pastries. In that place, I waited for my little sister and my fiancé.

While having a pleasant chat with my fiancé who had appeared first, I waited for my little sister to arrive.

That child had been laughing and saying she was feeling great this morning. So, she would participate in the tea party without fail.

Thanks god.

I was thinking I wanted to make the introductions as soon as possible. I wanted to introduce the fiancé I boasted about to my cute little sister.

 

Then, as I was casually talking with my fiancé, I heard the footsteps of someone stepping on the lawn.

‘Ah, my little sister has arrived’, I thought and raised my head.

Suddenly, when my line of sight landed on my fiancé who was sitting at my side, he had the expression of someone who was befuddled.

His usually impeccable, toned profile, appeared somewhat idiotic as he was wearing a strange expression.

Seeing this, my heart became stiff.      

 

… … Ah, once again.

 

Someone whispered this inside my head. For a second, my breathing stopped.

 

… … This time too, it happened.

 

Very clearly, a voice I knew said this.  

 

Carrying a pale pink rose that my mother had put great efforts into raising, Silvia is walking toward us.

The beige dress that was close to a white hue matches her clear white skin well.

With her loosely tied silver hair that are fluttering in the breeze, her appearance closely resembles the picture of angels seen at the church.

I know that my blood is draining from my complexion.

To block my field of vision, when I close my wide opened eyes, memories of my first life flow through my head.

My trembling hand drops the cup I am holding on its saucer with a clank. 

 

“What happened? Ilya?”

 

When I notice, Soleil who should have been sitting beside me had got up.

Across from him, my little sister Silvia stands there.

I can see the figures overlap.

Once before, I had seen the two of them standing side by side like this.

Yes, once, in my previous life.

At this moment that repeats itself, in the blink of an eye, memories of my already lost life are recalled.

I suppress the scream that is about to escape my lips with both hands.

 

The fact I was still somewhat able to not lose myself, was probably due to my attachment to Soleil.

 

I had never forgotten the failure made at that first tea party.

That’s why, somewhere inside my confused head, the me of my previous life warns me I absolutely mustn’t fail this time.

I have to smile.

That’s what I thought right away.

Fend it off with a smile. I must forgive the two of them who are staring at each other.

 

When I get up in a fluster and bump my foot on the table, the tableware on it makes a strangely intense sound. 

 

“What happened? It’s not like you,” says Soleil while smiling wryly. 

 

I realize that under my dress my feet are trembling.

 

“I apologize.”

 

When I smile, Soleil also answers with a smile and strokes my back in a smooth motion.

Receiving that gesture that seemed comforting, I almost erupted in cries in spite of myself.

The figure that had called me a murderer, had spat words of hatred saying he would never ever forgive me, was presently not here.

 

I thought I was granted a chance.

That god had granted me a chance to redo my life.

That god had taken side with me who had met a sorrowful end due to false accusations.

 

“Lord Soleil, this is my little sister Silvia.”

 

Smiling, I make a quite natural expression rise to my face.

When you are born as a noble, you will become able to easily paste such an expression on your face.

Seeing me like this, Soleil also shows a smile.

His eyes which are looking at me, as expected, don’t contain any emotion at all.

But at least, there is no color of contempt.

 

“It is a pleasure to meet you, big brother.”

 

Soleil moves his line of sight from me to Silvia.

For a mere moment, their line of sight cross.

While looking at this scene, I suppress my pounding heart atop my clothes.

In his eyes that look like a layer of thin ice, a color different from usual had flicked then disappeared. I had certainly seen it. 

 

“Nice to meet you, little sister. Isn’t it still a bit too soon to call me ‘big brother’ though?”

 

Ah, I see. If like this, I calmly serve as this tea party host, will this time proceed this peacefully?

The noisiness of the disturbance that happened in the previous time doesn’t exist, only a gentle and soft breeze is blowing.

           

It’s alright, it’s alright, I can do it.

I won’t tread on the same path than last time.

It won’t become the same, never, it won’t lead to that.

           

Soleil fixedly stares at Silvia’s face who lowers her eyes and says with a mild-mannered expression that her body is not very healthy.

I don’t fail to notice his fingertips that moved with a twitch.

I am sure he wants to touch my little sister. He must yearn for that ephemeral being.

His fingers, which touched me without the slightest hesitation, were afraid to touch my little sister.

It seems like a voice telling him ‘I want to touch, but I cannot’ was resounding in his ears.

           

‘You can’t. You mustn’t lose your composure,’ warns the previous me.

While striking a trifling conversation with Soleil and Silvia, I persuade both my head and my heart by repeating any number of times ‘I understand. It’s alright.’ I don’t want to be disliked by Soleil. I don’t want to be hated.

Even if I have returned to an already irremediable situation due to my behavior until now, in that case, I at least must avoid being hated.

If it’s now, I surely can do it. After all, I knew all the incidents that would happen from now on.

All I have to do is to correct the mistakes. Everything will go well if I correct every single error I made.

Isn’t it a simple thing to do? Just like how I’m doing now at that tea party, I certainly can manage it well.

           

… … This second life of mine, just like this, started to retrace the path treaded in my first life.

           

What would make Soleil feel displeased if said, what would end up in a failure if done, all the things the past me hadn’t been able to see, were terribly clear to me.

Rather than saying I vividly remembered my previous life, it was more correct to say I distinctly knew what would happen after that.

Before anything had even started, the incidents that would occur from now on were reenacted in front of my eyes.

So, I chose the alternatives that would lead to a happier life than in my previous existence. It was simple. I just had to follow the opposite path of last time.

           

However, even so, there were occasions on which no matter what, things wouldn’t go the exact way I had desired.

For example, in a town I didn’t know, they unexpectedly happened to meet.

Or that time when Soleil went to visit Silvia who was lying in bed due to her sickness.

There was also the fact that, before I knew it, Silvia had become acquainted with Soleil’s friend.

In this way, there were incidents I couldn’t take part in and couldn’t correct the way I had wanted to.

At those times, I had no other choice but to believe in the huge flow I couldn’t go against, namely the force called fate.

           

In other words, no matter what I did, I couldn’t prevent the two of them from loving each other.

           

If I had to say what could be done, at most, it was preventing Soleil from harboring animosity toward me.

That was all I could do. It was only to that extent.

           

But in fact, even if it was only this, it brought me a lot more pain than what I had imagined.

             

I had thought I could do it well.

To be frank, it can be said I had underestimated life.

Because I had experienced it once, I felt like I was god and thought I could choose the right path.

No, actually, because there was only one path I could choose, I intended to follow it.

           

A life devoid of choices, how much worth does it hold?

           

Such a thing, does it hold any meaning?

I sealed away the words that conveyed my feelings, I didn’t do the things I wanted to do.

I became detached from honesty and shut down my real thoughts in the depths of my chest.

My thoughts didn’t accompany the words that left my mouth, as if I was only reciting from memory a line someone had written, like I was trapped in an illusion.

Sometimes, I didn’t even know if I was breathing.

           

Am I really living my own life?

           

Every day that piled up, each time I became older, I came to ask myself such a question.

           

Then, following the days that passed in that way, Soleil and I got married.

It was the same as in my first life.

The decisive difference was that Silvia and I had built a good relationship as sisters.

And Soleil and I had also become able to face each other much more than in my previous life.   

           

Life was going better than the previous time. 

           

But it was an irremediably vain life.

           

It was a lot similar to the days spent praying in that jail.

There were no exits.

I didn’t have any freedom.

Nor means to convey my thoughts.

           

In neither my words nor my actions, not a single thing, I could find any meaning. 

Chapter 4                                                              Chapter 6

Chapter 6

The Second Life – 2

 

In my second life, among the choices I lost, there was the one called ‘peace.’

           

Although in my first life, I had sunk to the level of a foolish woman only concerned about Soleil and who ran around driven by violent and deep jealousy, originally, I wasn’t a person who liked disputes.

My words were few, I wasn’t eloquent, rather than standing in front of someone, it was more in my nature to step back behind someone and let him protect me.

I wonder if it’s possible that, when you’re born and raised as the daughter of a noble, it becomes your natural disposition.

An escort always sticks to you. Before you can act, a maid has already sensed what you want to do and has carried it out.

In an emergency, your life takes precedence over everyone else’s. You should be protected by either your father or your husband, and without doubt, you will believe that their large backs exist for this purpose.

           

However, Soleil didn’t desire his wife to be like that.

Despite him falling in love with a frail girl, even then, I don’t know if it’s because he was seeking a person able to bear the weight of being a marquis’s wife, but he never allowed me to be a weak existence.

I think that was especially the case after we got married.

As the model of a proper husband, while he would encourage me with gentle words, if I were to really ask him to lend me his shoulder, he would show a somewhat disappointed expression.  

           

That was why I had to become a wife stronger than anyone.

           

The me of the first life, probably had only been a normal woman. The kind of woman you could find anywhere.

She may have received the training to become a marquis’s wife, but it can be said it was only such a woman. Regarding her other aspects, she was an ordinary woman to the extent that she seemed pathetic.

That was why she would slander the women who got close to Soleil or pick quarrels with them, using these unmistakably poor methods to try to keep them away.

Without doubt, I had been barking like a weak dog.

I think it was because I clung to the position of being Soleil’s fiancé.

With hair of the plain color of ashes and mediocre features, but without casting away the pride of being an earl’s daughter, by relaying only on my feelings for Soleil, I always stood firmly still in the middle of the violent stream called life.

For that purpose, I had piled up efforts as though I would vomit blood. Otherwise, even simply standing would have been difficult.

           

 … … In that way, when I looked back on the me of my first life, I thought this.

All the things that happened, didn’t they occur because I had been a weak human being?

Because my heart was weak, because I was a daughter who had nothing, I had provided a weakness to take advantage of for those who looked down on me.

Because the situation had been like this, I had been accused of the sin of murdering my own family and lost my life in jail.

           

When I learnt this was my second life, I thought that this time, I must lead it well.

Even if I only looked good on the surface.

Even if I only became a paper tiger.

If, from the perspective of other people, I looked like a tiger, those who would attempt an attack would probably disappear.

           

A life that would end in a jail, I didn’t want to experience it again.

The person I loved didn’t trust me, my family turned their backs on me, the people I considered my friends ignored me once I was thrown in prison.

The pathetic woman who could only pray, didn’t receive a single word from them.

Even if it had been a lie, it would have been fine.

If even one person had told me “I’ll help you”, with only that I would have been saved.

The me who had been waiting with all her heart for that single word to be said, had been a pitifully and miserably, irremediably wretched existence.

And more than anything, she had been foolish.

           

That’s why, the me of my second life, took every possible measure and used all the cards she could play.

Even if someone called me a coward, even if I was scorned for only being a woman, I never gave in, and made full use of my position as the next marquis’s wife.

I acted that way at the time I was a fiancée, then after the marriage, I expended my circle of friends, and with an authority that was enough to overpower my surroundings, I strengthened my power base.

I was considerably helped by the personal connections I had built since my early childhood thanks to my standing as Soleil’s fiancée.

In my first life, I had been straightforward like an idiot, and never had the idea of using others.

So, in my second life, I didn’t hesitate. Something like wavering shouldn’t happen.

They too, not for my sake, not for me as an individual being, but for a marquis’ wife, would spare no effort and lend a hand.

And in exchange, I would also send my assistance if they needed it.

           

… … What I had overlooked in my previous life, now I could see it terribly clearly.

What words to choose for your conversation partner to harbor good will toward you, what kind of attitude to take to give him or her a good impression of you; by always reading their slightest reactions, the human being called Ilya was created.

When facing someone, I took note of their nonchalant gestures, tone of voice, slips of tongue, expressions, line of sight, the number of times they would blink, even reaching the point of noticing the jolting of an eyeball. I observed them like I was analyzing insects.

When doing this, in due course, I understood who betrayed me, or who would try to betray me.

I traced a clear demarcation between the people I could trust and those I couldn’t.

           

Sometimes, just because they were slightly suspicious, people would be convicted.

           

For me, no, for the people backing me, the power to make such a thing happen existed.

In my first life, I had been in a position where I knew somebody had set me up, but I myself had been unable to stop it.

I knew that being careless would lead to dying. While tracking down people and driving them to a corner made me harbor feelings of guilt, it was necessary in order to protect myself to the end.

Because I knew without doubt that if, like in my first life, I was accused of any crime, both Soleil and my parents, even the friends I had become intimate with, would easily abandon me.

In that way, I simply single-mindedly sought power, harvested all the highly subtle suspicions, and trampled them.

           

To this, Soleil simply gave his tacit consent.

What I was doing was similar to how I had acted before our marriage, but he probably knew I wasn’t driven by childish jealousy now.

After all, he was a member of the nobility. He understood that by only glossing over things, you couldn’t defend the house. For this reason, he chose me as his wife, as his piece.     

            

“You’re a terrible woman” someone told me. “I don’t want to become one of your enemies”, they smiled bitterly while somewhere in their eyes, they disavowed such a woman.

           

However, only Soleil grasped my hand, and told me it was fine. “Even when I’m absent, I can entrust the house to you with peace of mind.”

           

… … “I’m really glad I have taken a woman such as Ilya as my wife”, he said with a smile.

           

That’s why I persuaded myself.

With this, it’s alright.

With this, there is no doubt.

It was the correct path.     

           

Any number of times, I told myself that by following that path, by doing so, Silvia wouldn’t die.

           

For the sake of protecting Silvia, to accomplish that end, this time I really have to do my best.

I have to be strong. I have to be an existence everyone is afraid of.

No matter how much I truly don’t want to be such a figure.

I must become an existence completely different from the child Soleil fell in love with.

           

And then, in the early summer three years after our marriage. The fateful day came once again.

           

In my second life, the gang of thieves that had attacked Silvia that day had already been arrested.

The one who had acted against them had been me.

Because I couldn’t stand by and do nothing when I knew she would be attacked, I used all the cards in my hands to drive that organization to its annihilation.

The men who were arrested probably had never thought such a thing would happen.

They had dumbfounded expressions. When I looked at those faces, I could see that the raid on Silvia had only really just been due to the flow of events.

At least, at the stage when they were arrested, they hadn’t planned to attack the carriage of an earl.

In other words, that incident in itself only occurred that day by accident.

And of course, Silvia hadn’t been specially targeted.

The people who had set me up had just made good use of this incident.

           

If you thought like this, since the gang of thieves had been arrested, the odds that Silvia wouldn’t die were high.      

           

However, I could hardly say the situation was safe.

Because I didn’t know what kind of trigger would bring about that calamity.

Clearly explaining to her to not go outside, deploying an escort behind the scenes, I devoted myself to the sake of protecting that child.

           

I have to change the course of these events. I simply thought that.

           

The future where Silvia is killed.

The future where I am arrested as the murderer.

The future where Soleil turns his back on me.

This huge flow that is headed toward those ends, I have to change it.

           

On that very day, just to be sure, I made Soleil head toward my parents' house.

It would have been fine to go there myself, but if anything happened, two women who could barely move would simply become hindrances.

When it came to Silvia, if you had to name only one person you could entrust her to, there would be no one else but Soleil.

I don’t want to let him go, I don’t want to let Silvia and Soleil meet. But even if that was what I thought, for that one day only, I couldn’t let anyone else go to that child’s side.

When I told him that recently, Silvia had been in a poor condition and I wanted him to meet her in my stand, Soleil agreed without raising any questions.

Just for a little bit, in front of his slightly relaxed smile, I closed my eyes, lowered my head and entrusted him with my little sister.

At the tip of my lowered line of sight, my crossed hands were trembling.

For what reason were they trembling, I don’t know.

Because I’m anxious? Because I’m insecure?

I thought at once I mustn’t let Soleil notice it.

What should I do if he perceives it? What excuse can I make?

Thinking about all that, I raised my head, but...

           

… … He wasn’t even seeing me.    

           

My face was indeed reflected in his eyes, but it was as if he was looking at me from afar.

Was he thinking about Silvia, who he would meet after that?   

           

However, even then, it was fine.

Because, I hadn’t been wrong. I hadn’t made a mistake.

Even if the trembling of my hands wouldn’t calm down. Even if Soleil doesn’t even notice it.

           

As long as that child doesn’t die, it’s alright.

It was today. For today. Today only. I ought to tolerate it.

           

Then, that day passed peacefully and uneventfully, like any other ordinary day.

Silvia was safe and nothing happened.

It seemed she didn’t leave the mansion nor did she go outside.

At last, I had made it through.

           

Thank goodness. It was great. Truly great.

The things I did weren’t in vain. 

           

On the evening of that day, alone, I broke down crying.

           

I felt I had finally been released from the fate that ended in tragedy.

In a mood where I wanted to shout out in a cry that all was fine, I shed tears without suppressing my sobbing.

I pretended I didn’t notice that Soleil, who said he would be back by dusk, hadn’t returned even after it had become the middle of the night.

           

… … And then, the time that I had lost in my first life, was returned to me.

           

I earnestly believed I would become a new me, that from now on, my real life would start.

My expectations and hopes were that my life from now on would be conferred with a brilliant glow.

I was convinced of that. Even now, Soleil was at my side, performing his duty as a husband.

In the future, I would always be beside him.

           

Right, it wouldn’t be bad to have children soon.

My true role was to give birth to the next heir and to raise him.

Soleil would surely become a good father, and even I could become a good mother.

Right, it would be good. To have a family. To become a family.  

           

This time, I would truly be united in marriage with Soleil.

           

I had such a dream. A blessed and happy dream.

 

A dream that was destined to never come true. 

 

Chapter 5                                                                 Chapter 7

Chapter 4

The Beginning – 2

 

“You, you killed Silvia, right ?!”

 

He said it in a low voice that seemed to crawl on the ground. It was a voice I had never heard until now.

These words were certainly addressed to me, but it was as though they were directed at someone else.

While I was still in a daze and couldn’t comprehend his meaning, the steward blandly informed me of Silvia’s death.

           

Hearing this, just for a short instant, delight arose inside me.

Now that hindrance is gone, now Soleil will look at me, now I won’t have to watch over the two people who share the same heart.

That sweet illusion flickered through my mind.   

           

But I only shivered in joy for a brief moment and was brought back to reality by his voice. 

“It really was you.” 

Hearing his rough tone made my blood drain from my face.

           

What on earth had I been thinking?

           

That child was my little sister. She might have been my love rival, but even so, she was certainly my little sister.

In our childhood, I had tightly grasped her tiny hand and decided to protect to the end this all too weak child.

For that child’s sake, I had sworn to fulfil the role of a ‘big sister.’ Although I hadn’t been able to do it very well, although the outcome was that I had thrown away the vow of that day, but then, even so…  that child was my little sister, and I was this child’s older sister.

           

That child... she... Silvia had... died.

           

The breath leaking out of my throat made a whistling sound.

The blood that had been drained from my face didn’t return to my emptied head, which was pounding and fully seeking help.

            

“It really was you who killed her, right?!”

           

While looking at my expression, Soleil repeated the same words in an incoherent muttering, as if he was ascertaining his conviction.

‘You’re wrong.’ I didn’t know whether or not my muttering voice reached Soleil.

‘You’re wrong, you’re wrong.’

I must have said this any number of times, yet, Soleil threw the knife he was holding and yelled.   

            

“I won’t forgive you, I’ll never forgive you!”

            

His pupils that usually never reflected any emotion were showing a deep hatred.

My lips moved to tell him to wait but I couldn’t make a single sound.

My throat felt like it was burning hot and all my words had been sealed.

Soleil glanced at me, and in one breath he pulled the tablecloth of the dinner that had been swept aside and reduced to a pitiful sight.

Everything that had been on that tablecloth was thrown with force on the hard floor.

           

A violent sound pierced my ears.

           

The decorating vase that had contained flowers of various hues was smashed up.

Since it had been the first time in a while that we would have dinner together, these flowers had been personally prepared by me.

As Soleil had been excessively busy, I had thought I mustn’t let his spirits dampen, so I had gathered many flowers of warm colors.

But in order for it to not become too gaudy or too simple, I had assembled them with great care.

           

The dinner that was scattered on the marble floor had been something I prepared many days before, after having consulted the head cook on several occasions.

I had thought that Soleil would probably be tired, so I had ordered nourishing but easy to digest dishes to be made.

           

In every detail, there had been meanings. Every single detail had been chosen by me after many careful considerations.

That had been a brand new and delicately woven tablecloth chosen especially for this occasion, but anyhow it had been dyed by dark stains of wine and of the dishes’ sauces.

When I recall that night, I remember this sight that had been etched in my memory.

           

It was thrown away, crushed on the marble floor, and rolled into a ball.

I didn’t know what should be done, and reflexively I pulled it toward me.

I had thought it would have been nice if he had noticed it was a new tablecloth.

Because Soleil was indifferent to this kind of things, I had been in a good mood imagining what kind of answer he would have made if he had noticed.

           

In my field of vision, a spotless pair of leather shoes appeared.

While usually there was no sound of footsteps when he was walking, his heels loudly resonated as he crossed the room.

           

Completely disregarding me who was still sitting down on the ground, Soleil was about to leave the room.

Wait, please, wait. Somebody, someone, please tell him. I didn’t do anything. It wasn’t me, someone please convey this to him.

I was screaming with my whole body. But, not a single word was formed. Because of my intense sobs, I couldn’t utter an intelligible syllable.  

           

Because, I never thought that.

I never thought that Soleil could see me in such a way.

That he could think I would be a person who would murder her little sister.

           

I wasn’t trembling because I was feeling a freezing cold.

I was tightly holding onto the tablecloth that was not of any use, as if to depend on it, but right now, there was not a single person who would defend me.

While I was lamenting and twitching from convulsions, somebody seized me.

I was grabbed from both sides, lifted up and suspended by force.

           

As if I was a criminal.  

           

Soleil, Soleil, for you, was I such a detestable existence? The days that had piled up so far, the time we had spent together, did they have no meaning at all?

Even if it were just to get an explanation, he had no interest in listening to me.

 The feelings I couldn’t put into words were overflowing out of my mouth in the form of weeping.

To go after him, to chase after that back which was going away, I violently pulled on the arms that were restraining me.

            

Bam! 

That door, which was brutally slammed shut, was demonstrating Soleil’s evident rejection.

He didn’t even look back. He left without showing the slightest hesitation after hearing his wife’s screaming and crying voice.    

           

… … And then, after that separation, Soleil never appeared in front of me again.

           

That had been my first life.

           

After that, I was locked up in my own room and was told by the steward that once evidence was gathered, I would be divorced then handed over to the kingdom.

While I pleaded my innocence, I was convinced that such a thing would never happen.

And even if I was under house arrest, I believed Soleil would change his mind.

After all, I was unrelated to Silvia’s death.

           

However, strangely, in the blink of an eye, I was imprisoned as a criminal. 

           

After I was thrown into an iron cage and deprived of my liberty, a great amount of evidence that I had no memory of started to accumulate.

When I heard that a gang of thieves, whom I had never seen nor met, confessed the attack carried out on the earl’s driver had been instigated by me, unintentionally, a burst of laugher escaped my lips.

Such an absurd story, would the authorities, not to mention Soleil, believe it?

           

When I realized I had been ensnared by someone, I was already in a desperate situation where nothing could be done and I was accused of the sin of murdering a member of my own family.

           

I knew that among the nobles, sometimes, there were cases of someone getting set up. I just never thought it would happen to me. 

           

However, without even needing to carefully think about it, my position of the next marquis’s wife was something that other people could desperately want.

I had, after all, desired that title myself. But then in my case, as long as I could have the position of ‘being Soleil’s wife’, I didn’t care about anything else.

If you think like this, it wouldn’t have been strange for people to wish to take my place.

           

Then, to replace me, what should be done? It’s simple. Removing the hindrance will do.

           

I had planned to be careful. But, I had not thought about this deeply enough. I had never considered that with such means, everything could be stolen from me.

           

While she herself hadn’t been aware of it, at some point, the person called ‘Ilya’ had steadily started to be looked down upon.

As I had been imprisoned, I couldn’t prove my innocence by myself. All I could do was to pray. That someone would attest that I had been falsely accused.

           

I did this, till the very last moment, I continued to pray. And I believed. That someone would, that Soleil would, rescue me from this jail.

           

With my knees on the ground lined with cracked stones, and both of my elbows resting on a bed so crude I had never seen one of this kind in all my life, I prayed.

             

Soleil was ‘a righteous person.’ No, he was a person who wanted to be a righteous human. A person that only knew of ‘white’ and ‘black.’

Right now, he was simply shaken by Silvia’s death and his judgement had been clouded.

If you calm down, you will surely understand. That the gathered evidence had only been forged.

That’s why, surely, he would prove my innocence.

Even if it was hopeless for now, one day, he would apologize for his fault and come pick me up.

That was what I believed.

           

He was the person I had fallen in love with.

           

“Why... to such a point?”

           

“Why... do you believe in him to such a point?” I vaguely remember that was what somebody asked me.

           

I don’t understand myself.

Something like an answer, I think I don’t have one.

I simply loved him.

As if I was going mad, no, I loved him to the point of having gone mad.

           

… … But, in the end, he, in whom I had believed to that extent, didn’t save me.

           

I don’t remember my last moments.

           

Because I don’t remember having been executed, I think I surely died in that prison.

When I smell the stench of mold, I remember that place.

It had been an excessively terrible room for a daughter, born in a noble house and raised since her childhood to fit the position of the next marquis’s wife, to die in.

Even more since that happened under false charges.

That’s probably why I had not been able to survive in that place.

           

Originally, the jail where a noble who had committed a crime would be imprisoned was another room that would be called ‘prison’ in name only and would have been unrelated to anything filthy.

 I would have been put in there if the regular procedures had been followed.

But my own biological parents didn’t allow it, as well as Soleil. He was the next marquis and his house court rank was the first among its peerage, second only to the dukes. In other words, it was a position just below the royal family.

The requests he made were usually granted. Because he understood this, he had been restraining himself.

This Soleil had wished for me to be locked in that jail.

I guess I was hated to that extent.  

           

That’s why I wasn’t judged as a noble, but as a commoner.

The moment my parents, who I thought were my sole allies in this society, turned their backs on me, my life certainly ended in its truest sense. 

           

Silvia had been loved by everyone. Let alone my parents, who loved Silvia more than me.

           

This world was revolving with Silvia at its core. T

hat being the case, after Silvia had died, all that was left to be passed through was the epilogue. The appendix of a tale, just a postscript.

 

Nothing much but an unimportant story.

 

That’s most likely why, whether in that tale my death is featured or not, is probably nothing but a small incident.  

Chapter 3                                                           Chapter 5