Chapter 20

If this is the real end – 3

 

Silver hair and purple eyes, these were my little sister’s attributes.

Since her birth, Silvia has been special to our parents. Even though I didn’t ask her to, a young maid who loved to gossip had told me various information I had not wished to hear.

Like the fact that those colors my parents didn’t possess had probably come from her biological mother. 

 

“… You are having your lunch in such a place?”

 

In the back yard of the academy, I was sitting on a lonely bench that had been left alone as if it had been forgotten, the light meal prepared by the chef of the estate spread in front of me, when suddenly a quiet voice echoed.

When I looked up, the student’s uniform told me he was from the knight curriculum. Since the color of his necktie indicated he was an upperclassman, I tried to stand up to greet him but he brushed his hand to force me to stay seated. From that gesture, I sensed he was someone of high standing.

I was asked if it was alright to sit beside me, but I promptly shook my head to refuse. It wasn’t good for a person with a fiancé to be alone with someone of the opposite gender.

It would be a different story if maids and servants had been with us, but after I quickly looked around, I saw that no one was there.

While inside the academy, it could be said we were all fellow students, because everyone was from the nobility it was simply better to be careful. The fact that everyone was of noble origin meant there was a high possibility that everyone had a partner decided since childhood.

Just shaking my head might not convey my refusal clearly enough, so I softly phrased my rejection.

But when I did that, the man from the knight division made a puzzled expression and tilted his head. It was an expression that said he never expected to be turned down. Gazing at his face, I realized that he seemed vaguely familiar.

When you were part of high society, you will become acquainted with most people. I had never talked to him but when I was looking from afar, I might have seen him have a friendly chat with Soleil.

The way he carried himself seemed to indicate that nobody ever refused him, meaning he was of a high social standing. Perhaps he was the person from the rumors that started several weeks ago, the foreign student who came from the neighboring country.

           

If I remembered correctly, it should have been someone from an eminent noble family.

           

If so, rejecting his request was not a profitable option. However, I wasn’t confident he really was the man from the rumor, so I thought I should not act carelessly since there was no positive proof.

Even at the best of times, rumors that Soleil and I had some discord between us were already circulating. If it became known that I had been alone with someone of the opposite sex, the blame would likely fall on me.

No matter how Soleil conducted himself, it was hardly probable he would be criticized. Because that was what it meant to be the son of a marquis. 

           

Keeping my face down to avoid meeting his eyes, I put the fruit I was holding back in the basket.

I knew fully well it wasn’t a proper attitude. However, if I abided by the customs of this country, it was not the time to inquire about his mood.

Because I didn’t know if someone would see us, I had to leave that place as soon as possible. In the case he was really the foreign student from the neighboring country, I thought that my impolite behavior might become a problem, but there was no other choice but to feign ignorance. 

 

“… You, under that expressionless face of yours, you are thinking about various things, right?”

 

Apparently, he seemed to have been observing me all that time. Mixed in his voice was a clear puff of laugher.

I understood I was being laughed at, but because I had not expected such a foolish way of speaking, I raised my head in spite of myself.

Then, I met eyes with him who was standing, looking at me.

When I swallowed a small breath and slightly bent my upper body,

 

“Don’t be frightened so much,” he said with a bitter smile.

 

That gentle and intimate atmosphere strengthened my wariness, on the contrary.

In all my lives, which repeat constantly, the people who tried to trick me always had a friendly expression. The great number of experiences I had accumulated until now taught me how to avoid danger, but it wasn’t always useful.

No matter how careful I was and how many precautions I took, at the moment I failed, I’d fall. And once that happened, I couldn’t stop it with my own strength.  

 

“While I might be lacking in some respects… I am also a nobleman’s daughter, so being alone with a man other than my fiancé is…”

 

Although I didn’t finish my sentence to explain it wasn’t a good thing, my expression said it all. I specially chose words that would convey that staying there was troublesome for me since I had a fiancé. If the other was not greatly thickheaded, then he should comprehend my meaning.

However, that man answered flatly with a dull, “Is that so?” before falling silent.

           

For some reason he didn’t show any intention of leaving, so I made up my mind to surrender that place myself. As I got up while tidying up my meal,

 

“… It seems like I somehow got in your way, right?” he said as he sat down on the bench without asking for permission this time.

 

I shook my head and told him, “No, I was thinking it was about time to return to the classroom.”

The indigo blue eyes of the man looked up at me who was standing. That color that couldn’t be described as bright awakened a feeling of nostalgia.

If you saw it from a sunnier place, that color would surely be closer to black.

 

“But you haven’t eaten at all.”

 

That unexpected retort caught me off guard just when I had bent a knee to bid him farewell.

 

“I think there is no need to be in such a hurry. There’s still plenty of time left. So, won’t you lend me a bit more of your time?... Lady Ilya Il Machisse.”

 

While I was considerably shaken to hear him say my name without any hesitation, the thought, “as expected he knew,” also crossed my mind.

If he was from an important family from the neighboring country, then he probably had learnt the customs of the place he intended to study in.

Then, he knew it wasn’t desirable to be alone with someone of the opposite gender who had a fiancé, and he purposely decided to disregard it.

I was from a third-ranked earl family of ancient and honorable descent, but among the many noble houses, it was only an average lineage that was neither bad nor good. The fact that he knew my name, despite this, brought me a sense of discomfort.

Moreover, I was also convinced that he was aware that I was Soleil’s fiancée. Since Soleil’s home was a well-known marquis house, everyone knew about it. Likewise, it wouldn’t be strange for his family to have friendly ties with high-ranked aristocrats from other countries.

 

“…Oh? You don’t seem surprised.”

 

His carefree voice echoed in that extremely quiet garden. To begin with, this place was located in the most secluded inner part of the backyard, somewhere people seldom came to.

That was why I was having my lunch here. Because I didn’t have to mind the gazes of others, I didn’t have to deceive people with words, and I think I needed to have some time alone.

 

“No, I am quite surprised.”

 

In fact, because of the excessive astonishment, words wouldn’t come out and I needed to take a short breath to calm down.

As if they were trying to not miss the slightest of my movements, those indigo eyes were staring fixedly at me. If he had something to tell me, I wished he would do it quickly.

 

“Your face won’t show your true nature. You’re the same as me.”

 

He laughed softly, and his attractive expression was full of youthfulness, but with these few minutes of conversation, I understood he wasn’t a person whose words and expressions should be taken at face value.

It wasn’t my first time confronting someone whose real intention couldn’t be read, but I had no intention of bargaining with a complete stranger like him.

In other words, I had no interest in learning what kind of person he was.

           

However, once you missed the right opportunity, it was hard to grab the chance to leave.

           

By deliberately observing me with his fixed gaze, by making me aware of this action of his, he wanted to see how I would react.

Because human beings were creatures whose true nature came out in a momentary action.   

 

“… By the way, the fact you’re here all by yourself, is it because Soleil is in the cafeteria with your little sister?”

 

The eyes of this man, who said this like it was something of very little concern, looked at me as if they wanted to probe me.

Did he plan to launch a sudden attack?

But when I was about to frown because of this odd feeling of tension he purposely created, I reflexively smiled instead.

Seeing that, my opponent showed an evident admiration and blinked several times. He probably thought I was just an ordinary young girl and looked down on me.

Certainly, if it had been before that tea party, I might have become flustered and raised my voice. On the contrary, I would probably have even denied the fact that Soleil and Silvia were together. Even if I knew the truth, I wouldn’t have accepted it.

If it had been the me from several months ago, there is no doubt I would have reacted like that.

 

“Lord Soleil is taking great care of my little sister. I have also been quite spoiled and allowed to depend on him.”

“… Spoiled and dependent?”

“I also have times when I wish to be alone and slip out of everyone’s view. However, my little sister enrolled in this academy just recently. She might become uneasy, so it is best to have someone stay by her side. Originally, it should have been my role to take care of her, but that child adores Lord Soleil like an older brother, so I entrusted her to him.”

 

The words flew out without needing to think deeply about them.

There were many people who were suspicious of Soleil and Silvia’s relationship and were probing me, his fiancé, about it.

They either were simply harboring a sense of justice and were trying to expose Soleil’s faithlessness, or trying to ridicule me. Or there were also those who wanted to meddle in Soleil and Silvia’s relationship to help them achieve their love.

There were various reasons. Every time, I answered with that appropriate excuse. And now it was evidently that time. Time to do the ‘work’ I had completely become accustomed to.  

 

“…A ‘brother,’ you said. That’s…”

 

My remark made him heave a long sigh.

That elegant and eminent noble from a foreign country made a subtle expression both like a sarcastic smile and a discouraged face.

I didn’t know what kind of reaction he was trying to draw out from me, but what he expected was surely different from my reply.

However, after a short moment of silence he took a short breath and continued,

 

“But, that’s not how others see it, right?”

 

It was the reaction I had imagined.

 

“… Well, it is hard to tell. I cannot fathom what other people think.”

 

When I showed him an expression of complete curiosity, he heaved a truly heavy sigh. That exaggerated breath would effectively make an opponent shrink. I didn’t understand what he was after, but…

 

“Somehow, you… are different from what I imagined.”

 

That pair of eyes, which were looking up at me with a thoroughly perplexed appearance, had in fact become the gossip of the academy lately.

Originally, nobles would often get married to fellow aristocrats of beautiful appearances, so they had quite gorgeous looks, but even among them, it could be said that he stood out quite a lot.

That this plain appearance of mine was unnoticeable might be because this kind of person existed. The expression “standing out in a bad way” was surely a perfect description for me.

 

“I do not know how you imagined me to be but… will you be done soon?”

 

If you have no business with me, I want to leave immediately. I said this frankly.

Then, the man shrugged both shoulders and declared without any shame, “But I haven’t even started talking with you yet.”

           

I felt like our exchange was somewhat meaningless.

 

“… What kind of business do you have with me?”

 

The way things were going, it didn’t seem like he would disclose his intentions, so there was no other choice but to take the stand to hear his story.

 

“Well, first. Let me introduce myself. Because you don’t seem to know me.”

 

He laughed and his smile deepened, making me notice the situation wasn’t heading in a good direction for me.

It wasn’t appropriate to interrupt his words here. But, if possible, I wanted to keep not knowing his name. Once we knew each other’s names, from that moment we would become something similar to “acquaintances.”

If that happened, from now on, I won’t be able to pretend I didn’t know him when I met him.

He probably completely understood this. That was why he was showing this smile that looked so refreshed it was unpleasant. 

 

“Let’s start once again, young lady. My name is Saion Topias. I came from a nearby country to study.”

“A nearby country…?”

 

Since it wasn’t an official presentation, he didn’t say his full name. If it had been a formal event like a ball, abbreviating one’s name was strictly forbidden. It would be seen as making light of the other party.

According to his expression, it didn’t seem like he was looking down on me, but there might be some deeper meaning to the fact he didn’t give me his formal name.

Besides, why did he not say the name of his country? If he was the foreign student from the rumor, then there would be no need to investigate and it would be easy to find out.

           

And more than anything, there was his name, “Saion.” If I hadn’t heard it wrong, at that lunch several days ago, Soleil and Silvia had brought up that name, moreover they said it with quite some familiarity.

That being the case, it meant he was certainly acquainted with the two of them. And he had especially come in contact with me, Soleil’s fiancée.

Although I also took into consideration that he happened to stumble upon this place by coincidence, that possibility was quite low. It would still have been more natural to approach me through Soleil.    

 

“Ah, it’s good. That expression. That’s the expression I wanted to see.”

 

I was probably showing a suspicious expression. Saion smiled delightfully and leaned his upper body on the back of the bench. …

That unfathomable self-introduction he gave, I guessed it was merely to stir me up.

After all this, I didn’t feel like continuing to keep up appearances and decided to simply watch the situation upfold.

 

“In my country, political marriages are becoming a bad custom of the past era.”

 

Suddenly, his eyes that were looking at me narrowed.

A third party might have wondered why he abruptly started to talk about that, but in light of the circumstances surrounding me, I could naturally see where this topic was headed.

 

“Of course, it doesn’t extend to the aristocracy. The profits brought by political unions are large. There are also some times when choosing this is preferable in order to carry out one’s duty as a noble. So, well, in the end, it mainly concerns the general populace.”

“…”

“But still, it means that there is a bigger understanding and acceptation of marriage out of love than in this country.”

 

Until a certain time, more precisely until that tea party, there was no doubt it was quite visible.

I would personally speak with Soleil in the academy, and while I didn’t remember being particularly close to Soleil, before I knew it, my eyes would always chase after his silhouette.

I kept in check the women who approached him, so it was very easy to understand what emotions I harbored towards Soleil.

But after the tea party, Silvia started attending the academy, and as the distance between her and Soleil shortened, I began to intentionally avoid them.

Soleil was my fiancé, Silvia was my little sister. So, if the two of them were having lunch together, I could also join them. It wouldn’t be unnatural, rather for Silvia’s sake, it might have been better.

           

However, I didn’t do that. Seeing them together was painful. Being at their side was distressing. When I was with them, memories I didn’t want to remember would surface.

That was why I tried to keep some distance between us. But because of these emotions I couldn’t abandon, completely distancing myself was impossible.

 

“Say, what are your thoughts about separating two people who have feelings for each other?”

  

Saion, who slowly got up from the bench, stood beside me and whispered this like he was telling me a secret. Those words sank to the depths of my ear, as if they had the weight of stones.

When one’s standpoint changed, the viewpoint would also change. That was a matter of course. From my standpoint, the one who was separating I and Soleil was Silvia.

From Silvia’s standpoint, the one who was tearing her and Soleil apart was me.

As for the people around us, they would side with their friends and allies and look at our relationships from that standpoint. In other words, Saion wasn’t my ally.  

 

“You should release him.”

 

Right? Saying this like it was a trivial thing, Saion turned his heels. I had no words to return at that departing figure.

I wondered if my existence was such an eyesore?

Even though instead, the one who wanted to be set free was me.

I couldn’t tell what I should say or do.

           

In one of my previous lives, that Soleil and Silvia were able to get married was because the circumstances had allowed it. Because the wedding ceremony couldn’t be cancelled, and I had fled two days before it. As it had been necessary to find a replacement for me, inevitably Silvia had to take on the responsibility.

Unless it was that much of an impending situation, my parents would not have let go of Silvia.

Since that was so, with the current situation, even if Soleil and I were to cancel our marriage, I didn’t think that Silvia would be chosen as his partner.

To begin with, because the Silvia at this point in time didn’t possess enough refinement and education to become the next marquis’s wife, no matter how much Soleil yearned for her, his house wouldn’t approve it.

           

All those various circumstances, Saion wasn’t aware of them. And precisely because he didn’t know, he was chasing after his ideals and wishes, seeking to fulfill his hopes.

           

As their friend, it wasn’t strange for him to dream about a future where the two lovers could be together.   

 

“… Hey! You... how long do you plan to stay in such a place?”

 

From a little far away, Saion, who had turned towards me, said that in a loud voice.

It might be to inform me that lunch break was over, or he might be trying to make me aware of my current condition. But, yes, really…

           

… I... how long... will I stay in that place?

 

Chapter 19                                                         Chapter 21

Nocta’s thoughts:

I’m not really good at coming up with names from katakana. I don’t dislike Saion (it’s not as bad as having to write Soleil= Sun in French for a name) but if anyone has a better suggestion, feel free to share it.

 

Saion Topias

サイオン＝トピアーシュ