7 – The
Eternity of Kaliarya Ignis – 8
My life after having lost Emma, was
made of empty days. But that being said, even my sense of time became dim, and
I had no clue how long I had been alone.
Before I knew it, the people who
could “see” me completely disappeared. Until now, although they were scarce,
there had been cases of people coincidentally meeting eyes with me.
But unnoticed, such a thing didn’t
occur any more. In other words, I think it meant that people who owned magic
powers died out. There may not be anyone who can use magic anymore.
While the occupation of being a
magician still barely existed, it was treated the same way as being an
illusionist. Only children who tend to daydream would say they could use magic.
If an adult were to claim that, people would laugh at him with scorn.
The world changed like this. The era
changed. Between the lump of magic power that I was and “the world,” a huge
estrangement came to be. Maybe even I, myself, was no longer existing anywhere
anymore. Eventually, I started to think that way.
The scenery I was seeing, the sound
I was hearing—maybe everything was only an illusion, maybe all this time, I had
been dreaming of them. Surely, that must be it. If it wasn’t the case, “what”
the hell did I become?
...... When I was thinking such
things...
... I came across “that.”
In the big city of a certain
country, when I was being jolted by the heavy traffic, unsteadily riding on the
wind, I felt like something was calling me, and I entered the back of an alley.
Even though I knew it was impossible
for someone to have been calling me, nevertheless, I thought it wouldn’t hurt
to check it out. Because I had so much free time after all.
The gloomy alley was filled with
trash and was a place completely unrelated to the notion of cleanliness. When I
strained my eyes to stare into the darkness, I noticed a pair of fiery eyes
shining there. As I stared at the pair of yellow pupils, a little “meow”
resounded. Its long tail was slowly swaying from side to side, as if to say,
“you finally got here,” so I reflexively chased after it.
Although humans couldn’t perceive
me, animals seemed to have more than five senses, as expected. From long ago,
dogs and cats sometimes showed reactions indicating that they could see me. It
was unlikely they had any magical power in them, but maybe they were simply
sensitive to my presence.
To begin with, it was dubious
whether I could be perceived as a “human being” or not. Perhaps, in their eyes,
I only looked like a strange light. I thought this latter hypothesis was more
likely.
While following the unhealthy skinny
cat, I felt I was being led somewhere. The fact it kept looking back, as if to
confirm I was properly following it, must have had some sort of meaning.
The place we eventually reached was
an old door.
When I took some steps back from the
way I came to look at the whole building, I noticed a small horizontal
billboard by the door. The painted characters were so weathered they were
completely unreadable. It looked like it would crumble in pieces if you touched
it, and it was so worn-out that it made me think there was no meaning to having
hung it there.
As I was standing stock still in
front of that signboard, the hinge of the door made a creaking sound. When I
looked in its direction, the face of an old woman was half peering out of the
open door.
“... Is it a customer?”
Her hoarse voice echoed in the damp
and dark alley.
I couldn’t nod at her question,
because even though I understood it was some kind of shop, I had absolutely no
idea what the hell they would possibly be selling there. The old building,
which looked so deteriorated it could collapse at any moment, presented not a
single distinctive feature.
Then I remembered about the cat that
had brought me here and my gaze loitered around, but it had gone and not a
shadow was left of it.
“Ah, it’s this little fellow again.
Looks like another troubled one. Every single one he brings back is like this.”
My goodness, said
the old woman as she shook her head and sighed.
Then, she asked, “Since you took the
trouble to come here, won’t you take a look inside? It’s just a humble doll
shop but... do you have any interest in them?”
That’s when I first realized that the
woman was “seeing” me. If I had been breathing, I would have surely made a
gasping sound. The shock I received was so big.
However, the old lady, who was
urging me to reply with her gaze, simply tilted her head and asked, “Why such a
stupid look? What’s wrong?”
Unable to utter a single sound, I
was evidently hard-pressed to answer. Despite making a skeptic face, she still
continued, “Well, it’s fine, I guess. Then, come here, come here,” and she
opened the door so that I could enter the shop.
I didn’t know if that woman was
aware she possessed magical power. First of all, what did I look like in her
eyes? Although I held doubts, it was a fact that discovering that some people
still had conserved magic powers made me feel relieved.
“It might be a boring place for
those who aren’t interested in dolls.”
Meanwhile, the old woman, who seemed
to be the owner of the shop, spoke like nothing was out of the ordinary,
showing no confusion at all. From her attitude, I thought that maybe I looked
like a normal person in her eyes, and not some indistinct ghost.
It was on my mind, but I had no way
to confirm it. Even though I didn’t feel any sensation, when my lips moved to
try and say something, they bit the air.
I had no reason to mind the old
lady, I could have taken my leave there and now.
Yet, for some reason, I didn’t feel
like that and after being asked, I entered the shop. I might have done that
because it had been a while since I last met someone who had magic power. I
might have desired to interact with other people more than I had thought.
Besides, my interest in what she was selling suddenly welled up.
In the dimly lit interior, it was
hard to say there was a sense of cleanliness, just like outside. Here and
there, the wooden floor had holes in it. A small child might have no problem
walking here, but if an adult man wasn’t careful when treading here, the floor
would definitively give in. But this shopkeeper should be alright.
I didn’t have any weight, so this
problem was unrelated to me, but now that I think about it, it has been a long
time since I last had this kind of thought.
Little by little, it felt like the
haze in my head was clearing up and I was getting clear-headed.
“I don’t have anything very new.”
The old lady, who had walked ahead
in the narrow store, looked back.
It appeared that this store specialized
in dealing with porcelain dolls, as models of various sizes were casually
placed on shelves and chairs. Still, it seemed the more expensive dolls were
handled carefully and stored in individual cases. These cases were made of
glass and were giving off a dull glitter thanks to the light that was gathering
from who knew where.
Inside, there were even life-sized
dolls, and if you didn’t observe them carefully, you would think that real
people were being displayed there. That’s how elaborate they were.
In each one, the color of the hair
or eyes was different. Each of them also had a slightly different
expression.... that’s how it felt.
After gazing at them for a while I
started wondering if they wouldn’t start talking, I was almost fascinated by
those inorganic items devoid of life when...
...... That entered my sight.
The pale light of the unique lamp at
the center of the room made a red glow shine on its white skin. It looked like
its cheeks were flushed.
For a second, even I, a ghost, found
myself startled by its lively face. When I got close, I realized it was a doll.
Its black eyelashes were gathered above its eyelids, under them black iris
could be seen. It had a straight nose and lips of an unhealthy pale color.
Even though there was no wind, its
bangs were gently swaying. On the other side of the glass case, “he” seemed to
be faintly smiling, as if he was breathing.
Staring at its face, as soon as I
felt an impression of déjà-vu, the world shook and was distorted. ...... That
doll gave me such a strong shock.
Ah, I know it. I certainly know that face.
Of course. It once was something
that used to appear naturally as it was reflected in the mirror... my own face.
“Oh, this one? It’s a very beautiful
doll, isn’t it? In truth, it should be a mechanical doll but you see, it seems
it was broken a long time ago. I wish we could get it fixed, but there is no
one who can dismantle such a delicate doll. So, I left it as it is but...”
The old lady seemed to have been
following my gaze and she explained all that in a quiet voice.
Naturally, I couldn’t answer.
However, her hoarse voice brought back my wandering thoughts to the present.
In the glass, the wrinkled face of
the old woman standing behind me was reflected. But my face wasn’t. Instead,
the black-haired doll seemed to be looking back at me from the other side of
the glass covered in dust.
It looked a few years older than the
face I remembered.
“The maker is also unknown. It must
have been a very conscientious artist. It’s easy to see how earnest they were
when they made it.”
Maybe she didn’t find my silence suspicious,
but the store owner heaved a sigh of admiration and continued,
“Usually, such dolls have a name.
But you see, this once doesn’t. There is only this embroidery there, can you
see it?”
When I looked in the direction she
pointed, I noticed the characters embroidered with golden thread on the black
clothes the doll was wearing. In fact, the embroidery was on the inside of the
clothes, but just by rolling up the hem a little, it could be hidden.
“Well, since it’s from another era,
the thread looks like it was cut there and here. I can barely read several of
the characters. Moreover, these letters are notations used long ago, so it’s
only an old woman like me who could read them.”
Then, she added that it couldn’t be
helped, so she named the doll by joining the remaining letters that could be
seen.
“Ka... rya, is, you see?
That’s how they seemed to be read? No, I guess a youngster like you wouldn’t
know anyway.”
Hi hi hi, the
old woman laughed with a strange noise.
When I heard it, once again I felt a
strong shock running through my head.
If I could make a sound, I’m sure I
would be crying.
What that doll was wearing were my
work clothes. In other words, it was the robe I wore at the time I was working
as a magician.
I remembered the embroidery that was
firmly sewn into it in the past said “Kaliarya Ignis.”
So, I was sure it was mine.
Then, that meant that... the maker
of that doll... was Emma.
It was unlikely for anyone else to
have purposely made a doll wear my robes.
In the first place, only Emma knew
where my robe had been stored. She hadn’t brought anything with her when she
left our estate. ...... She shouldn’t have.
The suitcases she brought with her
on her departure day were frighteningly few. I remembered how light it had
been, as if she was leaving for a two or three-days trip.
In fact, I’m sure she had done that,
only taking a few days’ worth of clothing.
Was my robe put inside it too? And
did she make the doll that looked like me wear it?
“Now that I see it, it looks like
you. That’s right. It’s probably some kind of fate. Will you take it with you?”
Being suddenly asked such a
question, I reflexively turned around to look at the shopkeeper.
“Ah. If it’s about the cost, no need
to worry. ...... This sort of thing is not frequent, but it happens sometimes.”
“The doll chooses the master.”
She softly smiled, like a young
girl. Her expression looked very gentle and kind. She seemed to take my silence
for an approbation.
“But you’ll need some kind of tray
to carry such a big doll. Wait a bit please,” she added before disappearing into
the back of the store.
When I saw off her curved, small
back with my gaze, I felt like the doll had truly called me. Once again, I
looked towards the puppet, which greatly resembled me.
Although it should have been modeled
after me, it looked a bit older than I had been back in those days when I was
living together with Emma.
This made me think she must have
tried to imagine me in adult form, as I never managed to grow older. Since I
couldn’t age after having mysteriously been granted eternal time.
I guessed that she, too, could only
see me as someone around twenty years of age. Rather than a young man, I had
the face of a boy who had yet to slip out of his teenage years, and my eyes, in
which there remained a sense of innocence, looked very young.
I had a strange conviction that the
me who was reflected in her eyes was making such an expression. When I extended
my hand, the “me” across the glass seemed to blink once.
The second I thought that, an overly
strong force pulled me in.
Since the doll was drawing me towards
itself, I instinctively braced myself for the impact against the glass. It was
a conditioned reflex.
However, since I didn’t actually
have a physical body, the impact didn’t occur. I smoothly slipped through the
case harboring the doll, and the face of the other me drew near my very own
eyes.
Then, in the next instant, I blinked.
Yes, I blinked.
When I held out the palm of my hand,
I slammed into something. I realized it was the wall of glass that had been in
front of me until now. The only difference was that I wasn’t on the outside of
the case, but on the inside. In a word, I seemed to have been sucked up inside
the doll.
The owner thought the doll was
broken, so she guessed it must have been a mechanical puppet, but the truth was
different. Maybe because people holding magic power had almost disappeared, but
the possibilities of getting information regarding these kinds of puppets had
also lessened.
The power moving the dolls made by
Emma had been her “magic power.” It seemed that it had already completely
disappeared.
However, for me who was like a lump
of magical power, I could become the force animating that doll.
My hand that was touching the glass
should definitively have been the hand of the doll, yet it didn’t look a tiny
bit different from a human hand. It wasn’t like the joints had become spheres
either. The fingers were truly humans’ fingers.
When I curled them, the joints made
a little sound and I gasped after feeling this familiar sensation. At that
moment, I realized that my breathing sound was echoing inside the glass case,
ringing through my throat.
When I put my hand on my chest, I
felt a beat. It wasn’t the pulsation of a blood vessel. It was the mechanism
that was making the doll’s body move.
The secret art of doll making was
only handed down from doll makers to doll makers, so it was absolutely never
revealed to outsiders. As such, I also didn’t know how this doll was made.
However, I at least knew that this
doll was... ... exceeding human knowledge.
I cannot guess if Emma had assumed
such a situation would happen, or if she had simply wanted to make a doll that
looked like me.
Nevertheless, I felt that she had
unmistakably left this doll behind for my sake.
As expected, she believed that after
losing my body, I still remained somewhere in this world. I vividly recalled
her appearance as she ran through the whole town, trying to find me after I
turned into sand. I wondered if she made that doll later on?
“Emma.”
My voice that slipped through my
lips sounded a little husked. But still, it sounded overly familiar. It’s
strange that I remember that voice.
“Emma.”
Not really knowing what I should
say, I simply continued to call out the name of the person who had been my wife
in the olden days.
I missed that she wasn’t here now. I
vividly felt such loneliness.
Had Emma been here, I would have
known exactly what words to tell her.
Then, I opened the door of the glass
case. Together with my new body, I stepped forth into the world.
With the first step, I wasn’t able
to grasp the sensation and almost fell down, but somehow, I managed to recover
myself, and with the second step, I firmly walked on the ground.
Going forward with the third and fourth
steps, I felt relieved that this body, which should only have been a temporary
recipient, reliably fulfilled its functions as a physical body.
While paying attention to make sure
that my long robe didn’t entangle with my ankles, I walked. Accepting the
kindness of the old lady who said she would give me that doll, I silently left
the shop.
When she discovers that her customer
has gone, she might be surprised and curse me for my rudeness. Still, in the
end, I felt she would simply laugh with a simple, “Well, well.”
Because, she had said it herself,
the doll chooses the master. It couldn’t be helped.
*********************
If there is raw material, it’s easy
to alter it with magic. That’s why I changed the doll’s body into an animal or
took on the appearance of a child to play around with.
Most of my magical power was used to
move the body, so the remaining could only be used for this. The kind of attack
magic that required a huge quantity of magical power had become unusable. But
that was a trivial matter.
For a long time, I had been tied to
this world as an existence other people couldn’t perceive. In a sense, now that
I became able to exist like a normal human being, I was extremely satisfied.
The fact that I had a body that
could be moved freely brought me a sense of satisfaction in itself. Because I
was granted something I had lost for so long, I was deeply moved.
The feeling of the wind blowing
against the cheeks was only known to those who had experienced it. Even though the
wind couldn’t be seen with the eyes, it certainly could be felt. Everyone
probably knew the “sensation of the wind” from the moment they were born.
I realized I had forgotten it. And
once again, my heart shook.
I was like a baby that was just born
in this world.
The things I could see with my eyes,
hear with my ears, touch with my hands, everything and anything was new. In
other words, my world was brand new. ... ... or so I thought.
With the body Emma had gifted me, I
could do anything. My chest harbored the thing called “hope.” The sensation of
exaltation that boilt up along with it made me find everything laughable. I
couldn’t help but smile. I laughed at the fact that even though I had lost
everything, after being given only one thing, my life changed so much.
My encounter with her happened
around that time.
I had undoubtedly turned arrogant
and was exalted by my own circumstances. Perhaps you could say I became
conceited at the idea that I was a different existence from other human beings.
I felt an unbelievable joy when,
from the other side of an iron grid window, she looked at me, who had copied
the appearance of a bird. I convinced myself that she wanted my help.
That’s why I stood above her and
looked down at her, and tried to extend my hand towards her.
I did that while giving out the
feeling, “You may ask for my help.”
Even now, I still don’t know what
she wanted and what she was trying to accomplish.
Was she glad I lent her my hand?
Still, the me at that time truly intended to help her. That’s why I told her,
“...Shall I lend you my cooperation?”
Sometimes,
I got bored with my overly long life. Maybe I wanted to give some sort of
meaning to this life without a goal, to this life I was simply living through.
I guess it was a way to kill time.
But there were
no lies in my words.
“… Say, princess. Shall I help you?”
I vowed to her.
I vowed, and yet...
Nocta’s quick, important note about names:
For Kaliarya Ignis, the Japanese characters are カリアライア イグニス
On the doll, the readable characters are: カ……、ラ、ス so, the 1st, middle and last characters. And カラス in Japanese means Crow. Now you know why Kaliarya calls himself Crow.
Here in this chapter I translated カ……、ラ、ス into “Ka rya is" because it was hard to make the link with “Cr o w” apparent.
