7 – The Eternity of Kaliarya Ignis –
14
While immersed in despair, I still
amassed magic power over several years, then I drew the magic circle to fly over
to the next world.
It was the same process as usual,
nothing changed... nothing should have changed and yet.
Alongside a tempestuous sound,
countless lights shot up from the magic circle at my feet. While the particles
of light dispersed in all directions like living creatures wriggling away, my
body was soon swallowed by them.
Up to this point, it was the same as
last time and the previous one and all the ones before. The problem started
next. Something different than before occurred.
Suddenly, all the lights
disappeared. Not knowing what happened, I tried to infer what the matter was,
when I noticed that the magic invocation had been suspended midway.
Just as I assessed that fact,
darkness swooped down upon my head and my vision was dyed black.
Goosebumps ran on my back as I felt
like the ground was crumbling under me. In fact, it wasn’t just a figurative
expression, I was really “falling.”
Should I say I was taken in by the
magic circle? To put it simply, I guessed that the magic failed. And like this,
I couldn’t move on to the next world.
I had readied myself for such a
thing to happen one day, but why, why must it be now? It would have been so
much better if it had occurred earlier, or even far longer before.
The moment I thought that everything
would end now and my mind was dominated by a feeling of acceptance and
resignation ... ... I heard Emma’s voice.
“In the place I was born, black
birds were said to bring both good and bad luck at the same time.”
Rather than saying that I “remember”
her words, it felt more like her vivid voice whispered close to my ears right
at this moment.
My throat tightened. Her sigh
brushed against my ears and tickled the back of my neck.
I knew she couldn’t be here. Yet, I
turned my head and looked for her figure. Of course, beyond my line of sight,
there was only infinite darkness.
... ... This, what does it mean?
My mind couldn’t keep up with these
developments that happened one after the other.
As I was looking around helplessly,
something quickly passed before my eyes. When I looked up reflexively, as if
this gesture became a signal, my field of vision opened.
It was a mysterious scene that looked
like white paint was thrown on black paper.
The black was repainted white.
Similar to the night that brightens
when dawn breaks, the darkness cleared up. However, it wasn’t like the sun shone
upon it. There was no lighting or anything that could serve as a light source.
It was similar to an unexplainable world beyond natural providence or theories
developed by humans.
Rather than calling it bright, it
was more correct to say it was white. Above, below, on the right or the left,
it was white, white, white. I felt overwhelmed by the looming pure white world.
While looking around, it felt like
even my own silhouette became blurred. Will I also eventually become part of
this white world? That thought had lingered in my mind for a brief moment when
suddenly, “a black dot” appeared at the edge of my vision.
It looked like a simple stain, but
when I stared at it closely, I noticed that it moved. It was moving away
slowly. Maybe the thing that was flitting before my eyes a while ago was this.
When I tried to move my limbs, I
felt a resistance as if I was swimming in water. However, it wasn’t like I
couldn’t move, so I chased after that “black thing” as if drawn by it.
As I progressively closed down the
distance, the black dot grew in size and gained an oblong contour. It didn’t
take long before I became able to distinguish what it was.
At the same time, the inside of my
chest suddenly started to make a sound and it wouldn’t lessen.
Wings. It looked oblong because “it”
was spreading its wings. In other words, it was “a black bird.”
The black bird, which couldn’t
understand the unrest my heart felt, was eagerly flapping its wings, heading
somewhere. Where did it want to go in this infinite world that seemed to have
no end?
When I opened my mouth to call out
to it, abruptly, the black bird started to turn and headed toward me. Black
wings, black eyes. Even its beak was pitch black. The color of our eyes was
different, but it closely resembled the bird I changed into when I transformed.
It was almost as if I was confronting myself.
For a while, we simply stared at
each other, then suddenly, it opened its sharp beak. As I remained dumbfounded
and immobile, it asked me a question.
“... ... What do you want?”
It spoke in human language as if it
was natural, and it didn’t feel out of place.
If it was things that I wanted,
there were plenty of them. That’s why, even though I considered answering back,
when the moment came, my words refused to come out.
Instead, I recalled the fairy tale
Emma told me on her dying breath.
“One day suddenly, a black bird
appears at the window....” Then it speaks like a human and asks you one
question. It brings happiness to the people who answer correctly. To those who
don’t, it brings misfortune. That’s what she told me.
It was just a tale, but in other
words it taught me that a black bird wasn’t an existence portentous of ill omens
as I had thought. It was loftier and noblier, a more powerful existence.
Namely, God’s messenger.
Was this black bird such an
existence?
No, but... Emma was... “I” was the
only person she ever called her black bird.
“Rya, my black bird.” That being the
case, the thing in front of me now, can only be an imitation.
Then, did I become the messenger of God
without realizing it myself? Could that be the case?
Such extreme reasoning filled me
with laughter. Even as a joke, I didn’t think I could become such an existence.
And yet. And yet. If I genuinely
believed in Emma’s words...
Without doubt, I stood on the
window... ... and showed myself in front of Ilya.
I spoke with humans’ words, and
asked her a question.
“Shall I lend you my cooperation?”
Almost like in the fairy tale told
by Emma.
Thinking back on it, I’ve repeatedly
asked Ilya the same question every time I met her until now. However, I didn’t
think she ever gave me a clear and definite answer. It was the same on our very
first encounter.
Even though I said I would help her,
she changed the topic and avoided answering. A long while later, she just told
me, “I want you to protect my little sister.” It wasn’t really a reply to my
question.
Surely, such an ambiguous exchange
was purposeless.
God’s messenger and a question
urging us to choose our fate, then the person answering and the right reply. In
short, only when all the necessary conditions were present could the wish be
granted. Then, wasn’t that the case?
That being said, was my “question”
right in the first place? And what about her answer?
I wonder what I should have asked
her. And, what was she supposed to say?
As my thoughts were turning around
in circles, the only thing that moved was the time that continued to pass.
When I finally noticed... ... there
was no longer anything around me. The black bird had left, and it seemed that I
was left behind by myself.
Did I fail to answer? Or, was my
reply unneeded to begin with? It felt like I was grasping onto something, but
also like I didn’t understand anything at all at the same time.
Irritated, I decided to scream. How
long must I stay ‘here’? Just as I screamed, I heard a bursting shriek.
“Cr...ow!! ... Crow!!!! Where on
earth... are you...!!!”
It was a heartbroken voice. That
voice full of grief, which pierced my ears, I certainly recognized it.
“Ilya!!”
I was surprised at myself for
raising such a loud voice, and I inhaled a small breath.
At that moment, my field of vision
was split in two. The white walls seemed to be cut down by a knife. As if the
world was being divided into two.
“Ilya!!!”
However, I didn’t give a damn about
it. Whether the world was torn down or destroyed, I must go to where she was.
Ilya’s yell, which still left an
echo behind, continued to call my name. If I chased after that trailing note, I
knew I would reach her. I no longer needed a black bird to serve as my guide.
“Ilya, I want... to save you.”
The words that finally left my mouth
fell off somewhere.
“I want to protect you, to treasure
you. I want to always, always be with you. I want to live with you.”
“So please, stay by my side. From
now on, always stay beside me.”
Won’t you promise me? My voice, which whispered so,
trembled helplessly. It was quite unreliable. However, I felt that I couldn’t
find any more words that needed to be conveyed.
I held my breath and waited for an
answer. My heart felt like it was being torn by the deep silence that exceeded
a simple stillness. I didn’t know how much time passed, before finally, a few
words were muttered.
“... .... I... want to live with
you.”
The voice said so. Abruptly, an
intense reverberation like the toll of a bell resounded.
Just as I identified the sound,
right in the middle where darkness separated the world in two, a lonely
silhouette emerged.
There was not a single decoration on
the black dress she was wearing. Her hair, arranged in a tight bun, was of a
dull silver color. Suddenly, tears fell from her eyes as she looked toward me.
That person called once again, “Crow!”
While she was weeping, the girl
screamed at the top of her throat.
When I took a better look, I saw that
she was standing off against Soleil and Silvia. The two of them were cuddling
close together, as if doing so was the most natural thing in the world. In
front of them, Ilya was screaming my name and crying. Was it a coffin that I
was seeing in the background? I didn’t have a clue what the situation could be
like. All I knew was that she was sad.
That’s why I tried to stretch my
hand, but just as I started moving, their figures disappeared.
“Wait, please, wait, Ilya!!”
Even as I continued to scream, I
wondered if she was an Ilya from a world I had yet to visit.
If that were the case, then this
space might be God’s domain. The place where all the worlds overlap.
“Ilya!!!” Please answer me.
When I roared her name with such a plead in mind, the air started to sway, as
if reacting to my voice. The cracked world was about to merge into one again. I
had a hunch that I would be trapped in there, so reflexively, I leapt into the
crevasse between worlds.
That space was in a state absolutely
fit to be described as “chaotic.” A strong wind was blowing fiercely.
Thunderous roars reverberated, accompanied by yells. I also felt a brutal
pressure, as if my four limbs would be broken apart at any moment.
As I was unconsciously struggling,
without any forerunner, a silver light appeared amidst the darkness. It might
be the entrance to another world. When I desperately extended my arm, the tips
of my fingers touched the light and my skin felt painful. In the same instant,
my vision was distorted. Then...
“... Eh?”
I was kneeling on the ground, in a
forest. The luxuriant and tall trees were looking down on me as if observing
me. The vast land upon which a gentle wind was blowing, was hosting a mixture
of weed and tall broadleaf trees, and a damp smell of rotten leaves was
floating in the air. Stars were twinkling in the sky, but maybe dawn was
drawing near as they looked like they would start to vanish soon.
The outlines of all things were
vague, I was unable to tell if this was reality or a dream.
However, after blinking several
times, this world suddenly started to take on a realistic sense of existence.
Because at long last, I was able to recognize the thing I was looking down on.
The “girl” upon whom moonlight was
shining, was quietly and gently lying there. Her white cheeks drew a curve. But
her sunken eyes had no vitality and her lips had lost their color.
It was a face I knew far too well.
Even if I hadn’t checked her pulse, I knew she had already stopped breathing.
In other words, she was no longer alive. But, somehow, it felt out of place.
Calling out her name, I realized
that my own right hand was gripping something around the middle of her chest.
What I was touching was hard and cold. To be more precise, I was not touching it
but clenching on it.
“What...?”
I inhaled a deep breath, because the
area around my right hand was stained red. On the contrary, on the ground on
which she was lying, there was a large puddle of dark blood.
“Ilya...”
The thing I was grasping, was
clearly the handle of a knife.
“Why? Why... again...?” Why are
you dead again?
The moment I was about to ask her
that, a loud sound resounded and the thing in my palm broke. When I reflexively
opened my hand... silver pebbles and broken pieces of wood were piled on my
palm.
As I remained quite taken aback
because I couldn’t understand what just happened, a gentle breeze blew. I was
watching with my eyes opened wide this fairytale-like scene, when I heard the
sound of someone inhaling a deep breath.
... When I looked in its direction
in a fluster...
“...Ah...” Along with such a moan,
Ilya’s slender limbs moved up and down with a wide move, as if they were being pushed
up by force. Then, “... kuf kuf! Cough, cough... !” she gasped for breath many
times over and over, a wheezing sound rising from her chest.
My inability to grasp what happened
only lasted a second. Ilya was breathing.
Shortly after, her eyes opened wide.
The pale green color that appeared under her eyelids was
burning with light. Life had
returned to those eyes that had been gazing at the depths of death just a few
seconds before. The countless stars reflected in her shining pupils were
flickering.
“... Ilya...”
When I added support to her back as
she was trying to get up, I became sure that she wasn’t a phantom, that she was
truly real.
“My, princess.”
My strained voice vanished
helplessly. Ilya, who reacted with a surprised gasp, blinked several times.
Then, facing me, she asked, “Why?”
“Why are you crying?” Even her
casual gesture of slightly inclining her head was a terribly nostalgic sight
that I had longed for desperately.
When I wiped with my fingers the
dirt that seemed to be blood and that had stained her cheeks, her skin felt
soft. It had only been a few years since I had parted with her in the previous
world. Yet it felt like I hadn’t seen her in decades or even hundreds of years.
Actually, it felt like this impression wasn’t wrong.
“... Crow?”
As if this world was a signal, an
overwhelming pain assailed me. It wasn’t like I felt grief. I wasn’t hurt
either. However, this pain was very similar to these sensations.
In this overly long life, how long
had I anxiously waited for this moment?
Ilya was in my arms. She was calling
my name.
“... What happened... to me...? I am
sure that... I died, and yet...”
When I hugged her softly, her voice
echoed in my ears. I knew she was confused. Even I was. However...
“Finally...”
“Finally, I found you. My princess.”
The tears that flew down my cheeks
were warm. Finally, I personally experienced what it felt like to cry.
“I felt like I heard your voice a
while ago. As I thought, I was right. You called me your princess. But, why? I
have never ever been a princess. I have always been...”
... a supporting role inside a story, she said before I wrapped her face
in my hands. She had a small face, and large and strong-willed eyes.
“... Yes, that’s true. But you see,
I’m the same. The main character in my life... wasn’t me. I lived my own life
but... even so, I wasn’t the protagonist of this life of mine...”
“What do you mean?”
“The main character of my life had
always been... ... you.”
I remembered the lullaby Emma used
to sing a lot. Thinking back on it, this song was very similar to the legend of
the black bird she taught me. That lullaby had a mysterious melody, like music
from old folklore.
It was a curious and unique song
where the princess of a certain country was simply looking up at the sky from
the window of her castle. One day, a bird appeared before the girl. In its
beak, it held a single white flower. The girl happily received the flower, but
the long stem of this flower, whose name she didn’t know, had thorns and a
sharp tip.
Then, the girl was urged to make a
choice. What to do with this flower?
However, the song ended here. As a
story, it was not complete, but as a nursery song, it was. There seemed to be a
meaning, but there wasn’t especially one.
The first time I heard it, I was
simply impressed by the beautiful and melancholic melody.
But if it’s now, this song sounded
different to my ears.
This was surely Ilya’s and my song.
My role was to deliver the flower to her. I just existed for that duty.
“I’m not the protagonist. That’s why...
I couldn’t save you. Every time, every single time, I couldn’t...”
... save you. As I said this last part, Ilya
tilted her head.
“... No, that’s wrong. That is
absolutely not true. Because you see, when you appear before me, I am always
saved. Every time, every single time, I was.”
“Such nonsense...”
“Even now, see?”
“... Now?”
“When I was dying, you called me
back.”
“No, that’s wrong, that’s not it.
You weren’t dying. You were... already... dead. But...”
“But?”
“A miracle happened.”
When I tried to explain what
happened with words, that was the only explanation I could give.
However, it didn’t occur because she
was lucky or someone granted it to her. To get here, she had to overcome too
many tribulations. Hindered by walls overwhelmingly taller than what other
humans had to face, unable to see anything beyond that sight, not even allowed
to get up, she had to grovel on her knees.
Even so, she lived.
It’s precisely because she had lived
through many worlds, inside living hells, and repeatedly experienced endless
despair. Because of that, you could say that a miracle had happened.
The achievements made by “each and
every Ilya” existing in each and every world may have influenced “the world
itself.” Because the worlds influenced each other and interfered with each
other.
Then, inside that infinite world,
Ilya and I managed to meet.
“... Is that... so...?”
Ilya, who seemed to not understand
what I meant, suddenly touched my cheek. With her usual cold hands and a bitter
smile, she sighed, “If as you said Crow, a miracle occurred...”
“Yeah?”
“Then it is not a god who caused
it.”
“... Eh?”
It was now my turn to be bewildered.
However, she didn’t falter.
“It was you.”
Aside from you, who else would make
a miracle happen for me? She said it with a slight smile floating on her lips. Seeing her
self-effacing smile, I felt my chest constrict.
Her way of smiling had never changed
since the old days.
It was gentle, melancholic and
fleeting. I never ever wanted to lose her smile. Yet I lost it many times. But
this time, I didn’t.
“It was painful, it was agonizing,
it was sorrowful, many things happened that prevented me from recovering and
getting back on my feet, I lost any reason to live so long ago... But despite
all, I still clang to life.”
“Yes, I know.”
“I was wondering why, yet, I
knew...”
“...?”
“Surely, everything was for this
moment.”
The morning sun shone on Ilya’s pale
emerald eyes, and the golden bead that was floating inside them disappeared.
Her pair of eyes seemed to have entrapped the entirety of all worlds.
My world was existing inside her.
Those pupils were calmly and gently gazing at me.
“I will live with you.”
Ilya, who declared this with
certainty as if it had already been decided, put her arms around my back.
“You and I, we will become happy.”
Her soft but confident voice scooped
up my heart.
Always, at any time, you find me.
When your hand touches me, you save me.
“That’s why, I won’t go anywhere
anymore.”
