Chapter 64

 9 – Marianne’s Truth – 3

 

To put it simply... ...I was wrong.

 

************************

 

I enrolled in the academy at thirteen years old.

Most of the students who attended the academy came from aristocratic families or those of similar social standing. However, if you had the wealth to attend and could provide a guarantor, a title wasn't strictly necessary. Either way, prospective students needed a solid education beforehand, meaning they generally had to be wealthy enough to afford a private tutor.

 

Furthermore, those without connections or renowned backgrounds—essentially, those from the so-called lower classes—weren’t even eligible to apply. It revealed that the ideal held up by the academy, “equality in learning,” was a mere pretense.

This was because the academy was a place for immature children, people who would one day play a central role in the country, to learn about society. So that when they enter high society, those of higher ranks do not oppress those of lower ranks. And so that those of lower ranks do not abase themselves and overly respect those of higher ranks.

This was, in a sense, due to the country's policy to prevent power from being concentrated in the hands of a few aristocratic families.

 

“I saw that Lady Ilya is in the library again today,” murmured the daughter of a viscount who I'd recently become close to. She shielded her eyes from the soft sunlight with her small hand. The light that filtered through her fingers illuminated her ruby eyes.

“She really is a hard-working person,” she said, with a warm and familiar smile. She was a friend I'd made since entering the academy.

However, if our friendship were to become public, the people around me would all urge me to reconsider it. They would say that our ranks were too far apart, and that it was a problem.

As a matter of fact, within the academy, students could interact with each other regardless of ranks. However, that was not the case outside of school. If a lower-ranking person behaved rudely to a higher-ranking person in public, it would lead to disastrous consequences.

For that reason, most students conducted themselves in a way that was in line with their rank. It's safer that way. Even I didn't think I could build a friendship with a viscount's daughter.

 

Her unusual circumstances overturned those preconceived notions.

 

“After I graduate from the academy, it’s been decided that I will be married off to a remote region. I’ll become the third wife of a wealthy merchant.”

Once I'm married, I will never return to the royal capital. In addition, as the third wife, I won't need to attend social events.

“So, titles and such mean nothing to me anymore. Once I leave, I will never see Lady Marianne again.”

Basically, there is no point in trying to curry favor with anyone, and even if I'm punished for being rude, it will be all the same since I will end up leaving the royal capital anyway. Therefore, while I will never forget my manners, there is no meaning in behaving in a way that is conforming with my peerage.

Was it just me, or didn’t she sound a little resigned?

“...If that's the case, then why are you being so friendly with me?”

Tilting her head, she replied, “I just wanted to talk to you, Lady Marianne.”

A faint blush colored her cheeks as she spoke, a smile playing on her lips—a smile that seemed to use up all the courage she possessed so that she could talk to me.

Her face was exquisitely lovely, like a doll I'd seen somewhere. I found myself thinking, “If she were among my collection, she'd be my absolute favorite, the one I'd dress up most beautifully.” 

“You used up all your courage just to talk to me? What a waste! Wouldn't it have been better to save that courage for something more important in the future?”

I genuinely wondered why talking to me was such a monumental task. I was so surprised when she responded, “Lady Marianne, you may not realize this, but you are that kind of person. Just having you say a word to me makes me feel like I'm in heaven. Even now, it still does.”

Apparently, it was said that becoming close to the daughter of the most powerful Earl will lead to an improvement in your social standing.

“That means that befriending you holds such deep meanings and implications.”

“Is that so...”

I didn't know whether to be happy or sad. I didn't think I had that much value, and even if I did, it's only in my family background. It's disheartening to think people only saw my family, not me.

 

“So, do your parents know about your relationship with me, Rubi?”

When I asked, she shook her head vehemently and boasted, “It's a secret.” She explained that while her parents would likely be thrilled to know she'd been in contact with Lady Marianne, she didn't want to be a part of any conflict of interest like that.

 

“I just wanted to become friends with Lady Marianne. I knew that if we could do that, it would be a memory that would last a lifetime.”

 

A lifetime? I shrugged, thinking it was too exaggerated. Surely, we would meet many different people and make countless memories from now on. But as if to answer me, my friend narrowed her soft eyes and said in a whisper, “It's fine. I'm happy like this.”

She continued, saying that our secret meetings behind the school building felt like stolen moments, a thrilling rendezvous, and she enjoyed it.

Come to think of it, I remembered a similar scene in a novel that was popular in high society recently. They were genuinely lovers, though. But it made me wonder...could such intensity exist in friendship, too?

 

And suddenly, I realized that this was the kind of relationship I always wanted to have with Ilya. Even if it was just for a few minutes. There was nothing I wanted more than to be able to talk face-to-face.

“You shouldn't get along with the daughter of the Matisse family.”

I covered my ears to ward off the voice of my father that echoed in the back of my mind. Taking into account what my mother had said, it really was best if no one knew.

“Lady Marianne?”

“... ...Um, sorry, I need to leave. I just remembered I had something to do,” I said hastily, putting the snacks I had spread out on the bench away in a basket. Ruby was surprised, but instead of scolding me for my selfish behavior, she politely asked, “Would you like to join me again next time?” I agreed without hesitation and hurried over to where Ilya was, which was apparently the library again today.

 

“...You are a great piano player. I was very moved.”

 

Wondering if she'd remembered that time, I quickened my pace and prepared to speak to Ilya. I felt unusually nervous.

When was the last time I spoke to her? It was so long ago that I couldn't even remember clearly.

And that's because, as I had feared, Ilya and I hardly ever met until we entered the academy.

The wife of the Matisse family attended tea parties hosted by our family, and of course my mother was invited to tea parties hosted by the Matisse family and other families. But the wives almost never brought their own children with them.

I now understand that this was partly unavoidable.

 

For the nobles, tea parties are a time of rest but also hold great importance in a way. When several families gather together, it becomes a social occasion where all kinds of information are exchanged. However, as it is ultimately a gathering of women, political maneuvering is not encouraged. The women are all knowledgeable about the affairs of their households, about each household's finances and family relationships.

In the end, since it is a political event, if the families are close and have personal ties, children are invited as well, but otherwise young children do not attend.

 

So, I could say I was lucky to have had the chance to speak with Ilya even a few times.

Very occasionally, if there were gatherings to which children were invited, I would look for her there, hoping for a chance to talk without being seen. But it was a miscalculation on my part.

What I didn't count on was that adults were keeping an eye on our movements. They pretended to be just watching over the children, but their gazes were very sharp. No one was happy about Ilya and me being close. This was probably due to the factions my father had told me about, but the fact that Ilya was the fiancée of the eldest son of the Marquis also undoubtedly had an influence.

 

When she was young, there were people who would openly insult her, saying that “she didn’t know her place and was overreaching.” But as time passed, they seemed to realize that they could not persuade the Marquis family to change their mind.

If things continued this way, she, currently from the third-ranked Earl family and merely a middle-ranking noble, would rise through several ranks after her marriage. Eventually, she would become a high-ranking noble, of which there were only a limited number, and would rise above the nobles gathered at the tea party. She could easily become someone difficult to associate with.

If that's the case, it would be better not to get close to her in the first place. The children were acutely aware of the adults' circumstances, and Ilya became increasingly isolated.

 

“That child is standing on the frozen ice above a lake,” I once heard someone whisper.

 

If that's the case, then I wanted to become closer to her all the more. I didn't want to leave her alone.

But even when I approached Ilya simply to say hello, someone would cut in line and get in my way. Sometimes it was one of the wives, and sometimes it was a girl my age. I didn't know if they were trying to protect me, or her. But it was clear that they were all doing so under someone's orders.

I couldn't bring myself to push them away, so I reluctantly dealt with them, and before I knew it, Ilya had disappeared.

I wonder when that clever girl started avoiding me.

 

I wanted to approach her. But I had no way to do so.

It was extremely frustrating not being able to be close to her openly.

I secretly asked my mother if I could write about it in secret, but she flatly rejected it, saying that it was out of the question.

After all, no evidence should be left behind in these matters.

I was considering a plan to use one of our family's spies, but my mother again gave me a piece of advice.

“The academy is a place where adults can't interfere,” she said.

It would be much easier to talk to her than now, when she was completely under her parents' protection. ---That was a few years ago.

 

I think I held back and endured quite well.

 

“Well, isn't it Lady Ilya? Are you studying a language?”

 

In the library. I called out to a girl studying with a pile of reference books. There was no one else there.

The academy had three libraries, and the one Ilya often used was the oldest of them. It was fairly well known that she occupied this room, which was why not many other people came near here. The prestige of being the fiancée of the eldest son of a marquis was apparent in a place like this. Before she entered the academy, everyone didn't think much of her and kept their distance.

But once we sat next to each other at the same school, it was hard not to realize just how excellent she was.

And so, naturally, prejudice would fade.

As always, there were people who would say a nasty remark or two to her if they were of the same or a higher family rank. But I no longer heard such immoral remarks that were on the level of abusive language.

Maybe their hopes of replacing Soleil's fiancée had vanished at this point. Even though I wasn't a family member, I felt proud.

 

“...Yes, that's right.”

 

Ilya looked up at me with a puzzled look on her face, her eyes a mysterious mix of amber and green.

They caught the sunlight streaming in through the large windows and reflected a soft light like crystals. It was the first time since I entered the academy that I'd stood so close to her.

“I heard you got a high score on the exam the other day. That's wonderful.”

I asked if it was okay for me to sit next to her, and after a moment of hesitation, she replied in the affirmative, so I sat down enthusiastically.

There were many things I wanted to talk about.

Ilya straightened up, moved her chair slightly, and turned to face me.

“I am no match for you, Lady Marianne.”

I noticed that her braided hair was a little darker than it had been since she was a child. Such a small change. I was so moved that we were able to talk face-to-face that I missed the words Ilya had just let slip.

“What did you just say?” I had simply asked, but that child gasped and tried to stand up, saying, “I am honored to receive your praise.” I quickly stopped her, but somehow it felt like a strange atmosphere had flowed between us.

The formal thank you was far too formal. In an instant, it was as if an invisible wall had been built between us.

She gazed at me with a refreshingly pure gaze, and I couldn’t find my words. Even though I have thought many times about what I would say if we could talk face-to-face like this.

 

“...I would like to know how you usually study.”

 

I became confused by the words that just slipped out of my mouth. It sounded like I was being sarcastic. Asking her what she did to get that high score was the same as asking if she cheated or something.

After all, I definitely knew how hard Ilya was studying.

“I have a long way to go. Lady Marianne, you have much better grades than me, don't you think? I am really... not even close.”

I could see her fists on her lap tightening.

I remembered the other day when the exam results were posted in the hallway. In terms of ranking alone, I was ahead of her.

However, I was just good at answering the questions on the test, and I could confidently say that I did not know more things than Ilya. There was a girl in the year above me whose family was close friends with us, and she told me about the exam trends and how to prepare.

This kind of thing often happened at the academy.

It was also important for expanding one's network, so the exchange of information between students was actually encouraged.

“Lady Ilya, if you do not mind, we can study..."

...together? As I began to ask, the faces of my parents came to mind. Ilya tilted her head, looking puzzled at the unnatural halt in my words.

I felt that sitting next to her to study together was crossing the line. After all, this place was open to everyone, and anyone could use it freely. You never know when or who might see you.

 

So, what should I do to stay with her?

 

Normally, I was overly talkative, so much so that my mother laughed at me for having such a quick tongue. How could I be this bad at having a conversation with her? Being able to provide witty conversation was the foundation of a gentleman or lady. At an aristocratic dinner, it was considered unrefined if you couldn’t converse well enough to not make the other person feel uncomfortable.

“...Lady Marianne, you are a good piano player, aren't you?”

I gasped when she said this unexpectedly. I wondered if she remembered that time.

But then she said, “You performed in the auditorium the other day, right?”

“Ah, uh, yes.”

At the academy, a music appreciation event is held once every few months. Usually, top performers are invited, but sometimes students who are good at playing an instrument also perform. They can be self-nominated or recommended by others, but I didn't volunteer; I was recommended by other students and asked by the academy to play the piano. In such cases, it is an official request from the academy to my family, so it is also an honor.

Therefore, there is hardly anyone who would refuse if they were nominated by the academy.

 

“I'm not very good at that song. But after hearing your performance, I am less and less...”

 

Ilya looked down, her long eyelashes casting a shadow on her pale cheeks.

She was silent, so when I urged her on, “Less and less?” she seemed flustered and shook her head, “Ah, no. It is nothing.” Then she stood up briskly.

“Um, I apologize. It is almost time for my tutor to arrive, so I have to go back to the mansion—”

 

As she said this, she started to clear away the books piled up on the desk. I wondered if she was really in a hurry, and in that case, I couldn’t bear to stop her. So, I must tell her what I’ve always been wanting to tell her all this time.

 

“Lady Ilya.”

 

“Yes?”

 

“I thought your piano playing... was truly wonderful. Careful and delicate. I was deeply moved.”

 

If I closed my eyes, I could picture the image of a young Ilya with her fingers flying on the keys. If I listened carefully, I could almost hear the sound from back then. She must be much better now. I was about to ask if I could hear her play someday when she said,

 

“I do not like playing the piano.”

 

A voice devoid of warmth came back, interrupting my next words.

As if to say that my compliments meant nothing. Then she continued, “I really must go now.” Ilya turned her face away, as if she was doing so on purpose.

It's no good. If this continues, she'll be leaving---.

“Umm, Lady Ilya.”

“... Yes?”

When I called her, she turned around, but I could see the tension in her slightly trembling shoulders.

“If you don’t mind, would you like to meet here again? I'd like to talk more.”

I spoke a little too quickly because I was feeling uncharacteristically impatient. If I missed this chance, who knew when we'd be alone again?

The girl stopped moving, straightened up, and took a step back. I gasped, realizing that the distance between us has definitely grown, even if only slightly. It seemed she was wary. I was the one who flinched as she stared at me straight in the eye.

 

“Why?”

 

I was at a loss for words when she asked me with eyes so frank that they were pure and innocent. My voice must have hushed as I answered, “I want to be friends.” Then she asked again, “Why?”

“Why...?”

There's no reason. I just wanted to be close to her. But at this point, I could tell.

She didn't like me.

“Lady Marianne, please do not force yourself. You don't need to be so considerate. I have a lot of things I need to do. So,"

 

Please leave me alone.

 

The words sounded extremely cold, piercing my heart. The young lady took a breath, smiled softly and elegantly, then kneeled down and said, "Well then, goodbye," and I was unable to respond. As she turned on her heels, some of her braided hair fell over her shoulder. The image was burned into my mind.

I had no words to say to her straight back. I didn't even know what had happened. Had I hurt Ilya’s feelings? Or did she hate me? Even though we hadn't exchanged many words?

 

It was painful. Somehow, just too much.

I wonder why.

 

Why?

 

 

**************************************

 

“No, Lady Marianne. Lady Ilya was not angry, she was just hurt.”

 

After my encounter with Ilya, I was clearly depressed. Ruby pressed me about what had happened. At first, I hadn't intended to say it, but when she said, “Lady Marianne, your feelings will spread to those around you. Everyone is feeling restless,” she was implicitly offering me an honest but harsh piece of advice about my attitude, leaving me with no room for defense. I had no choice but to tell her the situation, and after a slight hesitation, she said:

 

“Lady Marianne, you probably didn't know this, but I heard that the two of you were nominated for the performance at the auditorium the other day.”

Chapter 63

Nocta's confidence: 
I'm going to be honest with you: this chapter was 90% translated by Google Translate. My Japanese is too rusty now, and I do not have the time or energy to translate it myself. Not when AIs these days have become so efficient.